It's not cheating but I feel cheated on!

I have been with my partner 4 years and met my now best friend a few weeks later.

This weekend after having a few too many he told me they had slept together twice. I understand to a point why they didn't tell me, but its all new and fresh too me! I wasn't angry, didn't shout.

Later on that evening I over heard him telling her how her boobs remind him of the ones on the music video , that was on at the time. What is he thinking? She was completley imbarresed by this, she doesn't know that I know about them to begin with.

I feel so hurt! Should I be worried? Angry? I have suffered with eating dosorder for many years, I just have good and bad times. This week I've ate pretty much nothing. I feel lost!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear this is a common problem which most of the people face during a point of time in life, first of all you have to be clear enough on below points.

    1. Whether you trust your partner or not?

    2. Do you feel his love towards you?

    3. Do you think he can cheat on you for some one else?

    4. do you think he doesn't show interest in you now?

    5. Do you think he is changed since the time you people met

    6. Do you think he is not giving you enough time or don't wish on your anniversary or celebrate valentine or your birthdays?

    7. Does he try to ignore you on few occassion?

    8. Does he try to avoid you in bed?

    9. Does he flirt with other women?

    10. Does he talks about your female friends physical fitness or looks

    Think about all these question and I can list hundred of them more for you, since you sound to have a golden heart.

    See always remember the good time you spend with him if you feels he is worth trusting and honest with you, as their are people who feel jealous to see other happy and wanted to disturb other life and ruin the relation and enjoy these thing.

    So please try to ignore such things until you have a solid proof and remember "ITS EASY TO BREAK RELATION AND VERY DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN IT"...

    TRUST CAN TAKE YEARS TO BUILT AND FEW MILLI SECONDS TO BURST.

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What Guys Said 13

  • You should be nothing. Their past relationship has no bearing on a 4 year relationship with you. It's time you start working on your self esteem. My wife dated my best friend for 2 years...yeah there have been moments of pain, but overall I realize it's in my head, she's with me and I'm better for her than he was.

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    • lol that's kind of funny. you're best friend f***ed your wife every way imaginable before you.

    • Indeed he did. And now I f*** her every way. It was before I knew either of them.

  • If he's going to make a habit of sleeping withyour best friend, you need to reassess your relationship with both of them. You need a new best friend, and a new significant other, it seems to me.

    Otherwise, the stress is going to trigger your eating disorder , as well as other symptoms.

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  • best friends do not sleep with your partner, so get rid oh your best friend she is back stabber. And secondly you need to dump this guy. Added stress in a persons life affects them in a lot of ways. there are billions of other people out there and there is no need to deal with one jerk who has cheated on you multiple times. Move on before you get hurt even further

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    • She met the best friend after the bf.

    • You mean best friends shouldn't sleep with your partner, but more often than not, it seems the "best friends" are the ones screwing you over.

  • Oh, a sins of the past question. Just find a way to express this ( that isn't here, since this is open-ended ) that offers you some element of closure. It will just sting for a while though; no one is ever too keen on the whole "So you two were ... I see." stories.

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  • i think feeling hurt or angry about them hooking up (which I presume was before you two hooked up?) is natural.

    I think your boyfriend talking about her boobs is poor POOR form and is a serious red flag ... unless that is how he is with all girls and you are OK with it and it's just this instance with this former hook up ... I would be concerned about this kind of conversation since it shows that he is looking at girls in sexual ways and overtly talking about it.

    I think for someone like you, you need to confront your boyfriend and find out why he would even think saying something like this is appropriate. Next you need to (if you haven't) talk to a therapist about your eating disorder and self esteem (which eating disorders usually stem from). The eating disorder and emotional/mental aspects that come with it can effect every aspect of your life including choosing a partner.

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  • I can understand the how this would be upsetting for you. I think what you'll need to do is sit with this for a while...talk it out in your head. Try and make sense of it.

    I know it's easy for me (a third party) to say this, but I think this is something you can overcome. And please, if you feel like you're on the verge of a relapse with your eating disorder, please go see someone immediately. Sometimes we all need a little help.

    As for your boyfriend, I think he could have handled the situation more appropriately. Divulging important information to a S.O. while you're drunk is never a great idea. And he should NOT be discussing her boobs. That's not acceptable behavior, ESPECIALLY given what you know now.

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  • When did he make the boob comment? If recently that might be a red flag. I'm not saying it is but keep an eye out.

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  • get a new friend

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  • So she came in the same package with your boyfriend. If she got so close to you it, he's still close to her too.

    Well it is some kind of cheating to be honest. Not because he didn't tell you. But because he kept her close to him... I wouldn't be that happy. so say what you have to say to both of them. if they want you to understand them sticking around, then they should undersand you being PISSED, so let it all out. I'm certain he'll laugh it off and won't consider it such a big deal and that will build up to your frustration with this situation.

    if you feel you can't handle it then put yourself out of the misery and get out. It's going to haunt you forever.

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  • maybe feeling cheated on is a bit much. I'd be annoyed because it's kinda something that should have been disclosed. I'd wonder what else I don't know about. If one my guy friends didn't think it be important he disclosed he banged my Girlfriend in the past id be irritated.

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  • It is the past. Be confident and don't sweat jealousy. It is a poison emotion.

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  • ask her if she wants to have a threesome they already saw each other naked might as well live life fun! or if you feel like he's gonna leave you or something I would say he would just think your just that much radder but don't take my word for it! think for yourself! also try going for runs or bike riding eat proteins build a little bit of muscle and then you won't have to worry about calories as much.. cause muscle burns calories after the workout too

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  • He obviously felt that now he's come completely clean about the situation that it doesn't have to hang over him like the sword of Damocles and he's free to make jokes about it. Your lack of reaction didn't show him he's wrong.

    If you're insecurity is still this heavy, he needs to know so he can adjust his behavior accordingly.

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What Girls Said 2

  • He slept with her before meeting you and was drunk when he said what he shouldn't have.

    Poor judgement which isn't unheard of when drinking.

    If he wanted to be with your friend who he was with before he met you, do you think he would have spent 4 years with you?

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  • Question, did they sleep together before you were a couple or when you were a couple? There is a huge difference in how you should react. If it was before you guys dated and became friends then let it go, if it was when you were dating you need new people, a best friend is not someone who sleeps with your boyfriend... That is what you should be thinking about is when it happened.

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