I'm going through a really hard time and almost feel suicidal. Help!

Hi,

The question or title says it all really. I feel so low sometimes, I have thought about jumping off a bridge or taking an overdose.

To put it simply a few months ago I finally got the balls to come out of a controlling and abusive relationship. My ex bad mouthed me to everyone, destroyed my christian faith, said I wasn't as christian as he was (he was christian too), made me feel utterly inadequate/worthless. He would insult me, never take me anywhere, accuse me of taking his money, when I never demanded anything ( I was happy with a dvd and a quiet night in). I was a lot poorer than he was when we were going out and I think he saw me as a charity case that he could control and manipulate. I did whatever he wanted. I felt destroyed after and couldn't believe where the confident young woman I once was had disappeared to.

To top it all, he got a girlfriend 4 weeks after breaking up and he keeps rubbing it in my face how amazing his life is with her, she knows all his friends already, they have been on holiday twice already.

In that time as well I started a new teaching job, moved to a new city, so thought I had something to focus on, only to find my boss was an a**hole. He gave me really tough classes, I was assaulted by kids a number of times, some of the kids were on drugs, screamed at, patronised by other staff, threatened to be beaten up by kids parents on a daily basis. Was refused access to a toilet in the working day. In the end I felt so ill and depressed I had to resign from my job with depression and they threatened not pay me.

So as you can see I am alone in a city I barely know, have no friends, no job, am worried sick about how to pay my flat, and all I can think about is the rejection and way I was treated by my ex who after all that time, couldn't care less whether I am dead or alive. In fact I don't think anyone cares.

Maybe I should just leave this god forsaken world to stop the pain.

Suppose I would just like a few words of comfort.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • :( please don't. You are better than that. Don't let a dumb loser Ex and a terrible job defeat you. There is always another man and amazing job awaiting for you. At least you can say they are no longer in the picture and you can start from scratch. I don't know how your hearing things with your Ex, but do whatever you can to completely cut your Ex out (phone #, Facebook, photos etc.) You don't need the abuse and if he was abusive with you he'll probably do the same with his current girlfriend. It'll definitely take a long time to get over him, but it does get better. Get yourself involved with like yoga/zumba classes, something that can get your mind off of things and make you feel good about yourself. Good way to meet people too! If you still feel this way I think you should definitely talk with someone professionally. Some things take time to get over, but hang in there!

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What Guys Said 4

  • Anonymous user,

    You're in a bad situation right now, feeling alone, rejected, insecure. And it has a familiar sound to me.

    Why do you think you got those difficult classes? Because your principal judged you could handle them, while some others among his teachers can't.

    No principal is going to commit the error to put a 'weak' teacher in a though class.

    I KNOW and understand teaching can be hard.

    How do I know?

    I started teacher's courses at the uni, in parallel with my other courses. I stopped that when I met pupils, but I met a girl who's enthusiastic about teaching. Before meeting her I felt rejected, cheated on (with reason, like you, but nothing to do with teaching in my case)

    She had a few VERY bad years and I had to "pick up the pieces" and mend them every evening, for years, she didn't take sick leave because of her depression. She felt like you about her job.

    My wife isn't even 5 ft and taught all her life in public 'ghetto schools', got the worst classes. Believe me or not but -after she got out of her depression- these tough guys (some loud mouthed, violent 6ft guys between them included, drugs too, some did time, two got life for murder), those nogoodniks became afraid of her. Afraid, but loved her nevertheless: we met many of them after they graduated finally. A few even succeeded in life.

    Problem was, my life wasn't ideal either then. Together we got through it. Then I had a serious illness and she helped me every evening. When we were through that, we traveled a lot, had a child, had to stop traveling because of the kid. Then, instead of becoming a rebel adolescent, he got ill too. My wife got better schedules but worse classes because she was considered a though one, able to handle them.

    "Screamed at, patronized by other staff"

    They scream because they're under pressure themselves, the same pressure you feel. Patronized? That would show they like you somehow: otherwise they'd have ignored you.

    .

    Just wait three years: in three years time your situation will have changed so much that your present problems seem futile in your eyes (NO, they are NOT futile but you're too close to them! Something seen in close up looks bigger than something seen from a distance) You'll have another boyfriend then, maybe a child you care about. Those though classes will be afraid of you.

    PS

    By the way, I know a bit about teachers:

    -My granddad who I never knew was a teacher (in a public school)

    -my granny was a teacher before becoming a principal (in a public school)

    -my mom was a teacher (in a public school) until she dropped that job,

    -my dad taught evening school until he dropped it (never came home at a decent hour)

    -our son is a teacher too now (in a public school)

    -his ex is a teacher in college, gets the worst classes (600 pupils)

    -his girlfriend is a teacher in middle school, has more bad classes than good. (a public school)

    -"of course", the friends we see once a year are teachers too.

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  • Find a large local Christian church (Baptist is usually a safe bet) and go get involved. If you're feeling really low, make an appointment to talk with the pastor. The pain will end.

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    • Indeed, that helps some people. Even believing people often underestimate churches and the clergy. I don't.

    • So true. ; - )

  • At least you're smart enough to be looking for a way up.A friend of mine didn't,and hung himself on a bad day.I always wished he had picked up the phone and called me first.

    Things will get better,and your biggest immediate problem is only a financial one.Money is easily replaced.

    I know you feel down,but look at it like this:"I was miserable because I had no shoes,until I saw a man who had no legs".You've still got plenty going for you,and there are people who'd be happy to help you.

    Even though it's temporarily put you in financial strife,leaving your ex partner will make life better for you.You will look back and be glad you did it.You will really appreciate and enjoy a much better life,after escaping from a miserable one.

    There are people who care and who will listen and try to help you get there.

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  • Try going back home it will probably make you feel better

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What Girls Said 1

  • hang in there.

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