I'm being alienated? Help?

A girl who has had a crush on me for three years, we'll call her Jessica, has been spreading rumors about me being a douche bag and ad***to anyone who will listen to her, all simply because I do not like her back. Aside from being probably the most aggravating human being I've ever met, she is now getting together with this group of girls and they basically just sit around making fun of me.

I never had a very good friendship with any of the girls in that group (I'm in the International Baccalaureate program so I don't have a ton of time for a lot of friends), and for the most part have not spoken with many of them for years. The one I have had to interact with the most is Jessica because she runs track and cross country like myself. Frankly, she's a ditz and socially inept. She truly thinks I enjoy talking to her, just claims I'm rude sometimes. The truth is that I'm only ever rude to people that I simply cannot stand to be around.

Ultimately, I don't know if she's over me but she has been spreading rumors about me and it's getting annoying. In a certain light it's laughable because there really isn't any 'dirt' about me - the entire reason I'm supposedly a jerk is that they don't think I'm funny? Sorry this is sort of a jumble of events.

At the moment it's really only one group of maybe 5 girls that are in on this, but I worry that they may have influence over others and cause them to believe these blatant untruths. How should I handle this? What is the deal with Jessica?


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  • You answered the question as to why she's doing this. She feels spurned and wants to take revenge on you. It would be best to take some action before some of the rumors spread beyond this group. My advice is that you confront her dispassionately about the rumors in the presence of several neutral parties (such as among the track group). If you do this, keep everything as neutral as possible and stick to specific facts. Keep her on the defensive so that others can see her motivations and contrast them to yours. For example one could start with "Why are spreading lies about me?" and when she claims they are not lies, force her to back up each charge with specifics. Ask her to list actions and quote words. Correct anything that is wrong or false without anger or judgment. She is likely to lose it and thus show her true colors to the group. That should help defuse any spread of rumors as coming from a very dubious source. It would also balance the attacks that she makes in the protective circle of her friends.


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