I’m with this guy for almost a year now. And things are different. For the first time I feel like I’m in a real relationship. Like this could be it and we could have a future together.
But as much as my feelings grow my doubts do too. A lot of things happened to him the last years. He told me about a few bad relationships and he only stopped talking to his Ex-girlfriend a few months ago. He was really open about it from the beginning. He told me, that they aren’t together for a while now but still had a thing every now and then and that she wanted more. He said he isn’t in love with her for a long time now and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her. But he is still really sad about how things went and about losing someone who was with him for such a long and hard time. He lost his brother two years ago and had health problems. A few of his friends turned their backs on him too. He said he has this fear of loss and since he lost so much it’s hard for him with her but not in a „relationship-way“ it’s more about the losing of people in general.
On one hand I understand and believe him. But there is a part of me that thinks, if he is still so emotional about her he can’t keep this feelings separated from the feelings he had for her as his girlfriend.
He is really good to me. The time we spend together is always great. We met each other’s friends and family. We made a few trips together and it was wonderful. He tells me how much he enjoys our time; that this is the first time for him that he feels so good in a relationship. That he wants me, wants a future with me. And I really think he feels it when he says it… but sometimes there is this doubt. I’m afraid he might still want her and doesn’t even realize it. That he still isn’t over it. And it makes it hard for me to let my feelings grow. I’m afraid that I could get my heart broken when I really let him in and at the same time I fear to get too distant because of my doubt and lose something really special.