I'm just tired. I've been there for him for two months. It's been a roller-coaster ride of helping him cope with the PTSD and fear he has of everyone now and the intense feelings he has about his abusive ex. I've been there the whole way, as I was too in an abusive relationship, even talking him out of suicide. I've treated him the way a real and good woman treats a man. And, he's played hot and cold with my emotions for a while now.. He initiated wanting more, so it wasn't me. But, every time we get closer, he pulls away...hard. Then, he told me he really liked me, despite his predicament, while drunk the other night and that he really wanted to get closer, but didn't want to be drunk when it happened. But, he refuses to get close to me and let me in, in person, as he told me he's afraid. But, I know he got close to several women before me. I finally asked him why he had no problem getting close to those other women after his breakup...who eventually used him and left him, but he couldn't find it in himself to get close to me, someone who cares about him, refuses to treat him bad, and has stuck by his side through everything? He responded with a "Cause you got here after I was hurt". And, when I say closer, I mean slowly and not full speed ahead and he knows this.
Being tired of walking on eggshells with him, I decided to be honest, as I've come to a feeling of acceptance and calmness about it. This is what I said: That's not true. I know that you were with other females after her. And, I know that you're still looking. I've just come to realize and accept that you will never appreciate me as a good woman, nor what I have done for you. That's why I'm your friend. But, this isn't about me. This is about you and your recovery. I'm not trying to start anything. I just wanted an answer and I got it."
He didn't answer. And, that was at 9:35 this morning. I'm not letting it bother me, but I think it's pretty sh*tty for not responding on his part. I guess he's showing me that it's true. Did I hurt his feelings? Make him realize that I know that he doesn't appreciate me? Why is he avoiding me after all we've been through? I just wish he would communicate.
Most Helpful Guy
It is one thing to say he doesn't appreciate you, but you said he will never appreciate you. What is the point in talking to you, if there is no hope for the future? If he can't turn things around slowly he certainly can't do it fast enough to change your mind. It almost sounds like you already dumped him, or are very close to it. He may feel bad, or he may feel like you are being unfair. Either way I don't see what he has to add to the conversation at this point if you have already made up your mind that he will never change.1
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