Mixed signals from my ex who dumped me, what do I do? And what does he mean?

Moved from CA to NY to be with my ex. I gave him my all, cooked, cleaned, never told him no, and basically treated him like a king. At the same time I was looking for work in my field. We didn't really argue. We were together for 11 months and lived together 9 of those months. Every day he would kiss me and tell me he loves me before and after work. One day before work he kissed me and told me he loved me, I texted on his break as we always did, that's when he dumped me. Basically told me to make arrangements to go back home. Then he said its not you, its me. He also told me when he got home that day, he felt the urge to cheat so instead of putting me through that, its best to end it. Also the "you deserve better", "I'm not ready to settle down", "I have commitment issues", "I want to be a manwhore and sleep with different women", "I want to be alone", "I don't want a relationship". There was a bunch more but you get what I am saying. I get that he wanted out and to move on. I was devastated. I wasn't ready to let go and move on. It turned out to be a long and bad break up. He treated me horribly after by ignoring me telling me he will put my sh*t out and drag me out by my hair, and he wanted me out like the 2 days after he dumped me. It wasn't realistic because I had to come up with the money to ship my things back and fly back home. He turned out to be a different person than I knew. He was always nice to me and provided for me. Since I provided for us the first part of the relationship. OK there's more, but I'll spare the details.

Fast forward I am 10 weeks post BU and I am back in CA. I continued to contact him almost every day for those 10 weeks. He had said we could be friends, but he doesn't initiate contact. I contact him and sometimes he ignores me for a few days at a time. When he does respond its sporadic. Yes I do cry, beg and plead which are the big dont's. I ask him if he loves me, he says "I love you as a friend" and his feelings are gone. But at the same time he doesn't even act like a friend. He says I need to forget about him, leave him alone, and live my life. I asked if maybe one time in the future we can potentially rekindle, he says "time will tell". One time before I left NY he did tell me "I had all the qualities he wants in a woman, I made a good housewife, I was the best girlfriend he had, and maybe we can reconnect again in the future. After telling me to leave him alone, he still responds to my texts. Why doesn't he just block me and completely ignore me? I asked him that but he doesn't answer that question. He answers other questions though. He has a line on my cell plan, he pays the bill so I need to contact to give him the info monthly

My questions are; Does he want me gone for good? Do I have a potential chance to reconcile? Do you think he really isn't ready for a commitment? I don't know what to do, so confused. This is by far my hardest breakups. Shed some light, I am borderline the crazy ex if not, I am already the crazy ex

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never beg for a man! He will just take advantage of you! If he wants to walk, let him walk. Yes, I understand you love him, but he obviously does not love you enough to tell you the things he told you. He wants to sleep around and be a manwhore? Who says that to the girl they love? Don't fall to the ground and beg for this man. He obviously wants to play, so let him play. Let him see what life is like without you. It may take him a while to see it, and by that point you will be strong enough to realize you deserve better.

    I also moved out of state to be with my now ex. I had nothing going on back home as I quit my job a few months before and was pursuing another degree. We were long distance for a while, but when I moved out here, I started to see his true self. He promised me the world. Said he wanted to marry me early on and throughout the relationship. He was a good guy and treated me pretty well, but when we had disagreements he would run away. I didn't like that. I need a man to stand by me through the good and bad. He had a major ego and would act as if he were superior to others. That was a major turnoff and made me distance myself. I figured eventually he would treat me that way. He started to express his opinion that I shouldnt' go back to school, when I was working very hard to do so. He wanted to be the "Boss" and being the independent person that I am, it made me realize he was thinking about himself, and not what I wanted for my life. I can relate to how you moved away to be closer to this guy, but he is treating you very poorly. I know you can't see it now, but you deserve better.

    My boyfriend broke up with me over the phone while I was away. I was going to move away for school and told him many times I couldn't stay, but I couldn't break up with him as I loved him so much. So he just randomly did it and regreted it when he said it, but I told him that was it. He was pretty nasty to me on the phone, but I stayed on the line for a few hours. He expressed interest in talking in a few days and I said I couldn't. We haven't spoken since. It's been complete NC. It wasextremely difficult at first. WIth time it gets better, but I do relapse. I checked out his online profile and he still has our pictures up, so that brought me down again yesterday...and back to thinking too much.

    You need to let go and do NC for your own sanity. The way he is acting and cutting you off so abruptly tells me he wants to date or is dating someone else. Did you move back to NY and back again to Cal? If you need someone to talk to you can message me on here. I can relate to the move. It sucks, but you'll be so much stronger with time. Let go!

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    • I am back in Cali. I actually gave up my career, car and house here to start a new life with him. He wanted the same thing. But then realized its not what he wanted then that's what led to the break up. Its hard because now I have to pick up the pieces alone now. He did treat me well when we were together, called me wifey and made plans to buy a place together. It wasn't til after the break up when he started being so cold and cruel. There was no cheating involved on my end. None on his end either

    • Show All
    • He didn't really go off his daily routine, was usually home at the same time everyday and spent weekends with me. I assume there was someone else maybe from work that he couldve been wanting to pursue. Who knows for sure...I am trying to move on really, I can't live being miserable. But its not going to happen. I am sorry your going through that. I don't have family in NY, thankfully my fam from CA pulled through and helped me. Going to make the next one jump through hoops to prove himself worthy

    • One thing he can't take away is the fact I have a college education and my 8 years experience in the gaming industry. You are doing well by staying focused on your studies, keep up the good work.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I sincerely hope some day you read what you wrote, down the line and you can see how pathetic this sounds. I mean no disrespect. I have been in your mindset once or twice before.

    But it is OVER ! clear as can be... You should be DONE with that.

    YES he wants you GONE for good but still wants a lower phone bill !

    You do not have any potential with him !

    He is NOT ready for commitment !

    Please do yourself a favor end that phone plan ASAP. Move on from him he hurt you bad and is continuing to.

    NO MORE CONTACT

    or continue to be tortured emotionally !

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  • whenever a guy says any of these statements--->"you deserve better", "I'm not ready to settle down", "I have commitment issues", "I want to be a manwhore and sleep with different women", "I want to be alone", "I don't want a relationship"

    HE IS BEING HONEST AND YOU NEED TO GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

    wish all the girls could sink this it in their psyche.

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What Girls Said 1

  • He treated me horribly after by ignoring me telling me he will put my sh*t out and drag me out by my hair, and he wanted me out like the 2 days after he dumped me. It wasn't realistic because I had to come up with the money to ship my things back and fly back home. He turned out to be a different person than I knew.

    SO...after he did this cold blooded douchery,you are still chasing after his sorry ass? wth is wrong with u,he is a cold blooded a**hole and you need to move on,he kicked you to the curb and you are stooping for him? look in the mirror,yes it hurts,stings and feels like a death, but he did you a favor,he gave you the freedom you need to find a real MAN,he will end up ALONE,u will not!

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    • I don't know why I stooped to that, this is the first time I lost myself over some dude. All my exes who broke up with me treated me well and made sure I had what I needed post break up. Supposedly he didn't mean it, "You know I wouldn't have done that to you, right?" But I see what you're saying and bluntly at that, which I respect the not sugar coating it. Thanks

    • hey I only say that because I have been through something like that when I was younger, we react to it like that because we want to be valued and loved and when someone we trusted goes there,our only defense is to figure out why we are not worthy to them. But in reality it is them who do not deserve such a loving caring woman in their lives

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