Just found out my boyfriend is not only married but has three kids

He's in the navy and just moved here. These been going away every other month for training. But we've been together and exclusive since August. The past two nights I've not been able to sleep, for no reason. I was getting awful feelings. So I decided to do some snooping and before you say I shouldn't of etc. I know that, I'm not that girl who snoops. But 48 hours no sleep makes one crazy, not to mention he's barely talked during this training month and I got suspicious. So I found a deleted Facebook of his, then a MySpace that the profile photo was a baby... I managed to find his wife and his three children on her Facebook. There's not a lot of him on her FB but she did have an old photo of him and her as her profile on Veterans Day. Like a week ago in other words. He's never mentioned anything of this to me. He's even talked of a future with me. I must wait for him to come back to confront him otherwise he will just lie or he will ignore me completely. How do I go about questioning him to get the truth
Updates:
Oh no it's over that's for sure but I want the whole truth first. And I plan on telling his wife and his command... He definitely picked the wrong chick to screw over... My naval cop captain best friend is going to take his job for this. He's a disgrace to the us military, at the age of 32 he can't really just play it off like a 21 year old drunk sailor who gets caught stumbling in the street. This is serious, against everything the navy stands for
So I confronted him, he's been separated for 6 months. He hasn't had sex with her in over a year and they were in counseling for two years. He didn't tell me because he wanted me to get to know him without thinking of him as the divorced father of three. He said he planned on telling me he just didn't know where to begin. Obviously I must take everything he says with a pinch of salt. But what he has said so far has a ring of truth. He seems genuinely afraid of loosing me over his past

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to leave him! He lied to you! It doesn't,matter of he didn't mention it that's sill considered losing and that's a really big thing to not tell his girlfriend. He has a wife who you don't know if there still together or not. You could be the side chick for all you know. Doesn't it hurt that he never told you about his kids or anything? And you just said you wanna wait till he comes home so he doesn't lie. This dude obviously has issues and you'd be stupid to stay with him. I understand you wanting to know the truth about him totally understandable. But whatever the reason why he didn't tell you isn't a good enough reason to stay with him because its obviously a excuse. If he can lie about his wife and his wife he can sure lie about you. Things like this show a lot about someone's character. It shows that he doesn't value your relationship enough to tell you about that. And what kind of father would tell his girlfriend about his kids. I think he's still with his wife. I think if you were smart you'd run.

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    • He should be home any day now, and I'll see him then. I'm still going to comfort him if no other reason then to tell him how disgusting I find him

    • Change you locks if he has your keys.

    • Don't meet him. An sms wit'h "It's over, no need to come at my place, Charley!" is enough.

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What Guys Said 4

  • 1. He may have divorced since he made that Facebook profile. (not probable, but..)

    2. If not:

    Revenge is useless and a loss of time (moreover, an army man is more likely to react with violence than a civilian: not his genes or uniform but his training.) Don't involve his superiors.

    Advise his wife and move on, forget that douche bag. No explanations, no drama needed. His wife will make him understand why you do it.

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  • I think this requires action instead of words. And the action would be to stop seeing him.

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    • Cut down the "navy stands for" bullsh*t. People are just people, and this one is a cheater. Tell his wife, but leave it at that. It's no other people's business.

    • My whole family is military... Can't help it :P

      He's met my family, my friends, workmates, everyone.

      Unless he's getting divorced and she's not letting him go... I want the truth really

    • @ Update : That's utter bullshit. You've been exclusive for 4 months and are dating for longer, and he never talked about his wife who he's supposed to leave, and his three kids ? He cares so little about his kids he never talked about them over MONTHS ? Total bullshit.

  • Well, at least you know he's responsible.

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    • He's taking care of his wife and three children, apparently. But of course, he obviously wouldn't tell the truth unless he thought it were a lie.

  • Revenge hurts you also. Just confront him and then leave him. Learn about the red flags and reflect so you will be all the wiser. Maybe tell his wife but that is also not going to help his kids etc. Sorry and good luck

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    • That's the thing, there was literally not a single red flag, he's met everyone in my life, everyone liked him as much as I did and they are honest people, they've not liked boyfriend before and said so but they all loved him and said he's head over heels into me. I still can't believe this is happening, it's surreal, you see this in soap operas not real life.

    • He is a good liar and slick. There were red flags hun. Hopefully you do not keep repeating this history over and over and over. If you don't learn this time you can be in a world of trouble.

What Girls Said 8

  • Ok seriously you guys have only been seeing each other since August so 3 months. I'm not saying it was right what he did to you but I don't think you should try to get him fired. I think that's taken it too far after all hers just human. I think that would be overdoing it and revenge is overrated. Just leave him and let him be trying to get him in trouble will show you care to much. Just let it go..

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  • Talk to him about your findings, not sure about the spouse part. As for his job, please don't do it, it his livelihood. Once a person name is down he can forget about a career. He is a jerk for doing such thing to you but his job and personal life should be draw a part.

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  • You should leave him and perhaps tell his wife but there's no need to get his commanding officer involved. This is a personal issue and I think getting his job involved would just be wrong.

    I understand that you're hurt and you have every right to be, he deceived you, but trying to back at him is not the answer. End the relationship and I have to agree that you should let his wife know, and what she decides to do with that information is on her but at least you did your part. But, don't go to his boss, that's just a step too far in my honest opinion.

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  • Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, I hate when crap like that happens. So sorry, please don't go ape shyt on him, just learn for it, and go on to better things.

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  • Hes not the right one.He have responsibility to his family.

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  • well I would stop wasting my time with him if he's a lier and everything.

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  • Why would you get the commanding officer involved? This is part of his social life, it has nothing to do with his job. He could be divorced, and it could be an old photo. He still should have told you about his kids though.

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    • It's his wife's FB profile, he deleted his. She was on a group I'm sept saying how they are building a house. He could be divorced true, it looks like an old photo also true, but he told me he's never been married and hasn't had any kids. Specifically those exact answers.

  • Just dump him while he's overseas. He may be serving our country but a cheater is a cheater no matter how esteemed he is. He doesn't even deserve a face to face dump.

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