Dumped for losing abs, should I even bother?

So, I was recently dumped by my girlfriend of 5 months, and well, the reason she dumped me is because when we first got together I had some decent abs, I wasn't "Ripped" but they were there.

Now, I've let the abs go, I've decided to focus more on my job and less on how "yummy" I am, after all I want to be able to support myself and get out of this small unit I'm currently living in, my ex said that I should have focussed on getting more money and keeping the look, but of course that wouldn't leave any time for her, which she brushed off.

My friend who is pretty chunky (who she would hit if he ever tried to come in the house) says that girls are all like this, who see men as disposable walking ATMs and dildos, of course he used to be pretty fit too until a series of bad breakups which made him stress-eat.

My real question is... should I even bother going on with dating? again and again the same sh*t happens, I find a girl, we date for awhile, then something happens like I can't take her to a big expensive restaurant, or I won't take her on a shopping spree, or I want to go out without her to a best friend's birthday party (getting the gang back together like the old days) and more, I've never cheated on or hit any girl I've ever dated, never done any of that.

Girls, tell me, just look deep down inside yourself and honestly answer me... is this what you are? is this how you see men? as walking ATMs and dildos? because from my own personal experience and the experience of several of my friends, that's how I've come to imagine it how you see us.
Well see guys, I have dated girls of all stripes, girls who say "size doesn't matter" and girls who ay they love men for who they are...

then I would take my shirt off on a hot day or to go for a swim or coming out of the shower or something, and their personality would just change, they were all over me, but the moment I would really relax she would say things like I'm not the same person and I don't care about her and all that if I let myself go.

Also I have decided to put on weight, I don't want me being in shape to make girls attracted to my appearance alone, I have decided I'm gonna balloon a bit and grow a goatee, If a girl wants to go out with me, then she's a good one and she won't be doing it for the body :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Look man, I don't wanna' kick you while you're down but...She sounds like her shallowness shouldv'e been obvious. How you didn't see this coming is kinda concerning. You're pretty young so don't let it discourage you. It's that people like her just like to use other, she just saw you as high end hand bag. It always about her, never about you. In the end, you are the one chasing these type of girls 'am I right?

    Trust me not all women are like this. It seems like you want an actual relationship. People like her have no idea what an healthy relationship entails.

    I'm assuming she was a pretty attractive girl? Always got plenty of male attention? Let me give you a hint. Most (75-90%) really, really "hot" chicks under 20-25 are pretty much the worst people in the world. They rarely get called on their sh*t by anyone.

    Keep dating and stop make girls think your worth is based on money, status, abs.

    In fact, lie and tell them you're a broke janitor with an old ass Chevy pickup lol.

    good luck.


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What Girls Said 8

  • Not every woman will be a bitch. They're just hard to find in America I hear. Hint to find a nice girl. Nice girls don't typically go for guys with a nice car, wallet and the biggest reason is if he's an a**hole. They go for the personality. Refine your personality and you'll get a nice girl. And I don't think of men as walking ATM dildos. Do you see women as house keeping sex toys?

  • No! You are simply dating the wrong women. I care about how my guy looks. But if he won't shave his hairy belly, I get over it. Because I love him. Trust me, there are plenty of girls more interested in you than your money or body. I wasn't even very attracted to my boyfriend when I first met him. And neither of us have a job. But I'll be damned if I'm not madly in love with that guy

  • There are sh*tty women out there, and there are great women out there.. and women everywhere in between. Just like there are sh*tty men, great men, and men somewhere in between.

    Its silly to assume that because you've had a few experiences with shallow women that ALL women are shallow, just like it would be silly for a woman to assume that because she had a few experiences with guys who were a**holes that ALL guys are a**holes.

    Personally, I don't like going to expensive restaurants. I don't want/expect my partner to take me on shopping sprees. I make my own money, and we take turns paying for dates, split our bills 50/50, etc. I'm happy for him to go out and do his own thing with his friends. He's never had defined abs, and has put on some weight in the past year. I don't care. I think he's sexy. I don't see him as a walking ATM or dildo, I see him as my best friend and the man I want to share the rest of my life with.

  • Not all women are shallow. Keep looking. And perhaps don't allow yourself to be used as an ATM or Dildo from the beginning of the relationship and just be who you want in the long run. That way you are less likely to find someone shallow and find someone who will like you for who you are. The women you are looking for are looking for men who don't let themselves be taken advantage of and who they can see have self respect. So if you take care of yourself before all else then they will come to you.

    If after being together with someone for a while - probably 6 months min. then you can start buying things (dinner/presents etc.) if you wanted to but make sure you have made the right impression first.

  • Only gold diggers and sex hungry women will refer to men as "Atms" and "dildos".

    I can make my own money and I can pleasure myself so that is not very accurate at all.

    I want a man because I want to build a valuable relationship with him.

    Your friend cannot speak for all women because there is an entire population who she has not met.

    She is speaking for herself and probably the few other women she does know.

    Not ALL women are like this, she cannot be the voice for all.

    Who gave her the right?

    Some of us women are decent and want actual relationships.

    Stay clear of women who say those are their intentions.

    Those are gold digging women.

    But also,

    there are men who think this way too.

    They provide these women with what they are looking for.

    Ex. "Sugardaddys" and "Johns".

    Those relationships work for somebody but not for all.

  • Sounds like you date the hugest bitches ever! I'd never dump someone like that, or expect them to pay for me. She could have just worked out with you or something, jesus. Be glad you aren't getting stuck with gold diggers and high maintenance gals like that.

  • Well, you can always locate a gym.

    Everyone wants a good looking partner and you just don't meet her standards anymore

  • Seems like you're either consciously or unconsciously just going after girls who are like that. Believe me when I say that not every girl wants to date you for your abs or your money. So whether you want to quit or not is up to you. Just don't become bitter and start generalizing women as if they're all the same: bitchy attention whores. Because we're not. You've just chosen the bad apples.


What Guys Said 8

  • I think you should continue dating but reevaluate the girls you are engaging in relationship with. the common thread of your recent break-ups seems to be a consistent materialistic and superficial attitude among the girls.

    try to find girls who value more than expensive dinners or 6pack abs... It doesn't mean that they can't enjoy those things but it shouldn't be the foundation for happiness and lack thereof shouldn't be grounds for breaking up

  • That's just how it is.

    Women are never going to be honest about what they truly want. Just look around and you can see how important looks, money and status are in attracting and keeping women, they will deny it but its true.

    I don't think you should give up, you just need to focus on what works, at least you realize that now.

  • Attraction isn't a choice. It's not her fault that she doesn't find you attractive when you got fatter. Just like it's not your fault that you wouldn't be attracted to her in the same way if she got thicker, in 5 months.

    But attraction is WAY more than the superficial, as you're trying to make it out to be. Obviously you're upset about the break up, cause that sucks. But since getting fatter I've had no problems meeting women, and I was a computer nerd with basic income.

    Attracting women comes down to your personality, and far less about your looks and your wallet. But if your personality sucks, then all you have are your looks and wallet. So you do the math.

    How you make a girl FEEL when she's with you will influence how attracted she becomes. If your personality doesn't push her buttons then maybe work on that. If that's too much trouble, then you always have your appearance and income to fall back on I suppose...

    ~ Robby

    • Do you really believe that?

      To me its like you are saying the sky isn't blue and that it is in fact green.

    • I speak from experience... women are attracted to the hot guy across the room, but they marry the guy who pushes their emotional buttons... the guy with a personality. How else would so many of us over weight guys get laid or get married? The exception to this rule are the very very young and selfish who are only looking for an exchange of cash for attention/approval.

    • Yes. They are attracted to the hot guys and spend their prime sleeping with them. They marry the less attractive guy once their value starts to decline, to get his money and then cuckold him.

      On average overweight guys do worse with women, so I don't get what you are trying to say there.

  • Women are just as shallow as men. They like to think of themselves different for some reason, but they are not.

  • Dump her...why waste time?money and feelings?...no offense she's doesn't make any sense at all.

  • It's a good thing women are not shallow like men.

  • Nice girls to men are what nice guys are to women.

    Physically unattractive.

    You know why its hard to find a nice girl especially in America?

    Because nice girls HAVE to be nice or they won't get laid. (because they're ugly)- Got to have something to offer.


    Most American women are spoiled and entitled princesses that say that a man is their financial plan.

  • Those are just the kind of girls you're going for. A lot of American girls are out of control. Americans in general thrive in a douchey culture, and the girls that think their sh*t don't stink are certainly no exception. These are probably the type of girls you're going for, so blame yourself.


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