Is it cold feet/scared or is it another guy?

I had been seeing this girl for a month. The first time we met, we talked for hours and pretty much missed what we met up to do. We made plans to see each other the following Sunday. Her parents were in town and decided to stay an extra night (when we were supposed to get together) but she promised to make it up to me. I went over to her place that next Thursday, and we talked all night. Then, she invited me over for the next night where we kissed for the first time and I stayed the night. The next Sunday, we decided to officially be dating, and only dating each other. We got together the following Sunday.. Then we got together again Wednesday. Thursday we were talking, and she suggested we go to Cincinnati together some time, to which I agreed. We talked some more, and then I went to bed. The next day, we did not talk as much during the day (she had lunch plans with a male friend and a lot of work) but we talked later that night, and I headed over after work because I had asked if she'd like to hang out before she went out of town for a few days. She suggested Friday. Things seemed great most of the night. I could tell she liked me from the way she looked at me and kissed me. She even had a friend text here while I was over, asking about me. She had informed me that she'd told some friends and her sister about me. Then, at the very end of the night, things seemed to change. She said she was tired, so I told her I'd leave. Then she sat up and wouldn't look at me, and I felt like I got the boot. I didn't pay much attention, but the next day the conversation didn't seem the same. Again, I figured she was just busy with work. Sunday, she was at the engagement party, so I told her to have fun and I'd talk to her later. Later came, and when we talked, she would ignore my comments, She seemed preoccupied so I gave her some space. I didn't talk to her Monday, then on Tuesday I just sent a text telling her to enjoy her trip and I'd see her when she got back. I also texted telling her about a new job. She replied a couple of hours later apologizing for not texting, saying she had been driving, and saying congrats on the job. She also said to call her when I got the chance. I did, she didn't answer. Then she texted saying "sorry I haven't called haha. been so busy" I told her no big deal and to call when she could. I didn't get a call. I texted on Wednesday asking if everything was OK. No response. Then Thursday I got a calll. Sent her a text saying I saw she called and she told me it was a butt dial. Finally, I was able to get her tell me what was going on Saturday. she said she had decided she wanted to be alone and didn't want to date anymore. She apologized for not telling me sooner. Later, she said she wasn't planning on staying in the city much longer. I knew she had gotten out of a year long relationship two months prior that ended after he moved away. Is she scared of getting hurt again? or dating that friend from the lunch?
She works with the guy in question, but doesn't like dating co-workers. Plus they've known each other since August. She never hid me from him (snapchatted with me in the background) and always called him a friend. She has a lot of guy friends and him girl friends. She can be friends with a guy and not attracted. Based on this, I don't think they're dating, but don't know. They do snapchat a lot (but she snaps everyone)
I'm thinking there was some stress, and a perceived problem of us possibly breaking up if and when she moved for another job (which she was wanting to move asap, this job was just a stepping stone, which I knew) and after breaking up with her ex after he moved probably didn't help matters. She probably saw that potentially being a problem and cut bait despite liking me. Either that or our thing reminded her of her ex and that situation. I don't know, these are just my main theories.


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What Girls Said 1

  • It doesn't sound like her co-worker, or even another guy entirely is the problem. She seemingly just realized that she wanted to be alone or perhaps she felt that she had lost some of her independence. Sometimes girls feel that guys are being too 'clingy' by texting/calling all the time and they would rather have their space than a relationship like that. Or maybe she lost interested because she enjoyed the chase more than the catch. She could have even discovered that she just didn't want to be in a relationship with you. It happens. She has sent you a lot of mixed signals and you deserve to be told straight up what's on her mind regarding your relationship with her. In my opinion, however, it doesn't matter if she is dating another guy or not, because A) if she was that would have been cheating and you don't want to get back with her if she's a cheater and B) if she wasn't cheating she still said she doesn't want to date anymore so there's no point in worrying about the 'what ifs'. You may also be right about the new job and moving. At the end of the day, though, she still said she doesn't want to date. It would be nice to have reasons but girls are complicated and she probably just doesn't know what she wants or is scared of the commitment and getting close to someone. I think that you should not look so far into this. Just remember that its her loss, you haven't done anything wrong. From an outside perspective, I would say just move on, as hard as it may be. If one day she comes running back to you, assuming that she didn't cheat on you, maybe then you could pursue things again with her. If not, your girl is out there searching for you somewhere. Best of luck.

    • This is a great answer. Thanks. This helps some. I don't feel I was being clingy because I'd only chat when I was available and she always initiated. I also don't think she just interest so quickly, especially when she had a friend ask about me on that first night in question. I agree, I don't think it's another guy, either. I'm trying to move on. But I wish I could tell her I think she's just scared, and maybe help her realize if there's a chance before is too late. But I do need to try to mo

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