Why did he get up so quick?

I have a man that I love, we are very good friends and do not hold a monogamous relationship as we live long distance, but we do care about each other, we are basically trying this out. I visited him and things were wonderful in the bedroom especially for him, I have to say it brought me great happiness to see him receive so much pleasure from what I did. However, he usually keeps himself very controlled when we are together, hence the reason I wanted to help him truly just be out of control and I succeeded. However, when we were done, he layed there for a moment while recovering and then out of bed he went. Immediately to the bathroom then when he came back into the bedroom, out to the living room he went, turning on the tv, fixing himself a drink all this at 4 in the morning? I walked out asked him if everything was OK he said yes, I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and told him I was heading back to bed, about 30 min go by and he walks in gets in bed and moves all the way from his side over to mine until his back was smack against me, basically it was as if I came over to him to spoon. In the morning I was leaving, he seemed different, quiet, I gave him a hug, told him I loved him and off I went. we were to see each other again and he cancelled? any clues as to what happened?


Most Helpful Guy

  • What might of happened is that since he is usually in control (this is what he is used to) and you was able to get him outside of his usual boundaries (out of control). Once the sex was over and all the blood ran back to the other head, he realized that he has lost control and you had control over him and that may have made him feel uncomfortable. He probably didn't know how to deal with that since it was not his usual self and doesn't have the mental framework and experience on how to deal with that. So he had to remove himself from the situation until he had some time to deal with his thoughts and feelings. So either once he had come to terms with what had just happened, or decided to just not deal with it at all and put it aside, he went to bed. Since he snuggled up to you, I'm thinking he may have come to terms with it at least on some small level.

    You might not want to make what ever you did a regular part of your sex life right away, but you might want to try it again (or something similar) at some point in the near future to see how he reacts. Maybe things will be better the second time? If not, you may have to dig a little deeper with your questions instead of accepting a simple "yes" if you don't think things are really OK. Tread lightly though.. :)

    • I see what you are saying, I realize the issue lies within himself on this, I cannot fix him I am glad that I opened up to him. This is a man that I always asked are you married yet? His reply "I told you I'm waiting on you" however when we crossed the line of becoming intimate, he has really stepped back? All is well, I learned to be more open and trust, I love him and hope the best for him. thank you

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What Guys Said 1

  • None at all. He either lost interest or just wanted to watch TV


What Girls Said 1

  • I'm so sorry, that must be really painful especially if you gave him so much of yourself. It really depends on the situation. Did he cancel and now he is avoiding you or did he cancel and call to reschedule? I think next time you should handle matters differently. You are not monogamous, but you gave him what you give when you should be in a monogamous relationship (in my opinion married) In his eyes you are not committed and he owes you nothing. I say out of love to respect yourself more and don't give something so precious to someone who isn't even committed to you. Save you love for someone who will appreciate it and treasure it forever. Make them work and appreciate your goods. You deserve someone who will give back to you what you gave and more.

    I have never had sex and yet a couple of MEN have wanted to marry me. It is possible. The only reason why I am still single is because I felt I was too young to get married. Now I am ready and have one prospect on the way.


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