Why was he so mean to me?

A guy I was casually seeing for 1.5month would constantly refer to his ex-girlfriend. How she was horrible, cheated on him with a bikie, etc. At this time (in the begining), he would also gush about how pretty I was, how he couldn't believe it when he first met me, and all of these other lovely compliments.

Then, he opened up more - and he would talk about how she was a model - and so was his other ex. And he would make remarks like 'but it's not about that, it's about what you have to offer...' and it honestly felt cruel, like he was trying to make me feel unworthy. He even smiled when I looked upset by his constant references and said 'well, are you attracted to me or not? Stop going on about it :/' to which he said 'of course I am! You're confusing my words. That has nothing to do with you! You're a good-looking girl! come here, aww, let me cuddle you...'. It just felt manipulative and condescending.

This one night he referred to me as his girlfriend - so when I asked what we were later that night, he got all defensive saying he didn't want a relationship right now...but wanted to keep 'hanging out'.

Was he trying to manipulate me?

Updates:
Can I also add that this is his ex of two years ago

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Most Helpful Girl

  • girl. get away now. if I wrote that and you read it what would you think. yes its cruel. yes its pathetic. yes its immature. yes its manipulating you. do you really want to be with a person that is ALREADY making you feel like this. ALREADY making you question your worth. ALREADY making you unhappy. *yes maybe he makes you happy sometimes" but at the start it really should NOT be like this. If you stay you are just going to get emotionally attatched and become blinded and conditioned to put up with his beahviour. do not trap yourself.

    he is clearly not over his ex girlfriend. in my opinion he is using you to get over his ex. I'm not saying you are not beautiful or wonderful. but I feel that is exactly why he is using u. you are giving him the ego boost he needs, being their for him, stroking his ego, giving him attention. he basically is having his cake and eating it too. he gets the benefits of being in a relo with you without the committment. he knows that as soon as you walk away all he needs to do is lay on the charm and you will come back. he has you under his thumb and he knows it. don't let this person use u. please.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think he has ego issues and is very narcissistic. It seems like he's almost bragging about having dated a model and he seems very obsessed with his exes. I honestly think him denying wanting a relationship was his way of trying to cover up the fact that you are moving away from him basically seeing how he really is.

    Rule of thumb is the way anyone talks about their exes will be what you get referred to.

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  • ok - my 'read'.

    btw I like this question, am glad you said this.

    from a man's perspective, he made what I think is probably a mistake by working out some of his 'butthurt' from his ex girlfriend with you. he should split that off into a friend's ear, & save your guys' time together for compliments/fun/cuddling/etc.

    but where he's coming from, he is proud (or glad) he dated models & THINKS this will have sway with you. it mostly pisses you off, because tho it sounds like you're pretty, you're not an officious model, so it upsets you. he needs to learn.

    the girlfriend thing sounds like not an official labelling of your relationship, but a slip of the tongue. have to let him off the hook, not trying to manipulate you; coming off a butthurt / bad experience, & also overly happy (understandably) about having dated models - thinks it will have impress-points with you, when it doesn't.

    not trying to manipulate you, just being a klutz.

    good luck.

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What Girls Said 6

  • He's already being mean and weird to you. And it seems like he isn't over his exes yet either. I mean, I'd get it if he recently broke up with her/them, but apparently it was 2 years ago. He needs to get over himself to be honest. And why is he speculating about what YOU have to offer? He should be thinking about what HE could offer YOU. His thinking is screwed up. I'd keep my distance from him.

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  • He is still into his ex since he is always talking about it with you. I think your his rebound becasue why would talk about past relationships with YOU. YOU should be his focus. He also sounds very manipulative the fact that he enjoyed you getting upset by his comments. He is f***ing annoying! If I were you I would have punched him when he tried to cuddle you. Don't let this f*** with destroy your self esteem, trust me he is not worth it! Get out of there before he causes damage! You deserve someone that adores you don't accept anything less! Good luck!

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  • Okay I have question? What's a bikie? And to answer your question about if he's trying to manipulate you, the answer is yes. It not okay for him to publicly compare you to his old-girlfriends because you are all different people, with different lives, different personalities, and different experience with him. Just because a guy tells you your pretty isn't enough to over look his flaws of being just plain out rude to you. If I was you I would ,out loud, compare him to my past boyfriends and say negative things about him. Some might say these are signs of an abusive relationship because when your at the beginning its seems like life is great and your high (high in life) then it gets really bad (you're low) and keeps on going like that your high then your low, rarely neutral... then soon your just low.

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  • Sounds like he not over his ex. I don't think he was trying to make you feel bad. I used to see a guy, and I can honestly say I would not stop talking about how great my ex was and how handsome he was,. I was not trying to make the guy bad or insecure, its just that's how a pictured my ex at the moment. I missed him terrible, I loved him and in my eyes he was the best guy ever, even if he wasn't. At that point you would ask me Christian Bale or your ex and I would picked my ex no doubt. So I really think it has nothing to do with you, he just not over his ex.

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  • He is just an a$$ and you can do way better than that!

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  • Because he's bitter. He's still into his ex. You aren't as good as his ex. At least in his eyes

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