Do girls ever lose guys they like because they don't make moves?

Have you girls ever missed out on a possible relationship because the guy was shy but you both liked each other but you felt the guy was obligated to break the ice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh, yeah! You'd be surprised!

    Contrary to popular belief by many men, females have struggled with the same lack of confidence, fear of rejection, and paralyzation from lack of dating knowledge as they have.

    *sighs* I missed out on what no doubt would have been one of the most unbelievably grand romances of my life all because I was painfully shy and lacked the confidence to make things happen instead of sitting around, fantasizing about it. To this day, years later, I would be lying if I said our chemistry didn't out-vibe the connections I've experienced with practically every other guy I've dated. I'm so highly intuitive that I am as close as one can be to psychic without being there and I know FOR A FACT that experiences beyond my imagination's most impressive maps would have occured. Now I'll never know.That would be devestating had I not been lucky enough to find someone else. But the moral of the story is: what you want is on the other side of fear. If you want to bring your goals and dreams to life, you don't have time to be shy.

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What Girls Said 31

  • Yeah, but I'm pretty shy when it comes to that kind of thing myself. I just figure that if a guy ever means a lot to me, I'll be able to summon up the bravery to make a move and that if I mean a lot to him, he'll do the same.

    My mentality is that if you can't make the move, they don't mean enough to you. Regardless of gender.

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    • Actually, that's not entirely true.

      I'm very sure that I was crazy about one girl back in school but I was too shy to approach her let alone talk to her.

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    • I know the feeling. If you frame your intentions as friendly in your own mind, you might become more comfortable with hanging out. If she knows you like her and doesn't like you, she'll say something to get you to back off, but if she doesn't I'd say it's fair to assume that either she likes you or she doesn't know you like her. But being close friends with someone you have feelings for can actually be quite nice if you don't put that kind of pressure on yourself.

    • yeah its a tough situation. I can tell she's lonely but I don't know if shell say yes to the first guy who asks her out. She doesn't push back on me and we have good conversations but I can tell she gets kinda weird around me. I don't like to assume she likes me but I'm just working on a way to tell her without being so blatant. The best way in my mind is a spontaneous kiss at the right moment, but I feel like time isn't on my side and I may lose her.

  • Yes, it's happened, but I didn't really feel bad about it though. I was very receptive and open. I gave him wide open opportunities, he just didn't take them. He told me about 5 times that he's shy and that all his girlfriends in the past had done the pursuing. I lost interest and decided he was kind of lazy.

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  • yeah not just once lol and I don't ever regret it.. :) I just think that they just don't like me that much cause if they do they will have the courage to pursue and so we are not meant to be.

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    • It works both ways :P

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    • That is true.

    • well I live in the phils.. dating culture here is way different hehe :)

  • Yes, it's so frustrating. Like I show interest and I feel like it's not right for me as the girl to ask him out. Kind of like being DE-feminized. IDK, blame society or whatever but that's just the way it is. But tbh you can see it in nature where the male makes the moves. I only would only ask him out if the time frame to do so is short and he's obviously interested but not DOING ANYTHING.

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    • Well, I think It all comes down to who is shy.

    • Good point. But what if the guy isn't shy? Would a guy not make a move because he is afraid of rejection even if he wasn't shy?

  • Perhaps. But she would have stuck around or at least SAID something if she wanted him badly enough. Some women just like to be pursued, but he is too shy so its a personality clash. In which case it probably would not have worked out in the long run anyway if it could barely progress into boyfriend/girlfriend status.

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  • No, if I realize a guy isn't going to make a move I'll do it myself. I would prefer him to do it because I'm pretty shy, but I'm also not unwilling to make the first move if I have to

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  • Yesyesyes! I was told he liked me but in no way did he act like it. It turned out he was really shy. I didn't want to break the ice because I thought he simply didn't like me. It turned out okay because I don't think it would have worked out.

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  • Absolutely! But I still believe that the guy SHOULD be the one to make the first move. Have some confidence, shy guys! We like you!

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    • well were shy for a reason. nothing usually comes in the way of that. its just sad because great relationships never exist

    • I have to agree with you on that :(

  • If a guy really liked you, then he would attemp something..

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    • I've been doing things for this girl I like but it's hard to tell her how I feel. I want to gradually get to that point but I keep trying to hang out with her and stuff but I think she knows I like her. I can tell she's sitting back on me and it's making it so much harder

  • Yup, sadly yes. It might've changed the fact that I've never had a boyfriend if I would've taken that chance about 4 years ago. I guess things happen for a reason, though. I don't like looking at the past as things I should've and could've done.

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  • Yes I have and its sucks nut I find sometimes when the guy can't break the ice that they have something else on thdre mind or they are to scared to so sometimes its best if you try and break the ice cos he might be wondering the same

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    • It's like the hardest thing in the world for me

  • Yes, definitely, because I was/am quite shy myself! Now that I'm more comfortable talking with people (from lots of practice as a waitress!), it's not as hard to at least make some kind of really bad/ dumb joke to break the ice.

    If it is a problem for the shy guy, I recommend going somewhere where you need to talk a lot with little pressure, like a school club or restaurant/ customer service job. Or keep trying to speak on lots of dates until something comes out of that mouth right.

    Also a note: 1. Some girls think shy guys are really cute. 2. Just keep saying lots of stuff ...statistically, you're bound to say at least one thing right! 3. If you say something absolutely embarrassingly awful from following #2, go ahead and admit it out loud . It's cute and hilarious when someone stops and says, "Oh God, that sounded absolutely terrible, didn't it?"

    Good luck! It is a long journey, shyness, but you can definitely work around it!

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  • happened to me in high school, I'm shy I tend to take the look pretty and wait technique I just talk to them lots and am nice to them really nice, and hope they clue in.

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  • That happened to me in high school. A guy heard that I really liked him and wanted to date me but was too shy to approach me because I was always surrounded by my friends.

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  • Only once, where I was too late. He probably did like me, but I asked him out too late.

    Most guys I like never seem to reciprocate, though.

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  • When I see someone I fancy, being boy or girl, one should go for it and not wait for the other to move. So don't wait for the guy, but girls, go for him.

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  • To be honest, I usually wait around for the guy to approach me. Even if he's shy. I give a mix of subtle signals and obvious ones depending on how well I know him. If we talk or are friends, I will be obvious. If he's a cute stranger, I am more subtle and I just keep looking at him and I make sure he knows that I am. Sometimes, I smile.

    When liking a guy, I usually keep liking him until I start liking someone else. So that depends. I don't usually like guys easily either. I waited for a guy to approach me for 5 months while giving obvious signals until I started liking someone else. But, if the old crush starts making moves, I'm likely to return back to him, unless the new guy makes a move.

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    • I went through this same situation last year. I was 100% sure that the guy liked me because of his body language and his friends told me. I never made the move because I wasn't quite sure if I reciprocated his feelings, even though I know he REALLY REALLY liked me. On some occasions, I did send some "feelers" to get to know him as a person to see if I was interested. I did have a little crush on him when I started to get to know him, but he never made the bold move.

  • Maybe. being the shy girl, I'm sometimes not really certain whether the guy is into me or not. I think I may have missed out on a relationship or two because of this. but I look at it this way: If he didn't have the guts to ask me out or break the ice, he probably wouldn't have the guts to tell me he loves me, propose or anything else that will require him to be vulnerable for a little bit. And I sure as hell won't be doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Or maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

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  • Yes. I always wait for the guy to take initiative but then I always back off anyways so its my fault entirely in the end

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  • I'd rather be approached than approach. If he doesn't eventually break the ice, either someone else will, or I'll just assume he lost interest/never had interest. I'll go for it myself sometimes, but it's not as cute. I like romance. And typically, if I do go for it myself, I'm not usually looking for anything too serious. But that doesn't mean I want to just hookup with any guy I talk to. I hate it when guys assume that. I talk to everyone. But if I start flirting with him first or ask him out first, I'm most likely into his looks and not him yet. If I want a guy to be my boyfriend, I'll be waiting for him to sweep me off my feet, or at least ask for my number.

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  • what do you think the one that got away is all about?

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  • I guess I've lost a couple of guys in high school that I've liked because they didn't make a move nor did I. It seemed as if they were interested but wasn't sure. I wasn't going to jump at them if they didn't really show interest so I kept it as a crush that was CRUSHING! ughh

    I have had guys who seemed to 'flirt' and be 'nice' but they never asked so I was like wow did I say or do something wrong? I didn't really love them or crush on them but they were nice and cute but never seemed to follow on the whole situation so I was bummed AGAIN! oh well

    lol It just happens.

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  • Yes, back in high school there was this guy football player I was crazy for. He sent one of his friends over and had them ask me out for him, but because he didn't talk to me himself I thought it was a joke. Later on through out the years, it was more and more obvious he was into me. When we graduated I never told him how I truly felt, and yes I have liked other boys since him, but he was always that one that still sticks in my mind. I wish that he would have told me himself how he felt and things could have been different. Today, there is a new guy I'm into and I plan on asking HIM out because I think of this story and how I don't want to live without regrets like I did in high school.

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  • it happened to me, I was nice girl when we first met, and he broke up with me because he doesn't know what he wants. he loved/ loves me and I was/still in love of him. I get depressed can't get over him/ same for him too so I decided to show him my bitch side and how mean I can be for about a year,during the time apart I hate all other guy except him, he couldn't touch any other women because he thinks it fill disgusting, and miss me, and I pretend that I'm over it loll never call he calls me! and next we met he thought I was going to bitch at him, no I was very social like nothing ever happen, and we keep meeting and he say sorry for stuff /so do i, and we're back together for a year now, still in love. love its fun.

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  • yes it happened

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  • I've broken the ice numerous times but it never leads to anything, the guys are still to dang shy to kick it up a notch and I can't take of it all.

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  • That happens all the time

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  • Yes, but hasn't happened to me yet.

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  • I ALMOST did, not sure if it actually would've been better if I did.

    It was my first love who I had a major infatuation with for like 7 months. Eventually I started talking to him online a little and he was pretty distant so I gave him all of the signs until he asked me to hang out. It ended badly though and I do regret the relationship, but I guess it was a learning experience. I feel like none of it would've ever happened if it wasn't for me approaching him.

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  • Rarely ever but it happens

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What Guys Said 7

  • Yup, same goes for guys. If you see an opportunity that shows you a green light and you let it slip by, you can't blame anyone except yourself.

    Thats my philosophy, I apply that to myself only but its usually the truth for others. So in that hypothetical situation, Both the guy and the girl have to shoulder some of the blame for their possible relationship not emerging.

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  • When I would email girls online and move it over to where we exchanged phone numbers I take notice and if I'm always initiating conversations I stop to see if she will. If she doesn't, good bye! :)

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  • If it happens to guys who are "meant" to ask girls out then It surely must happen to girls. Probably on a larger scale too. I sometimes feel sorry for people who would rather stay single than make a take the responsibilty of potentialy making themselves very happy. I know some girls who have never been in a relationships, but they have had plenty of crushes. They would rather not know that the feeling may have been mutual. How they live with that I don't know. If I have a crush I must know if there is the potential for something or not

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    • well, it's not as simple as them preferring to stay single or not wanting to know if a feeling is mutual (in most cases, at least).

    • I know it is not as simple as it sounds, but It is far from complex. We all have that anxiety before we ask someone out. We know that they could say yes or no. I've been rejected and I have won dates too. I've taken that leap because I would rather know the truth. The worst that could happen is them saying No. I'm not saying that some people prefer not to do anything but they most defintlly choose not to do it time and time again. They may want to do something, but they are holding themslve back

  • o,O damn! Talk about missed opportunities.

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  • Probably happens often

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  • yup they stubbornly insist that the guy initiate

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  • Probably lots

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