Please help. How can I stop fearing my girlfriend will cheat on me?

So a little bit of history, I was once engaged and my ex fiancé cheated on me. That was 3 years ago. Now, I've been seeing a great new girl and I constantly fear that she'll cheat on me or that she'll do something with another guy that she should really only do with me (sexually). We are sexual with one another, so we've had all of our relationship firsts.

I just get really nervous when she goes to bars and stuff, when she drinks when she goes out, etc. she doesn't do it often, maybe like once a month. She's also friends with an ex, but he lives 3 hours away and they never see each other.

I'm suppressing these feelings because I refuse to be controlling. Whenever she tells me what she's doing I just put on a fake smile and tell her to have fun.

What can I do? How can I just be carefree?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have the same issue. But, I have learned to be open with my boyfriend about it. I have told him about my past and explained to him why I am the way I am and he seems to be understanding about it and works with me. If she loves you, she will stop doing those things in order to make you comfortable. Or at least try to meet you half way on it. You are not being controlling either. It is normal to be uncomfortable about your girlfriend talking to her ex. Why wouldn't you be uncomfortable? I wonder how she would feel if you were friends with your ex? would she feel if you went out to strip clubs with the boys? Yes----a strip club and a dance club is the same in my book because girls go to clubs dressing sexy and don't think guys don't dance with them or try to. When I used to go, guys would dance with me even when I told them no. I would literally have to walk off the dance floor for it to stop. So, I don't go to clubs now because I have a boyfriend whom I love and want to be comfortable. If I ever were to go to a club, I would invite him. But, I don't even care to go to them, so that won't happen.

    Just talk to her about it :) How long have you been with her? If it has been less than 6 months, then maybe wait a little bit.


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What Girls Said 3

  • I know exactly how you feel, I have felt like this a lot with my boyfriend. He is a bit of a party animal and has lots of friends he likes to go out and drink with. Everyone displays and controls their jealousy or trust in different ways. Do not feel as if you are overbearing, you just need to come to terms with the fact that she needs her independence and she is probably thinking about you all the time when she is out. I know I do when I am out with my friends.

    A lot of women love it when a guy can be open and talk about his feelings, do not hold back talking to this about her. If she cares about you (which I am sure she does!) she will understand and consider how you feel. Sensitivity is definitely not a weakness, no matter how guys perceive it to be. It's a very strong quality, which more guys should have tbh! Don't make it sound as if you don't trust her, does she know about your past? Depending how long you have been with her of course and how comfortable you feel with her, I guess plays a major role in whether you want to disclose this information or not.

    I find the best way to be carefree is to make the most of your time when you are apart. I find exercise and going to the gym really help! It makes me feel more confident in my body and soul and gives me something different to concentrate on, rather than just the relationship. New interests and hobbies really are a good way to overcome these negative feelings. All the best.

    • Thanks :) do you 100% trust your bf?

    • Show All
    • We are at about a month and a half. She's never lied to me that I know of, and she's been very open about her past with me and admitted she's still slight friends with an ex. She's never tried to hide anything, so I know I'm fretting about nothing. I suppose you and I are slightly damaged :( . Depending on what his lie was about, it would be a setback for me as well.

    • Thats good! My ex would hide his relationships status on fb, password protect everything and take his phone everywhere. My boyfriend now leaves his phone everywhere with me alone for long periods of time. I don't look through it because the fact he has actually left it there means he trusts me not to look and knows he has nothing to hide! Its them little things that make you trust someone. But don't look into it as much as me. You're not damaged just an unfortunate past you can't help.

  • I think you should trust her (unless she's given you a reason not to trust her?), and not worry about anything. Worrying will just make you paranoid and anxious (though I do understand where you're coming from). Just don't assume the worst of people. Not all of them are the same. :)

    • She hasn't given me a reason to not trust her, and she's very shy when it comes to sex. The first couple times I went down on her she was too shy to go down on me, random story just not sure if it changes things.

    • Well then I don't think you have anything to worry about. It seems like you have a good girl, just worry about what you're going to get her for Christmas instead of if she's cheating on you ")

  • Therapy might help. Therapy does wonders. Try it.


What Guys Said 1

  • This has everything to do with you and not others. So that's the easy part right? Lol

    Because we cannot change people.. Now I know this mindset and been there. Been cheated on and brought my insecurities into other relationships . And have killed some great hopeful ones..

    So listen up !

    When you were perusing her she was intriguing and exciting.. Anybody would love to be in her life as a boyfriend... Right? Well over all the guys available ... She picked you !

    You're already hers... Do you realize how many guys are out there wanting what you already have.. It's yours to lose ...

    So you treat her with respect give her independence and know deep in your heart that she has nothing to hide she wants you to come home to.

    Breathe dude the hard part is over... To fear something that hasn't happened is foolish..

    • thats a sweet comment you wrote. However, I have to say for your last sentence. It isn't is just human as we all do it :/

    • Well then we are all foolish lol ... Thank you for your comment as well