I had the worse Thankgiving ever, family treats my husband like crap. What do I do now?

We've been together for 4 years and married for 2 years. My family was never fond of my husband because he is not the same ethnicity as we are and they'll think of every possible reason why I should "hate" him.

Well yesterday, my family decided to have Thanksgiving at my very pregnant aunts home this year. My aunt is also newly married to her husband too, but everyone likes her husband it seems. His family was there. My husband stayed in the corner with a worried look on his face, and when it was time to say bye, nobody even gave him a hug. I wanted to cry when I saw the look in his face because I almost didn't want hug my own mother because she was being such a jerk to him.

To make matters worse, by the time we got back to spend it with his family, it was already over. He spent his time in the corner at my aunts home and his mother was very sad that we weren't able to make hers. I feel very guilty as a wife, I feel like its all of my fault. I always feel like I MUST choose my family over my husband and I don't want to. I love my husband. He is college educated, wakes up at 4 to go to work every morning and he takes good care of me. He is not a perfect angel and I made the mistake of telling my mom things when my husband and I fall on bad times, she just judges him and tells me that I'm young and should leave him. I'm also guilty that we missed Thanksgiving with my mother. I want to call my mother back so bad and just let her have it! I never once disrespected my mother ever and she disrespected me lastnight when she gave my husband a hard way to go. What should I do?
Updates:
We don't have any children. I was told many times that if I ever got pregnant by my husband, then my family wants little to do with them. It breaks me up inside.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can completely relate to this in some ways . I am white and my husband is black . my mom really has no problem with it what so ever but I am very close to my mom till I got married and now she always wants me to put her first before him and like you I have also vented to my mom when my husband and I had an argument and that was my fault . that's the number one thing you don't ever want to do . now no matter what good he does all she thinks about is the stuff I told her during a argument and it wasn't even stuff that was that bad .. just normal married problems stuff. your family has no right to tell you if you have kids with your husband they want nothing to do with you.. sure your family is special but you are a wife now and enless your husband beats you and treats you just aweful then HE has to come first now . YOUR man is who you have to see everyday and come home to at night not your mom and family . You need to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her how you feel without argueing and hurting each other. tell her you love him and her but you are grown and you are his wife and you must put his feelings first to . tell her you no you made a mistake by pointing out the bad in him but tell her what makes him so good and why you love him . if she don't want to hear it and tries to put a guilt trip on you don't fall for it .. my mom does that to me to .. you got to put him first

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What Guys Said 3

  • There can be many reasons. Ethnicity is one of them.

    My wife has the same ethnicity as my family. That didn't stop them from trying to treat her like crap.

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  • First off: Support your husband. He isn't feeling any better than you right now. Be there for each other and do not blame each other for the stupidity of your family.

    Second: Make it clear for your mother/familiy that you expect them to show normal respect. But know that you can't force them to LIKE your husband, just to show normal respect.

    thirdly: I wouldn't worry to much about the future kids. Grandmothers have an uncanny ability to overlook the sins of the fathers and mothers when it comes to grandchildren.

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  • Firstly I notice that you said that you told your mom things that fall on the bad side. I wonder but do you ever talk with your mom about the good things too?

    By the looks of it your using your mother to get back to when things are going bad. Your mother on the other hand judges your husband as a bad man. It isn't really your fault that she does this but keep in mind you triggered her to do so.. then again it was never your intention to create all this so don't beat yourself up.

    What you should do is talk about it with him first. He's well aware of what is going on. And short answers will not do. Let him read this if you don't know how to bring it up.

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What Girls Said 2

  • support your husband and do your own thing next year cor thanksgfiving

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  • ALWAYS support your husband, no matter what. Even if that means skipping your family's dinner and going to his family's, because it sounds like his family treats the both of you better than your family. Be there for him, and he'll be there for you. tell your family that your husband isn't going anywhere, and it's shameful how they treat him. Your husband sounds like a good guy, so they have no reason to be rude to him.

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