We've been together for 4 years and married for 2 years. My family was never fond of my husband because he is not the same ethnicity as we are and they'll think of every possible reason why I should "hate" him.
Well yesterday, my family decided to have Thanksgiving at my very pregnant aunts home this year. My aunt is also newly married to her husband too, but everyone likes her husband it seems. His family was there. My husband stayed in the corner with a worried look on his face, and when it was time to say bye, nobody even gave him a hug. I wanted to cry when I saw the look in his face because I almost didn't want hug my own mother because she was being such a jerk to him.
To make matters worse, by the time we got back to spend it with his family, it was already over. He spent his time in the corner at my aunts home and his mother was very sad that we weren't able to make hers. I feel very guilty as a wife, I feel like its all of my fault. I always feel like I MUST choose my family over my husband and I don't want to. I love my husband. He is college educated, wakes up at 4 to go to work every morning and he takes good care of me. He is not a perfect angel and I made the mistake of telling my mom things when my husband and I fall on bad times, she just judges him and tells me that I'm young and should leave him. I'm also guilty that we missed Thanksgiving with my mother. I want to call my mother back so bad and just let her have it! I never once disrespected my mother ever and she disrespected me lastnight when she gave my husband a hard way to go. What should I do?
Most Helpful Girl
I can completely relate to this in some ways . I am white and my husband is black . my mom really has no problem with it what so ever but I am very close to my mom till I got married and now she always wants me to put her first before him and like you I have also vented to my mom when my husband and I had an argument and that was my fault . that's the number one thing you don't ever want to do . now no matter what good he does all she thinks about is the stuff I told her during a argument and it wasn't even stuff that was that bad .. just normal married problems stuff. your family has no right to tell you if you have kids with your husband they want nothing to do with you.. sure your family is special but you are a wife now and enless your husband beats you and treats you just aweful then HE has to come first now . YOUR man is who you have to see everyday and come home to at night not your mom and family . You need to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her how you feel without argueing and hurting each other. tell her you love him and her but you are grown and you are his wife and you must put his feelings first to . tell her you no you made a mistake by pointing out the bad in him but tell her what makes him so good and why you love him . if she don't want to hear it and tries to put a guilt trip on you don't fall for it .. my mom does that to me to .. you got to put him first0