I've never used one of these before, but I need help in a bad way.

Ok, so, this girl and I have been best friends for 7 years now. It turns out that we've been absolutely crazy about each other the whole time. She was getting out of a relationship, has a daughter to this guy now, and still couldn't stop thinking about me. Things got pretty serious pretty quick, and I think she got scared. She lives on the other side of the country now and has for a few years, but she tells me she wants to move back. I haven't been myself lately for a lot of reasons, and I'm working on those, it's tough being this far away. I just got back from visiting her, and this is the 3rd time we've visited each other in the past 6 months but something was very off, and I didn't act myself. As soon as I got back she said she needed space, wanted to put things on hold, but still tells me she loves me, and that she still ultimately wants to be together, but she needs time alone to focus on her daughter and her life. I'm afraid that this means I may be just a fall back guy and she's trying to work things out with her baby's dad, but the feelings seem to still be there, and I haven't been contacting her as to respect her wishes of space. Although she still texts me, and I wait awhile to respond as to not make myself too available. She told me I was being clingy, and that she can't take care of two people right now, especially with this distance we currently have between us. How long should I wait before I have a serious conversation about this with her, how long do I have to just be the "friend" again? We've both been there for each other through really really bad times in our lives, and really really good times. I can't admit to her that this is tearing me apart, or tell her how I really feel about the situation because it will just drive her farther away. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should move on with your life. THe distance, the baby daddy, the her pushing you away...

    She doesn't want you. Actions speak louder than words.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • But if she doesn't want me, why is she the one sending me texts and telling me she loves me? I haven't initiated any of the conversations since this took place a few days ago, she has.

    • To keep you hangin on as a back up when she breaks up with the baby daddy again. No one wants to be alone so you're the insurance policy. If she cared about you enough she wouldn't keep you hanging on and she'd be with you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • the 3rd time we've visited each other in the past 6 months but something was very off, and I didn't act myself.

    This was probably because you may have felt a shift with her and you were reacting to it..I say that because she wanted space right after that. I would say cut your losses, she is telling you loud and clear she doesn't want this relationship right now, the other things she says is to soften the blow.

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  • Move on.

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  • she doesn't want you, move on

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What Guys Said 2

  • she is messing with your head, move on and forget about her.

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    • whats the girls name? I might be the baby daddy..lol

  • I was in a similar situation, and still am. It's always tricky when it comes to kids, the father (in a lot of situations) is going to be there for the rest of your lives. So if you got married to this girl, he's still gonna be around. Also, I feel like when someone becomes a parent, and they are a good parent, they put their kids first. She even said she was wanted to focus on her daughter...basically what I'm saying is that it's not uncommon for someone to be married/remain with someone they don't "love" for the sake of their child growing up with that figure in their life. She may love you more than "him".. but the fact is the baby she is taking care of everyday doesn't have her dad..and maybe that's what she's thinking about. It sucks, I know bro. Try as best as you can to not message her and think about her. If things are right, she will contact you. Hopefully you were good with her daughter

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    • Well, basically the baby dad is a real fuck up. She doesn't love him, doesn't live with him, and is on the brink of just getting full custody. All of what has transpired is essentially because of my deep rooted insecurities and they manifested themselves as being clingy and overbearing. We're still good, we've talked about things and are on the right path to correcting the situation. It's just going to take time, trust, and patience. We both have a lot going on.

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