Guy friend pursued me and showed lot interest for weeks, now ignores me - opinions please?

Hi All, Need some guys opinions on this. This guy friend I know through others, for the passed 2 months had been very interested in me, for eg always trying to impress me, trying to make me smile a lot or laugh, always watching me, always smiling a lot around me, the guys teased him a LOT in front of me about trying to impress me etc, and they would frequently make jokes about us spending time together (dropping hints like), but we hadn't gone out on a date or anything yet. Just lotta flirting. I liked him and showed a lot of interest back. And he suggested once very early on we do something together once (I said yes) but it never materialised. He proceeded to get to know me after that but no date.

Anyway - recently a group party was happening and he and the guys were dropping hints big time about getting me to invite him as my date, now I wasn't sure if it was a bit of a joke or what so I didn't want to play into their hand with this. (I wasn't entirely sure he was really interested) So I played it very cool and didn't invite him (even tho I really wanted to).

And since then he has backed right off and is even ignoring me. doesn't try to talk to me at all, avoids conversations I'm in, makes no effort at all with me etc. Totally cooled off.

The ironic thing is - I wasn't sure he was interested - until he stopped being interested! Now I'm like damn why didn't I do something.

Guys - what's your opinion on this? its been a couple of week now like this and I'm not sure what's going on. I like him, but don't want to push anything now if he's being a douche.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wasn't sure he was interested? The whole first half of your question details how interested he was in. He seems like a normal guy who has trouble closing the deal/ spitting game which is a good thing. Many, many, guys are like this and I have just passed through that age bracket... and I STILL do that. I'll try for a time but if nothing comes from her side I'll just move on. For example: they need to preserve their social situation and can't push too hard or be especially forward because they don't want to effect the group dynamic and keep things friendly later on just in case you get offended by possibly untoward advances. Even passive flirting on your part can be perceived as the signal to get lost; if it doesn't not escalate past initial stages when THAT dude is moving it up a notch- they think you are just being friendly. Could you stand to go up that notch briefly then back down again to show that its possible/ that you're giving him a chance? How did you respond?... Did you help in escalating the flirts by talking, touching, warming up to him & doing what he's doing? Or were you quietly appreciative ie. cordial flirting? If you chose the latter he probably decided you just aren't into him enough. There is an element of truth when your guy friends, as a group mind you, advise you to do something.

    I have one tip if you want to date a guy who sounds interested in you but felt he didn't have yours. He'll be happy you called- I guarantee it.

    Call him (not text) and say at the beginning of the conversation "I want to go to a movie. Will you take me to it?" The point of this phone call is he'll say yes. Call or text the next day to set scheduling. Calling is always better- text is for chit chat.

    • You've really got me thinking. I hope you're right, I really do. Right now I feel like he'll tell me to go jump off a bridge if I ask to spend time with him. I really like him I just was afraid to act on it. Maybe you're right I should have heeded the guys suggestions, I played it too cool. I hope it's not too late.

    • Just an update, this Qn was just prior to Dec '13. The guy at the time also still had something very casual going on with an ex. which was what was putting me off to be honest. i neglected to say that in the question. but it was a big part of why i held back. Anyway i took your advice in a roundabout kind of way, and showed some overt interest. and he responded right back and began being interested again. it took a while longer again after that still for the casual ex to totally fade away. so thats where we are now. we seem too finally be in a good place now to start something. but you were right, i was holding back big time, and i wasn't showing interest. but it was because of the ex. that was throwing me off big time.

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What Guys Said 1

  • he was definetly interested , seeing you acting cool aka "cold" he proly got the message that you are not interested. so he gave up.

    i mean if you really liked him why didn't you just be honest with him


What Girls Said 1

  • Well maybe he's playing hard to get since that's kinda what you did. Do you at least have him number?


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