Boyfriend is breaking up with me because he thinks I don't want kids...

Basically my boyfriend via text message said that he doesn't realistically see a future together because in his mind he doesn't think I want kids and that he's ready to settle down and have children in the next couple of years.

Now I'm in my 3rd year of Uni and have a deadline this coming Friday which now I'm having difficulty concentrating on, if I wasn't stressed already I feel incredibly stressed now. The odd thing is he made this assumption without even asking me what my view is on it, and yes I'm not desperate to have children because well... I'm in my bloody final year of Uni, but it is something I want, I would like to settle down and have a family at some point, probably before I'm thirty. But to me I don't think anyone should be considering children before they have a solid relationship, a home and an income... and how can I now have children with someone at the drop of a hat would just leave me.

He goes on about how much he cares and likes me, but he wants to settle down and he doesn't think I'm ready, I don't understand why this couldn't of waited until after my deadline or at least sat down to a proper discussion, but no I get text message... great.

We don't even live together and he is still living with his mother (he recently had to move back in) also we've been together a grand total of 4/5 months.

I am quite upset because I feel like I'm being punished for wanting to chase an education and be steady before kids, I want to know I have a partner so stands by me. When I told him that yes I do want kids at some point, he starting going on how he doesn't want to wait for me to chase a career and that he doesn't want to move if I find a job in another city. I need a career, I need to have an income... because even if you did have a child with someone there is no guarantee they'll stay, I need to be self supportive.

I really think it is so unfair that he's making these demands of me. I do want a child one day, but it has to be in the right situation and with the right person, up until now I thought that would be him, but now I'm not sure, I feel incredibly sad as well because I don't know what to do. Even though I told him that yes I would like to settle down and yes I want children he still needs time to decide whether the relationship is worth it.

I have no interest in sleeping around, I'm tired of dating. My last boyfriend couldn't stay with me because he couldn't commit and now I'm with someone who doesn't want to stay with me because apparently they are 'too committed and wants a family'. I really don't know where I am going wrong.

Sorry for the essay, just needed to get it out :-(

Oh and I'm not a party animal either, don't really go out drinking, I prefer to spend my time at home.
I'm 23 and he's 28.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This guy is just making the kids thing an excuse to break up, he doesn't have the balls to be honest, so he's using this, and to me, do you really want to be with a guy who fails to have a back bone or proves to be so dis honest, because I would hate to know my partner was so gutless, so really, take it as a compliment, because he has shown you the right path to take and what to look out for when you decide to meet real men, not little boys who make excuses for everything,x


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Why is he rushing to commitment. Its only been 4 months and he already wants kids. My advice is to run away as fast as you can because that isn't enough time to know anyone. Just keep your focus on your goals and working hard. You deserve better... Don't settle for what isn't yours. But if you really want him I'm willing to bet he will come back.


What Girls Said 1

  • "your career won't wake up in the middle of the night and tell you it doesn't love you anymore"