Why won't he talk to me? :'(

I was dating my boyfriend for 9 months before we broke up on Thanksgiving. He told me he wanted to marry a Christian and didn't think I would ever stop being an atheist (he's right about that). He said he didn't want to break up, but he didn't know what to do.

He'd already been creating distance between us for 2-3 weeks before we talked about the religion thing, and it hurt me so much that I just thought that if he had to think that hard about whether he wanted to be with me or not, then we shouldn't be together.

We had a really good relationship in a lot of ways, even though we're very different. The thing that is really stressing me out is that he won't talk to me at all now. I tried to call him on Thanksgiving to make peace after we got in a fight a few hours before on the same day, and he said through text that he wouldn't call me back and needed time to think. It made me feel so bad that he needed to think so hard about whether he wanted to be with me or not that I just decided to text him back that we should break up. He never responded to that text. I waited a day before trying to contact him again, and have only texted him once and called him once. I just said I wanted to make peace in the text too. I haven't been harassing him or being mean and have never been that way toward him.

Now he won't talk to me. Please tell me, why won't he talk to me? :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmm... I find it strange that he didn't know this about you or know of his feelings towards this difference in you both earlier. It's like he's known of this difference for 9 months now and has only just decided that it's not going to work! Either way, if that's how he feels and of course and rightly so, you are not going to change, then I guess it's his call. I get the impression that it wouldn't be a problem for you, but if it is a problem for him and he can't handle that, then he has made his decision. I feel sorry for you and feel that he could have realized what he wanted before you two even got together, but this is just the way it's worked out.

    As for why he's not talking to you now and is alienating you, well that's not exactly very 'Christian' of him, although in the real world, it is! That aside, he shouldn't be treating you like this, but obviously he has issues to work through and feels that he's best away from you in order to do that. I'm sure this is hard for him too, but it is his decision and I feel he could think of you a little more too.

    I think he's being harsh on you and you shouldn't be doing the chasing, therefore I think you should send him a closing text or message. Send him everything that you feel and want to say. Tell him how you feel, how you feel about his lack of contact and that you deserve something! Get everything off your chest that you want to say and then leave it up to him. Do not chase... Say your bit and then work through this on your own (or with friends/family) in your own time. I suppose if he replies to you, then go from there.

    I'm sorry that he's made this decision and that he's being like this towards you, but say your bit and try to move on. I hope everything works out for you in the long term... :o)

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What Guys Said 5

  • Because there isn't anything to close out on, at least in his mind.

    He's a Christian, you're an Atheist, and until you can become Christian, you two can never be together.

    There's no closure to be had, the state of your relationship and your beliefs is the way it is.

    You've gotta let him go, because he can't accept you for what you are. As long as his prejudice comes from a higher power than himself, there's no convincing him.

    It's either you or his God, and there's no way in hell he's choosing you.

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    • I think you're right. We were both crying in my car for hours after having the initial break-up talk, so I know it can't be that he just doesn't care about me. I think he just doesn't want closure because the answer to him is pretty obvious and he just doesn't want to feel hurt more by talking to me again, which could restart feelings of loss again. But... What a dick! Very selfish of him. Thanks for responding.

  • You need to have a time of no-contact with a breakup to allow each of you to process the relationship. Otherwise you keep dredging up the same feelings over and over.

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    • How long do you think is usually appropriate?

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    • Oh wow, so every other relationship you had ended in some big, blowout fight and then you never heard from them again? That sounds very sad. I've had an amicable split before. He and I no longer talk, but I know if I were to contact him, he wouldn't mind.

    • Not necessarily some big blowout fight, but if someone says they don't want to see me anymore, I'm not going to hang out for scraps. If you're done, we're done, in my book.

  • You already know why he won't talk to you. Why you want us to point out his passing judgment on you as unacceptable is beyond me.

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    • I really don't understand why he won't talk to me though... The reason he's not talking to me is not because I'm not a Christian. I think you may have misunderstood what I was saying. He still wanted to be together despite that, even though he was conflicted. I'm not trying to get back together with him, I just don't see why we can't have a final talk to make peace and not leave on such a terrible note after a good relationship.

    • "He passed judgment upon you as unacceptable". There is nothing else. That's the end of it.

  • Well it sounds pretty obvious. You are now broken up there is no reason for him to respond

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    • Yeah, but we could also end on a civil note after a mostly good relationship. I think that's pretty obvious too. It's not like if be hitting him up just to chat.

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    • Yes, ending on a civil note is what I want, not friendship, although he did suggest that we be friends before the fight occurred.

    • and after the fight he decided he doesn't want to talk to you any more

  • I find people who allow religion get in their way of true companionship madness, because unless one religion demands the other convert then there's no reason why it should be the crotch of separation, and to be frank, he should accept and respect that your atheist, as you him a Christian, but to take it to the level where you separate is pure madness. So to me, your ex now, failed to have a pair of balls and accept others for who they are and refused to accept change and the reason he fails to remain in touch is because he has no real excuse for it, only that he feels its right for him. So really, he's a spineless jerk who allows religion to make his choices for him. Better happen now than 10 years down the line I suppose,x

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    • Thanks for your response, it made me feel better, & I totally agree. I also think what he's doing is stupid, esp. since at the start of our relationship, I was the one to say it wasn't a good idea because of our diff. religious beliefs. He convinced me it didn't matter, & now this after 9 months! I guess he doesn't want to talk to me because he's prone to guilt (probably why he's Christian to begin with) & doesn't want to feel bad for leaving the "love of his life," the one he said he wanted to marry.

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    • Haha, thanks! :)

    • Your welcome,x

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