Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?

I am in a seriously toxic relationship. I am in love with a man who lies, does drugs, puts his hands on me, & is scared of nothing. Through it all, we just can't seem to stay away from eachother. He put his hands on me the other day and slashed my tires all because he decided to relapse on cocaine. He had a tantrum making up things in his mind (like I was screwing his friends?!). I called the police, he fled the scene, and I made a report against him. Even after knowing this, he still came back to the apartment 3 more times! The cops were called everytime aside from the last.

We say hurtful things to eachother and we act selfishly not caring about the people we hurt in the process. I always feel like utter crap because my mom has grown completely sick knowing that I am with a guy like this...and I am so selfish that I can't seem to let him go, even though I see I am hurting the people around me.

We have been together for about 9 months and have already moved in together, he has bought me an engagement ring, & has my name tattooed on his chest.

Anyways, have any of you ever loved someone you knew was no good for you? How did it turn out? Do you think people like this are capable of change?
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately rash people will be rash. I was kind of in a situation you're describing but not as intense. This man of my past loved me with a fury, and still emails me from time to time 4 years after the break up. During the relationship, I was accused of cheating (which I never have), he would constantly call me and ask every detail about what I was going, who I was with. Very paranoid, didn't trust me at all but bought me an engagement ring 6 months into the relationship. He would push me and if I decided to run he'd call everyone I knew looking for me. I realized that as much as he loved me intensely was as much as he was against me, if that makes sense. When we weren't tearing each others' throats out, the passion was unbearable at times. Yes, he loved but he also hated just as much. I cut my losses and broke it off when it just got to be way too much. Believe me, breaking it off with a psycho is not easy. I had to change my location, change my number, not use my old email addresses, change the name on any social networking site I had, and the bad thing is I still care about him after all this time. I know how stupid it is and seems, but you really just have to get over it and find what's good for you because he will only bring you down. Find your self confidence and conquer your enemies.

    • I just want to add about the change thing, that people never truly change. I stayed with him for months because I thought that somehow deep down he was a really good person who just needed help. No matter how much I tried, it just reverted back into abuse eventually.

    • I feel exactly how you feel. Thank you for having compassion and responding with a well thought out answer and not ridiculing me nor making me feel ashamed like many other responders have. Sad to say, but they are as emotionally abusive as my boyfriend.

    • You are very welcome. Everyone needs support especially in the situation like you're in, and nobody ever came out of a bad situation by realizing how "stupid" they are. You are a strong person and will make it through. You may think about it often in the future, but that's only due to the intensity of the situation. You need someone who appreciates who you are and trusts you. Get a restraining order on your *ex*-boyfriend if you need to, whatever it takes.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Yes, and when you decide to stop being an idiot you'll get out.

    • How did you decide to stop being an idiot? How long did it last? What made it so toxic?

    • You know you're being an idiot already. You just have to get the nerve to get out. But you like the drama. When you decide you're done with it, you'll leave.

  • I have been in an exact relationship like this. literally. I think she was on cocaine too some nights, but I could never find proof of it, cause I think she would go do it with her gfs, and then come meet up with me. But we did smoke mary jane together sometimes.

    Anyways long story short, she never really said mean things to me, she just always did things to hurt me purposely, Like we would go out for dinner, and she would flirt with another guy right infront of my face and act like I wasn't there, or she would tell me she's coming to see me, and then go out with her friends. Or if she didn't wanna see me and wanted to go out and party, she would start a huge fight with me over nothing, she would just start snapping. I used to buy her the best of the best jewelry and not once did I get a thank you and she never appreciated it. On top of that, we lived together, and one night she didn't want to see me, and I was like okay cool w.e. So I went home to my parents house, cause I was living with her at the time, and she invited some other guy over, and had sex with him, some random guy she meet at a bar, and got clymidia from him. Then didn't tell me, then goes and sleeps with me, and gives it to me. Then she starts complaining that she was in pain in her ovalries, I told her to go to the doctors, she did, then she found out she got that, then I had to go to the doctors, and I broke up with her after. After about 2 months of her begging me back, I let in, and took her back. Then she smartened up for a little and then went back to her bullshit of before, aka wanting to go out all the time, and party, and flirt with guys, and do w.e she wanted. Then after that, we started getting into bad fights, I never hit her, but she would hit me. It felt like she was doing it purposely to get the cops to come arrest me. Then one night she went nutso on me, started throwing plates and shit at me for no reason, and the neighbours at our condo heard stuff breaking and called the police, they showed up to a condo that looked like a hurricane went through it cause of her. Then they told me to leave her cause she's crazy ( the cops). And I didn't. After that, one night she went out, called me to come out and go dance with her, I did, dressed to the 9's like I always do when I go out, show up at the lounge having all these woman drooling over me, and she's flirting with all these other guys there right infront of my face. So I waited for her to finish, waited to take her home, then when we were going ot the car, she just started kicking my car in and started crying, tell me she loves me. And I went nuts on her then. She caused 5000$ dmages to my car.

    I left her that night, didn't speak to her again. She called me 6 months later asking to speak to me, and that she has money to fix my car, I went got the money and haven't spoken to her again.

    My advice is, it will only get worst, and you need to leave now. She still calls me for sex to this day.

    • Oh and the most fucked up thing is, this girl was older then me. You'd come to think that someone older, has everything set properly. But clearly not. She honestly acted like a battered whore when she was with me.

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    • Wth, she is loopy as ever. Well anyways, glad you're done with that. You're way too cute and seem like a great guy to be with some trainwreck like that! Glad you learned your lesson and I hope I do soon too! lol

    • lol Why thank you for the compliment. lol Haven't received one in a long time :) LOL And I don't think this relationship is to teach you a lesson. Its more so to show you what you want in a lifetime partner. Aka someone that respects you. That's what I understood from my toxic relationship.

      I think all you have now is to just leave, there is no more learning from this guy or w.e you may think you have to do there.

  • Change isn't easy, most people can't manage it. Certanily not some guy strung out on cocaine. He will likely get worse, not better, as time goes on.

    Get him out of your life any way you can, even if it means moving and hiding. Sure you could get a restraining order, but that would only make him madder, and I wouldn't advise it with this guy.

  • Oh yes. It turned out well. Now I'm corrupt.

    Sadly everyone grows up.

    • How old were you and how long did it last?

    • I was 19 and it lasted for too long on the order of years.

  • It's only your fault if you stay with him.

  • Wow.

    I can see why your mom is depressed about you being with a guy like that. Apparently momma raised a complete and utter fool, in this case.


What Girls Said 2

  • Yes I have been in love with someone that was emotionally abusive. It wasn't as bad as your situation, but I left him after 9 months.

    You must leave. This guy is ruining your life. Although you may not think you deserve better because you have been put through so much. YOU DO!


    Please before he ruins your life anymore.

    • I will leave as soon as the time is right. I think I'm at the point where I am building myself up and getting ready to get out. I know this because this weekend was the first time I decided to open my mouth and call the cops. We have to go to court and everything! Emotionally abusive bf's are sometimes more scarring than physically abusive ones because words can sting a lot longer than bruises. I'm glad you were able to get out!

    • Show All
    • Yeah, I completely agree. But this is why I say that people need to leave when they are ready. I have been seeing a therapist but I need to build myself before leaving because if not, I will just end up back. It's shocking to women in this situation because the man does a complete 360. You keep holding on to the perfect man you once met, and keep praying he will revert but he apprently doesn't. He always trie to make me feel like he does these things because 'he loves me so much'. BS!

    • I completely understand you, and I find it really sad that these men are so insecure and think so little of themselves they need to make their partner feel awful to make them stay. They're are manipulative and dangerous and shouldn't be allowed to do this to people. I know now to look out for certain signs with a guy, but in order for some of us women to learn this you have to go through it first. Sad really. I really hope you feel better soon & will have the healthy future that you deserve :)

  • No, because I only date people who help me grow and are good to me. Why are you even putting up with such a dangerous, cocaine using, immature man? You've only been together for 9 months, are engaged, and he tattooed your name on himself!

    NO relationships like this that I know of turned out good. Most of the girls that were in your situation are now divorced, living on welfare and have multiple kids with different dads. He's not going to change and all you have to do is leave! Your poor mother...


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