Do guys always mean what they say? Should I really not "overthink"?

I've known this guy for 5 months. the first 3 months were hardly what I would call dating, we just sort of kept in touch, or he kept in touch. I know he's very busy and frankly after a while I just didn't see any point and let it be but welcomed his "attention" without putting any worth on it. I dated a guy in the meantime that only lasted for a month and lets just say I got an experience that was very "disturbing" from my standpoint of trying to make it work and the first person I "fled" to because I felt he was the only one that wasn't out to get me and might be able to comfort me was the guy that I just occasionally had been staying in touch with, mostly via phone calls. When I went over to his house that night (it just so happened that he answered his phone), we hadn't talked in over a month so surprisingly after thinking he had given up as well I received a random message from him a week prior and since he never responded the day before we had just talked again.

I was dressed nice because I had prior engagements but when I got to his house he was extremely excited to see me yet his way of getting to that was as if he wanted to get rid of my clothes...I had to be very strict and say "why don't you show me the house" which he bought the same day we had first met. I guess I let it go to far that night but it seemed OK that he wouldn't be using me because he had stuck with being there and hadn't said anything or done much disappointing . he had helped me move and such but physically I had no longer cared.

After that night the weekend to follow he was on a work trip not too far and after calling he suggested I come visit. while me being a girl thought "yayy he wants to spend time together" it wasn't what I had hoped for at all...yes it was a work trip but even after a long trip he seemed to initiate only sex...again! I felt like a fool driving that far and wondering what I'm making him think if not the fact that he thinks it was so there would be sex? anyways I had to leave for church before he needed to work so I left but in return thought I would surprise him by not going. I knock on the hotel room instead and instead of acting surprised it was a "you have a key why didn't you use it" ...rather cold right? later that night I was sleeping and I get the comment "hmmmm well I can handle this... a girl in my bed and she's not fat or ugly" once again...not sweet nothings but rather killer comments" another time I came over to visit him and decided to cook, thinking I would show him I'm trying to build something here but once again...lead to him thinking sex...so the last time before I decided something had to change he had come back from a trip and called to say he wanted to spend time together and then had to cancel because his friends were leaving sooner than thought but in the end he was at his friends house which he asked me to come over in the middle of the night if he were to see me at all that weekend.
Updates:
First I said why can't we hang out tomorrow but since he would be gone and said that we would just snuggle and nothing more I actually thought he meant that but once again NOT THE CASE. I basically felt weird because here I am coming over to his best friends house and felt like I was a complete ..no clue what words to use...ashamed. So at that point I had had it, that following Monday he did call me but I popped up at his house and had in mind to just lay it all flat on the line...
He was in the middle of playing videogames online so I wasn't going to make scene or tell him t stop. I wasn't feeling all that well so I just decided to let it me and just sort of played with him a little and then layed on his lap and napped a bit. I overheard him talking to his friend and it was the first time I heard something coming from him that made me actally feel like he had openly admitted affection towards me...to his friend...not to me!

I was enjoying it until it was time for bed.
He said if I didn't feel well why I wasn't in bed (I think he has a hard time catching on that maybe if a girl likes you she wants to be around you even if she's not talking) but regardless I said because I like to cuddle and be with you and his response was a "mocking" voice of "gosh...so needy" but in a joking way which I found cute.

once we did go to sleep I was fully dressed and figured it was my get out of jail card and he wouldn't try because he knew I wasn't feeling too great.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • regardless of what he says his actions are clear. he doesn't really seemed concerned with much more than sex.

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    • I didn't quite get to finish what I wanted to say. That morning he once again tried waking me up with his "i'm in the mood for sex" but I just let it be...well he kept trying so finally I had to "put it all on the line"

      I simply said look I can't do this just like that anymore. I know I suddenly let it all out and maybe that was bad but I didn't ever know when or how to mention it because I just didn't seem to know him that well . First reaction from him was him being mad and referencing my me

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What Guys Said 1

  • I didn't read through all of that but the answer is that guys do generally say what they think, much more so than women do. That's not to say that some are not dishonest, but in general men are not complicated or mysterious. WYSIWYG.

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