First relationship, I was in an emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive one, I stayed with her for over three years, simply because I thought it was the best I could get. I finally broke up with her.
Then I dated the most beautiful girl in the world, really nice, really sweet, only she was flakey. She broke it off with me.
Then I dated a girl who was sweet, but I wasn't all that attracted to. I gave it a chance, but my feelings didn't change, so I broke up with her, and continued to be obsessed with the flakey girl.
I can't get over the flakey girl because she was the best I had and I can't get any better. I want to find someone else, but it's not working. And instead I keep getting wasted all the time, and do stupid shit on Facebook, I'm still interacting with the flakey girl. I called her out on her bullshit over fb when I was really drunk, then I deleted my account the next morning. I came back on recently, and wrote some more stuff last night, I don't think it was as damming, but I commented on something she posted. She doesn't want to deal with me, but occasionally shows some signs of interest (which I think she is doing either because she loves the drama, or is using me to help pump up her ego). I don't want to get back to together with her, but I can't find anyone, so I keep getting brought back because it's the only thing that really worked in my life for a while.
Now I deleted my account, and removed the battery from my phone because I don't want to hear from anyone.
I'm fucking exhausted. I think I have a mental problem.
Most Helpful Girl
I know this may sound like a daunting and scary thing to do, but maybe you should think of taking up counselling sessions? I know they are costly sometimes and a bit taboo in this modern age, but there's nothing wrong with it. You admitted at the end you think you have a problem, so i;m sure it wouldn't hurt to go and talk to someone about it? It sounds to me like you're lonely and your self confidence just keeps falling partly to do with drink and also because you're hung up on the idea that this girl was the best thing you've ever had, but you will have better. You'll get flakey girl, but a girl who actually likes you in the end. I know it seems a pathetic fantasy but believe me I've seen some of the people who've found it and if they can get it anyone can. In all seriousness though, I think counselling or joining an alcoholic's society would benefit you, because it sounds to me that a lot of the confidence issues come from your abusive relationship. They're not normal relationships and people need to remember that. You should be proud that you managed to get out of it when you did, many people can't. If you're really really against counselling then my only other suggestion is to go out more, but with your friends and instead of focusing on talking to girls, just be yourself and go out to have a good time, you may find girls then approach you, but you don't need to be drunk to have the courage, you have to find it in yourself, some girls find it cute! Nevertheless don't be hung up on searching for girls just go out and enjoy life. There's so many more beautiful things in life to be happy over than worrying because you're shy and drinking away your problems. I seriously think counselling would help. Even if you go for one session, it's worth a try to see if you benefit from it or not. I really, really hope it works out for you. Good luck :)