How can I fix my life? I feel like I'm trapped.

I'm basically an alcoholic. Some of you may say right off the bat, stop drinking. But it's not as simple as that. I'm a very shy person, and the only reason I have had three relationships with girls is because when I first met them I was buzzed in order to have confidence being myself around strangers.

First relationship, I was in an emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive one, I stayed with her for over three years, simply because I thought it was the best I could get. I finally broke up with her.

Then I dated the most beautiful girl in the world, really nice, really sweet, only she was flakey. She broke it off with me.

Then I dated a girl who was sweet, but I wasn't all that attracted to. I gave it a chance, but my feelings didn't change, so I broke up with her, and continued to be obsessed with the flakey girl.

I can't get over the flakey girl because she was the best I had and I can't get any better. I want to find someone else, but it's not working. And instead I keep getting wasted all the time, and do stupid shit on Facebook, I'm still interacting with the flakey girl. I called her out on her bullshit over fb when I was really drunk, then I deleted my account the next morning. I came back on recently, and wrote some more stuff last night, I don't think it was as damming, but I commented on something she posted. She doesn't want to deal with me, but occasionally shows some signs of interest (which I think she is doing either because she loves the drama, or is using me to help pump up her ego). I don't want to get back to together with her, but I can't find anyone, so I keep getting brought back because it's the only thing that really worked in my life for a while.

Now I deleted my account, and removed the battery from my phone because I don't want to hear from anyone.

I'm fucking exhausted. I think I have a mental problem.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know this may sound like a daunting and scary thing to do, but maybe you should think of taking up counselling sessions? I know they are costly sometimes and a bit taboo in this modern age, but there's nothing wrong with it. You admitted at the end you think you have a problem, so i;m sure it wouldn't hurt to go and talk to someone about it? It sounds to me like you're lonely and your self confidence just keeps falling partly to do with drink and also because you're hung up on the idea that this girl was the best thing you've ever had, but you will have better. You'll get flakey girl, but a girl who actually likes you in the end. I know it seems a pathetic fantasy but believe me I've seen some of the people who've found it and if they can get it anyone can. In all seriousness though, I think counselling or joining an alcoholic's society would benefit you, because it sounds to me that a lot of the confidence issues come from your abusive relationship. They're not normal relationships and people need to remember that. You should be proud that you managed to get out of it when you did, many people can't. If you're really really against counselling then my only other suggestion is to go out more, but with your friends and instead of focusing on talking to girls, just be yourself and go out to have a good time, you may find girls then approach you, but you don't need to be drunk to have the courage, you have to find it in yourself, some girls find it cute! Nevertheless don't be hung up on searching for girls just go out and enjoy life. There's so many more beautiful things in life to be happy over than worrying because you're shy and drinking away your problems. I seriously think counselling would help. Even if you go for one session, it's worth a try to see if you benefit from it or not. I really, really hope it works out for you. Good luck :)

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What Girls Said 4

  • You are an alcoholic. You need help. Get it. And please stop stalking the ex when you are drunk. None of this is healthy. Shy or not-there is no excuse to trash your life. I recently stopped smoking after 24 years--so don't tell me you can't kick an addiction...cause I am living proof that you can. Get professional help.

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    • The only thing I take exception to is "stalking my ex". We were communicating back and forth, and when I was drunk, she did something that upset me that she used to do when we were together and it set me off. I apologized for the message in the morning. But yes, there is a silver lining to what I did, because it's possible she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, so it could help me move on.

  • You should really talk with someone who can help you with the issues you are facing. I believe a therapist can help you deal better your problems. It is being weak to seek help, it is a good step in the right direction. I hope you do the right thing, and things get better for you.

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  • Just tell her what you want.

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    • ? he has a drinking problem, so who is he telling what he wants? the ex he stalks? That is weird advice.

  • Join a therapeutic group

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What Guys Said 4

  • I'd definitely drop 50-100 bucks and go talk to a professional. You can also ask a doctor about antabuse , its a drug that will make you sick if you drink. Its extreme but it helps a lot of people get a break from alcohol enough to realize they don't need it anymore. (With some therapy, you can really see yourself and can make some progress).

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  • First, you don't really have any business getting into a relationship until you get your own life in order, so quit bothering your exes and don't try to start anything with anyone else.

    Second, everyone knows that tackling a drinking problem is not a simple thing, but you have to at least try. Cold turkey is difficult, but if you try to gradually stop you may get carried away and make no progress at all. Join a therapy group, see a doctor, or check into a hospital if you need to. Just take care of the problem.

    Third, take some responsibility for yourself. From your post, it sounds like you just indulge any feelings or impulses you may have and then try to blame it on alcohol or shyness. You obviously have no respect for yourself, but that's not an excuse to give in. Like I said before, your life won't improve magically; you're going to have to put some work into it.

    So, make a plan and stick to it. Do what's right and not what's easy. This is your life we're talking about, so don't accept failure.

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  • Speak to a professional.

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  • If want to get good with girls.. learn some stuff from pick up artists. Once you get over your awkwardness with repeated exposure.. you won't need alcohol. Trust me .. I just approached 14 girls today sober during the day and got one at least very interested in me.

    link

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    • This is more of a human interaction problem. It's not as if I'm less awkward around guys I don't know. But I appreciate the link. I will look into it. And I am looking into more general stuff about shyness.

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