Ex says he just wants to hang out but not be together and doesn't know about our future together (GUYS)?

So me and ny ex have been broken up for about 2 months and we finally were able to come together just last night and talk about everything us being together everything that happened with the breakup etc

What he told me when I asked him about us he told me that he didn't think that it was healthy for us to be together that he has so much going on that he doesn't have the necessary time to give or put into a relationship that he knows how it's supposed to be and that he knows I was putting in my time but that he wasn't and he didn't want to hold me up by getting into a relationship when he at this moment in his life he doesn't have the time which I believe him because he has school and work and whatever else

I agreed that maybe it's not time for us to be Together because I too have so much to take care of and were only 22 so this is the time for us to get everything taken care of I understand that

He said he wanted to just be able to talk to me on a friend level but didn't know if I could handle it and if I couldn't then we should just stop talking til I get over us he said that also he wanted to still have sex with me but that he didn't want that to be it or all that we do with each other...like he wants us but no title. I asked him if it was so he could see other people he said no he just needs time and space to take care of school and work that he was still mine but the whole title thing wouldn't be right because he can't give me everything a relationship requires.

I asked him about our future together and he said he didn't know that he didn't want to promise anything to me because it would be awhike before he would be ready for something and when he is ready that at the moment he doesn't know if hell want me back which bothers me in a way for him to not know if he would want to try things again he said that I'd heever find ssomeone else he would let me know that he sometimes misses me and sometimes not.

We came to the conclusion that we still love each other and dint necessarily want to completely move on but a title wouldn't work. He says he still wants to cuddle and talk on the phone and have sex but no title. He still calls me baby still send me kisses in text still hugs me before we leave each other so in a way it still seems were together...but we're not. I don't think it's for him to sleep with other peopleor whatever because he told me he didn't even have time for a relationship with me much less someone else...I believe him



What do you guys think it's going on here just from what I've told y'all?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he's telling the truth, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to keep acting like you're in a relationship when you really aren't. It's actually quite normal to be in a relationship but not have much time for each other for a while. Though in the beginning stages (say, the first month or two) it's somewhat necessary to be able to spend a lot of time together and be extra affectionate, after that it becomes more about how you spend the time you do have together then about how much of that time you spend together.

    Either way, the fact is that if he wants to just be friends, then you should act like friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. If you don't draw a line like that, then the entire concept of a relationship loses its meaning. That doesn't mean you can't be intimate with someone and not be in a relationship, but that requires you to have a more casual bond, which you can't really have right after a break-up.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Ok I get what your saying but when I see him he doesn't act casual at all HE is the one that calls me baby hugs me tight toy know all of those things you do in a relationship it's not me coming towards him in such a way its him which is why this is giving me confusion I don't know how to act with him considering the situation but I don't want him out of my life

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    • I think you've learned the most important lesson about relationships there is to learn. It's about more than two people having feelings for each other; it's about what these people do with those feelings. This is what makes relationships so difficult at times, because often it's hard to figure out what you want, let alone what the other person wants, and the only way to really figure these things out is through trial and error.
      I must say I'm very impressed with how you've dealt with this situation. You've dealt with a lot of difficult situations and in the process learned a lot, something a lot of people fail to accomplish. :)

    • Yeah I just hate I had to figure this out the hard wayy but thats how we learn... thank you like I say youve helped me through quite a bit with him I think right now im just going to wait til the end of this week or next week to sit him down and tell him how I feel just to you know give me some more time to think things out and firgure out my feelings and my thoughts.. do a bit of organizing I guess you could say with myself

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What Guys Said 1

  • He wants to have someone available to just fuck, and is trying to convert you from a girlfriend to a Friend With Benefits.

    This way he doesn't have to worry about finding the next girlfriend, or can take it slow with her in the beginning if she so desires.

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What Girls Said 1

  • he can't give you what a relationship requires (his time or a commitment) but he wants you to give him all the perks of a real relationship (sex and support)

    I don't think he loves you anymore but he just doesn't want to completely cut off the relationship he wants to wean his way off of it at his own speed and also pull away from you slowly as to not break your heart. if he loved you and wanted this relationship he would just say "for x amount of time you know it's gonna be hard to make time for each other but we'll do the best we can I don't want to lose what we have it's just gonna be different but we'll make it work" but he didn't do that, instead he's pulling away. I know you don't want to lose him but it's happening anyway. I would just say you understand that he'll miss you and that you'll miss him too but that you aren't going to be friends with benefits with someone you love it's just too hard and that you're looking for a boyfriend not a friends with benefits and that if he doesn't want to be your boyfriend/in a relationship with you anymore you understand even though it hurts...but that if he wants to break up that you are not going to wait around giving him sex and emotional support with no commitment that you are going to find someone who wants it all not just pieces and parts of a relationship that are convenient for him.

    I know that might not be what you wanted to hear but it's probably what you expected to hear and in the end the way you play it is all up to you but you teach people how to treat you ...even if it hurts.

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