Do you regret breaking up badly?

I'm going to precede my story with a request not to make me feel worse than I already do. If you agree that I was a bitch, kindly keep it to yourself. Thanks.

Tonight I broke up with a guy I have been seeing on and off for the past three months. Feels longer, as we got hot and heavy quickly and faded out just as quickly.

I told him that I can't have sex with him anymore until I figure out if I would rather be in an exclusive relationship and he basically told me that without sex he doesn't have any interest in seeing me anymore.

I lost it via text. Called him every bad name under the sun. Accused him of using me and tossing me aside. Called him a man whore and said that he was a sexual predator (seems dramatic I know.)

At the time I thought I was justified, but now I just feel like a bitch. and a part of me wants to apologize. Obviously we are not compatible, but I want to break-up amicable and with some class. Is it too late to reclaim some of my dignity?

Has anyone ever behaved badly during a break-up and were you able to come to terms with it or rectify your mistake?

A part of me feels like he's a jerk, but at the same time, we've been heading for this break-up for a few weeks now. So I wasn't even all that hurt when he said he didn't want to see me anymore. I think I mostly said the things I said cause I thought that that was what I was supposed to say. So he used me for sex. Big deal. I used him too. So we're even.

Do you think I should apologize? Would you be willing to hear an apology from someone who previously called you a whore?

Thanks!
Updates:
One more confession: Okay man whore wasn't the worst thing I said. I also told him that he was bad in bed and called his penis tiny :/

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think I ever had any break-up's that I regret the way I did it I just always feel bad having to break up with anyone. I just think about it forever and usually try and reach out to the person to ask if they are OK and hope that there are no ill feelings. For example I dated a girl back in 2011 for about 3 months. We weren't compatible but she felt like we were so when I broke up with her she was pretty upset. 2 years later I still feel bad about making someone so upset especially since I've been the person on the other end and know how bad it can feel...

    I think you should apologize. Just tell him that you didn't truly mean the things you said and you were just upset. I've been in the position your ex was in where a girl just ripped into me. I knew that it was just anger and trying to feel good about herself but it still would have been nice to see hear her apology and show some regret for how she handled stuff... It just shows strength of character to admit you messed up. You could call or write him a letter but I think he would appreciate it

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    • Thanks for the advice, but after apologizing, I feel like I got myself into another shit storm. He says he misses me and wants me back, but if I don't feel the same way I shouldn't have apologized. I should have just left things the way they were. Lol. The road to hell is totally paved with good intentions.

    • well I don't think just because you don't like him that you can't apologize for breaking up in a not so great way...i mean they are two unrelated matters. just because you apologize shouldn't give him any notion that your feelings are different (that you still don't want to be with him)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • I wish I'd been more patient with the one girl. Then again, she is a (very) long-distance relationship. Her friends didn't trust me, and I began to question if she was legit or a catfish. And then one day, I simply walked away. And then I met another girl...who turned out to be way too immature for me to stand any chance with. The new one was 24, but acts like she's 14.

    So I almost wish I could go back to the initial one. But I can't promise her a life together any more now then back then. And I don't want to fill her with false hope. Especially when she won't even give me a number to call or an address to send a Christmas card to.

    Otherwise, I've not been the type to dump the girl. She is almost always the one to ditch me. And her reasons are often such, that I figure it's just as well she leave.

    Now in your case: If you were so uncertain, you probably should not have let him between your legs in the first place. But any guy who insists premarital sex is a requirement for a relationship is not that into you, and has no business getting love or sex from you.

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  • Naw don't apologize. You're right he was using you for sex. You kinda went ape shit on him where it wouldve been sufficient to just tell him to fuck off but that's not deservant of an apology.

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  • yes I do however the last bad break up wasn't my idea , it was hers and she and her gf's made it a lot worse than it had to be . but of course I regret that experience and would do things a lot different in the future

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  • I have never regretted breaking up with anyone else. When I choose to, it is already time to move on and live my own life or find another partner who I am interested in. No you shouldn't apologize considering the things he has done to you. If you still like him then yes. Although, I would regret breaking up from my current girlfriend because she is so sweet. If I ever got into such a fight or used a girl for sex that resulted in her calling me names, I would just move on.

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  • Yeah I regret breaking it off the way I did with one girl I was with. I have no intention of getting back together with her though. We had a falling out; she was clearly using me for my money and tried to control me. She was abusive and one time hit me in public, where I couldn't risk retaliating without someone calling the police on me. She lied to me about her age too.

    I broke things off via text message one evening. She didn't respond until the next morning. First she agreed with me. Then there were 5 more text messages after that which said what a piece of shit I was and how selfish I am for not accommodating to her, and how I needed to man the fuck up, and all this nasty stuff. And concluded it with "Stay the fuck out of my life!" I responded, "OK"

    A few days later she tried to contact me again. I suppose she realized that by breaking up with me, she lost all her free rides and privileges I provided for her. She sensed that I wasn't responding to her texts or phone calls and that drover her insane. I never replied back to her. I just left her hanging.

    I could have handled the situation a bit better. But she was good at manipulation psychological warfare. I didn't wanna fall for her traps again, and that's why never replied back. Still, I feel like a cowardly jackass for kicking her out of my life without an explained reason.

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    • that sounds like scary situation. sorry that happened to you. I don think its cowardly to remove yourself form an abusive relationship. you took steps to protect yourself in a tough situation. it seems less scary now because time has passed an you are able to heal and move on, but that doesn't mean she has grown and learned from her mistakes/ you did the right thing.

    • Thanks that means a lot. You're right though. I think the only real reason I held onto that relationship at all was because the sex was good. But when I removed her from my life I felt a lot happier not having to deal with her.

  • I've done some terrible things to two particular exes who couldn't stop cheating. I don't regret it as they hurt me so much I wanted to hurt them back anyway possible. Immature but satisfying. Although I do wish now I hadn't acted so bad. F them they werent worth the time or energy to even yell at.

    In your case, I might feel bad too. Easy enough to rectify - just give him a ring in a few days and say hey sorry about all that shit before, I lost it. Hope all is well...and get off phone asap before more emotions come up.

    PS Is his penis actually tiny or you said it to hurt him? A girl said that to me once after we broke up but I'd always heard the opposite before that - and that girl used to be in pain after some sessions so I didn't take it too much to heart. But, that's like the lowest thing a girl can say to a guy, even if he isn't small it sticks with him for a while.

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    • Thank you for sharing your story. It's always good to know someone else has been in your shoes.

      You're right too that saying sorry shouldn't be such a big deal. I will give it a few days and try to mend fences.

      No his penis is not tiny at all and he doesn't suck in bed. The sex was actually better than any sex I've had with anyone. You're right it was a low blow and I wish I hadn't said it.

What Girls Said 3

  • Sorry, but I think that you can't get your dignity back. Sure, you took it too far, but he basically admitted that the sex he got from you was worth more than the time he didn't get sex from you (the time he would have spent waiting for your answer). So really, for him, the focus was on the sex, and he probably never wanted a serious relationship with you as long as he got what he needed without the commitment.

    I don't think you should apologize. Just forget it and move on, it's already over.

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  • i mean I think you were justified. OK so you may have been a teensy bit dramatic but he basically told you he was using you for sex so I think you had every right to be dramatic. my most recent break up was ridiculously embarrassing. I didn't call him a manwhore or tell him he had a small penis but I did tell him that I had other guys who wanted me anyway, and that he shouldn't get a self esteem boost from me crying over him because I cry over a lot of guys. I can't remember all of it because we were both drunk. I apologized and tried to fix things. my suggestion is don't do that. I regretted it. it made me look and feel weak and I hate showing vulnerability. I still regret it. we're on good terms now but I would prefer him to think I hate him because that's what he deserves. I think if he's gonna be a jerk and use you for sex then he can put on his big boy pants and deal with what you said. that's my opinion haha :p

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    • "he can put on his big boy pants and deal with what you said" Thank you. It's good to get a female perspective. I still wish I had handled things better, but I totally hear you on the vulnerability factor. I used to have a problem being vulnerable as well and I still struggle, but I've learned that it actually takes strength to be vulnerable and is not a reflection of your weakness at all. Vulnerability is attractive. Yes it can open you up to pain, but it can also reap a lot of rewards.

    • yea, I suppose in some cases it's the better way to go, I just don't like being vulnerable because I'm an extremely emotional person as it is. if you feel really bad though I agree with that anon- you could just give it a few days and give him a quick call to apologize. ending things on bad terms, especially if there's a good chance you're not going to see him again, might just eat at you for a while.

    • I should have listened to you and everyone else that told me not to apologize. I reached out to him last night and now he says he wants me back, but I was doing fine without him. Now I'm feeling kinda fucked up again, like I did when we were dating. Grrr...10 steps forward, two steps back.

  • Sometimes it happens. I try to avoid it.

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