Is this girl being a bit cruel and using this guy or am I being too harsh on her?

A girl friend of mine spends most nights and weekend days with a guy going for meals with him, his family, drinks and out to the movies etc and has done for the past 2 months ever since their other friend who used to join them got a boyfriend. This guy likes her as more than a friend but she swears she has no interest in him other than as a friend and that she makes it clear that is all they are. My argument to her is that if I were him I would be holding out hope for more so I think it's unfair for her to spend all this time with him knowing he likes her but having no intention of progressing things. She and I have been getting closer ourselves as of late and she volunteers this information to me as opposed to me asking her as it isn't my business but I have told her that her situation with this guy is a bit odd but then she argues it's an alternative to having to stay in alone? She said when she meets someone she will stop it all with him which again I have said is unfair and that she shouldn't do that. I have met him a few times and it is kind of awkward but do you think I should just back off a bit and let this situation with the guy fizzle or just carry on and spend more time together like she suggests and potentially become another version of him in the dreaded friendzone. I have been backing off a bit as she tries to make me jealous with other guys and it's games games games with her for the attention. It's hard to tell if she is just an attention seeker or whether she is hinting for me to step it up a bit, she knows I liked her around a year back but nothing happened. Alternatively am I being naive by thinking nothing has happened with this guy? She always says there's no way as he is a "nightmare" but they do spend so much time together yet she has started telling me how she needs sex as it has been so long etc. I just find it a very strange situation but then she doesn't have any real friends so is pretty lonely?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop stressing yourself over the other guy, or any guy in her life, for that matter. He's an adult and wants to be with the same girl as yourself, and as I understand it, that makes him your competitor. His goals are in direct conflict with yours, thus his happiness in the matter is a conflict of interest to you.

    That being said, she sounds like a user and a manipulator, but given the unilateral details of your post, that's an unfair assessment. If this guy is aware of her disinterest in dating him and yet continues to invite her places in addition to paying her way, then he is enabling her. In this case, perhaps spending time with her his a consolation prize as the result of his failure to legitimately catch her.

    Nonetheless, she can do whatever she likes, she is not obligated or committed to anyone. Thus, if she is sleeping with this guy, or that guy, or using him for companionship, she is not committed to anyone

    In closing, If you are to land her, you will do so playing her many games. After a year of being aware of your feelings of her, it's safe to say that she should be passed giving you hints and such. And yes, it does sounds as if she is giving you hints to pursue her. However, given her past, I'm skeptical that she would the quintessential girlfriend that you seek anytime soon.

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What Girls Said 2

  • She's either lying to you and actually dating him or using him for money. Either way, she will do the same thing to you if you get close to her. Stay away from this girl, now matter how much you like her. There are other fish in the sea.

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  • Sure, she's using him and that's not right...but he's also letting it happen. He's a grown man and is letting her take advantage of him, so he's equally at fault.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like this girl is a user. She may be telling this other guy the same things about you that she says of him. Trust your gut, she says she's keeping him around probably for the free meals and to alleviate bordom until someone better comes along. This is her way of thinking and it goes for everyone across the board in her life. Get what she can out of someone, then when she decides their no longer useful just set them out with the trash.

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