Do men think of women who were in a previous abusive relationship as "damaged"?

I just started dating this man who I have known for a year. We have gotten to know each other in a professional setting so some convos were completely inappropriate given the setting, but we still managed to make our interest in each other known... anyway, when we first met I was just filing for divorce, and now I know that this man is going to ask me about my failed marriage, but I'm nervous about telling him that I left my ex because he was manipulative and emotionally abusive. I think he knows because he met my ex once and the next time we spoke he kept bringing up the subject of abusive men and since then he seems very protective of me, but I am still nervous.

so, guys, would you think less of a woman for having been in such a relationship? Would you worry about her having her own emotional issues that might negatively affect you and your relationship?

I am going to tell him regardless, I guess I am just trying to figure out HOW MUCH to tell him. I've done a lot of counseling, thinking, etc, and understand why I accepted that relationship, most of my emotional issues have been addressed, of course I still have the occasional insecurities, but honestly I have learned so much from my failed marriage and am a completely different person, I just fear that this new man might "pity" me once I share this with him, and that's not what I want...


Most Helpful Guy

  • In these times,women have recourse if aman is abusive.. A woman who allows that behavior to continue isn't exactly 'damaged', but IS someone with , probably some sort of father fixation. I'm not qualified to give technical names, bu tsuch a woman definitely needs counseling, and until she gets it, I'd steer clear.

    So you would have to really emphasize the cunseling and reflection you've gone through.

    For one thing, guys will tend to think that traumatized women quite often have fatal attractions to the SAME type of guy who abused matter how nice YOU may treat her, she'll drop you for that type of guy, if she doesn't get some help.

    A lot of guys have had that happen to them,or have friends who have been through that, so it will be difficult to get him to trust you, just being honest here.


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What Guys Said 2

  • You tell him what you need to tell him. But know that he does not have any need nor does he want to know much about it. This is a continuation of your therapy. He'll be happy to oblige and listen if it can help you. But do not for a moment believe that you have to tell him for HIS benefit.

    But to answer the "question":

    No. What an odd idea. Whatever gave you that thought?

  • My girfriend was severely abused when younger. When she opened up to me about this, I didn't have problems with her. I just went mad angry about the inhuman turd who did this to her.

    Just tell him the whole truth. Take one hour and tell him everything. But you also have to show him you are ready to move on and have a good relationship with him, so bring the topic up once, empty your bag, and then leave it at that. He won't feel pity for you, but compassion.


What Girls Said 1

  • No, they just might have emotional baggage


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