Is my girlfriend still into her ex?

My girlfriends previous relationship lasted for one year. We have been dating for 4 months.

Here is the good:

1. She stopped all contact with him the when we started dating

2. She blocked him on Facebook

3. She erased his phone number

4. She says that she wishes that relationship never happened because she was treated badly

Here is the bad:

1. She keeps pictures of him and other high school friends in a photo album that sits on a non important bookshelf toward the bottom

2. She wanted me to try the same cologne he was wearing because she doesn't know of any other colognes

3. She bought me clothes of similar fashion to him

4. She compares me to him by saying how I treat her so much better and she is lucky to be with me.

Do I have anything to worry about?

I'm asking because I've never compared her to any of my Ex's out of respect. Also, there is another girl who wants to date me. If she is still into her ex, then I will leave for this other girl.
Updates:
I forgot to add that She immediately stopped with the cologne comments, clothing comments, and comparing me comments when I asked her to. She has never said a comparison comment about her Ex boyfriend since. Should I still get out while I have an option?

The available girl I was talking about is taken. I will have to make this relationship fair and bearable.


I will just simply fight back by bringing up my 4 ex's to her one. Then she will probably realize what she is doing after I give her enough ex info to get her attention.
Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Seriously? I see no red flags here whatsoever. It's like you're looking for ways to make her still into her ex but all her actions say otherwise.

    I agree with anon guy. Whether because of your own insecurities or your lack of respect, you're looking for an out to be with the other girl. Grow up.

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    • What would you consider a red flag?

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    • I've made a decision, I will just simply fight back an bring up my 4 ex girlfriends every time she brings up her ex boyfriend. I have had 4 serious girlfriends before my current girlfriend. She has only had one serious boyfriend before me.

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

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What Girls Said 5

  • This doesn't sound like anything to worry about to me. A year is long enough to know a lot about a person and to develop serious feelings for a person. That being said, it looks like she took the high road and cut contact with her ex either out of respect to you (and to herself and her heart) or so she will be better off getting over him and moving on in this new relationship. The only things that may be of concern would be #2 and #3 on the bad list. I also made the mistake once of suggesting the same cologne an ex used to a guy who I had recently gotten into a relationship with. That was a bad thing on my part but I missed my ex and it reminded me of him. It sounds really bad, but I was more in love with my new guy than I ever was with my ex so the cologne turned into a comforting and happy scent than one that made me want my ex back. And I really liked the smell. With the clothes, girls, and guys too I guess, usually are attracted to a similar look in the opposite sex. Maybe she really likes the style and thinks you look very good in the clothes she has bought you. If you are concerned, it would be best to talk to her about it. Overall, if she is comparing you to him only in complimenting you, I see nothing truly upsetting. I know we don't like to hear about the exes of our loves, but at least you can tell she is better off with you and hopefully a lot happier with you as well. Still, if you are confused, id bring it up to her. It would be best to communicate and get things cleared up and off your chest than wondering if you should be worrying.

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    • Hi. I forgot to add that she immediately stopped to with the cologne comments, clothing comments, and comparing me comments when I asked her to. She has never said a comparison comment about her Ex boyfriend since.

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    • Yea right. If you think this, then talk to your girlfriend instead of talking to random people on the internet. She will set this stupid thing straight.

    • No need to bring this up again with her. I already made her feel bad yesterday. She knows what she did and said. And she knows I will reciprocate if she brings her ex up again.

  • I think you should ask her what she's feeling. If you jump the gun, and break up with her when you could have a happy healthy functioning relationship, then you might be missing out on something great in your future. That being said, as much as women try to not compare our exes to our present partner, it happens. It's not a shocker that she's suggesting things to you that were a part of her old relationship because that is what she knows. If you are willing to stick this out, then you'll need to help her find out what YOU like so she has more to go on.

    An important thing to think about though, is that if you are considering breaking up with her, your feelings may not be as strong as they were. It might be wise to do a self-evaluation and figure out if you really WANT to be in this relationship. If you do, then see the above and go with it. If not, just do it and move on so you can both get on with your lives.

    Best of luck friend!

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    • Does it sound like she still has feelings for her ex?

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    • Nevermind everything I wrote. I have had 4 serious girlfriends before my current girlfriend. She has only had one serious boyfriend before me. I will just simply fight back an bring up my girlfriends every time she brings up her ex boyfriend.

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

  • Hell no she doesn't want the other guy anyore. she sounds like a good nice girl that has been hurt. She has done everything in order to show you she is true to you. And just because she still talks about him doesn't always mean she still wants him but rather she is trying to vent her pain. The guy I'm seeing talks about his ex wife of 20 years ago but it doesn't mean he wants her back. she appreciates you by saying how much better you treat her than him. I tell to the guy I'm dating as well, its not comparing you to him but rather trying to convey how much more appreciative she is of you that you treat her well. Id give this girl a chance.

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    • I've made a decision, I will just simply fight back an bring up my 4 ex girlfriends every time she brings up her ex boyfriend. I have had 4 serious girlfriends before my current girlfriend. She has only had one serious boyfriend before me.

      Do you think that's the right way to handle it?

    • lol well, its a dirty way to do it- and IF you decide to do it, don't lay it on too thick, just say enough to get her thinking. The guy I'm dating will occasionally talk about past loves as a way to vent and in all honesty I will reciprocate by bringing up someone from my past. Or pretnend it doesn't bother you , maybe she's trying to make you jealous? its possible. If you the fight fire with fire method be subtle about it. When she mentions her ex say "yeah, I remember when my ex and I did that.

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

  • Noo, actually she sounds like a very good girlfriend so far. Keep with it and see how it goes :)

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    • Thanks!

    • I've made a decision, I will just simply fight back an bring up my 4 ex girlfriends every time she brings up her ex boyfriend. I have had 4 serious girlfriends before my current girlfriend. She has only had one serious boyfriend before me.

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

  • She's not over him

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    • She immediately stopped with the cologne comments, clothing comments, and comparing me comments when I asked her to. She has never said a comparison comment about her Ex boyfriend since. Should I still get out while I have an option?

    • I've made a decision, I will just simply fight back an bring up my 4 ex girlfriends every time she brings up her ex boyfriend. I have had 4 serious girlfriends before my current girlfriend. She has only had one serious boyfriend before me.

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

What Guys Said 4

  • She's only had one previous real boyfriend, so it's normal for her to talk about him with you. And you can't expect her to write her memories out of her life completely. I'm sure you occasinally talk about previous gf's as well, though not a particular one since you've had several. She oly has had the one prior experience to guide her on thinbgs like cologne!

    You don't need to 'retaliate' in any way; that would just be childish, imao.

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    • She's pretty inexperienced at life (18yo) with just one serious boyfriend in her life so far. I don't think she realizes what she is doing.

      I'm just thinking of asking her to Stop what she is doing and explain what she is doing.

      Or, just start bringing my ex's into this, but not lay it on too thick, to get her to realize what she is doing.

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    • It did work and I mentioned my ex girlfriends exactly with the same tone and facial expression as my girlfriend mentioned her ex boyfriend.

    • I was just reciprocating the comments like is was supposed to. Being in a relationship is not about taking personally hurtful ex boyfriend comments and letting someone walk all over you. That is 72/25. A relationship is 50/50

  • I can see why this would bother you, but I don't think it's as bad as you think it is.

    It bothers us as monogamous human beings to think that at one time someone else was with our significant other, which is why we don't like hearing about it.

    I understand because my girlfriend still has contact with an ex as friends. This originally bothered me, but I realized as she was honest with me that it's okay. She didn't have to tell me and I would've never known, so her honesty made me comfortable with it, but still it gets to me about the ex boyfriend thing.

    My opinion is that you should only be upset about the fact that she is trying to change you to adopt his traits. You need to make it known to her that you are your own person and that doesn't involve his cologne or style of clothes. If she constantly compares, be honest with her about the fact that you would like to leave the past in the past and focus on the future, and to leave exes out of your conversations.

    With that being the case, don't start playing a game where she's talking about an ex, so you have to as well. It's immature and can cause problems in your relationship, much worse than the one you have now.

    Honesty and transparency is what makes relationships successful, not games. Good luck.

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    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

  • It sounds like she's comparing you favorably to her, so I'm not sure what the problem is. I'd suggest you just be cool about it.

    I agree that you should avoid wearing the same cologne or similar clothes. But honestly, those are things you should be getting yourself. . .

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    • She's pretty inexperienced at life (18yo) with just one serious boyfriend in her life so far. I don't think she realizes what she is doing.

      I'm just thinking of asking her to Stop what she is doing and explain what she is doing.

      Or, just start bringing my ex's into this, but not lay it on too thick, to get her to realize what she is doing.

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    • No problem. Glad that helped. And good luck!

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing.

  • "Do I have anything to worry about?"

    About her? No. About your insecurities? Yes.

    It sounds like you're just looking for a reason to break up so you can be with this other girl.

    If you want the other girl, man up and just dump the current one. Don't try to make it her fault.

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    • So the pictures he kept of him are not a red flag?

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    • I think it will work if I say just enough to get her attention. I'm an athlete I just don't take a beating without returning the favor.

    • Thank you to Softly Spoken for the comment. It's Unfortunate than I can't make that comment the best answer. Anyways, I followed Softly Spoken's comment and mentioned my ex girlfriends to my girlfriend today at the mall, just enough to get her attention. I suggested a perfume that my last ex wore and looked at some shoes my other ex used to wear. She felt a little pain and realized what she as doing. No Backfire.

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