What should I do right now in this situation?

To make a long story short, I had been seeing a gal for the past year, with a majority of it being long distance. We hit it off great, and the chemistry was there. We lived two hours apart, so seeing each other regularly was difficult. She wanted me to move there and brought it up quite often. I wasn't in a position to make that move, and so we split. Months would go by without contact, and then we start talking again. This happened twice in the last year and all it did was lead to more frustration between us and bitterness on my part. She told me she didn't want to continue anymore unless things changed and I moved closer. OK, here's the situation. I just recently moved, started a new job, etc. I ended up contacting her about a month ago and she agreed to go hang out, just casually. She told me she wanted to start something with me and take things slow. I said OK and was fine with it. What I don't understand is, she started getting more comfortable with kissing and being affectionate, talking about getting intimate, etc. But at the same, I would make moves on her and go along with it, only for her to be annoyed by my advances. I noticed her getting hot and cold around me lately, and I asked her about it. This led to an argument on the phone which there have been plenty of. Now she's been off the radar, and she only talks to me when I engage it. With the last text conversation we had, she told me she wanted to be alone for a while, then tells me she isn't feeling it at the moment and isn't sure if she wants to go any further. I don't understand where all of this is coming from, honestly. I thought that a month and half ago since we started seeing each other again, that she was OK with it. I don't think I've been at all pushy with her or make her feel uncomfortable. It just seems to me she's looking for a way out, like she's regretting back with me. She won't tell me anything else, saying she doesn't have any answers. Now, do I agree to give her some space, or do I just walk away? I just feel like our "relationship" is like a good book that you put down and don't finish reading. I want to continue reading this book If that makes sense! But at the same time, I can't continue to feel like I did anything to make her look at me any differently. And if its gonna be a waste of my time and energy, I don't want it. Any advice? Thanks!


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What Girls Said 1

  • My honest advice is to move on. She seems to be unsure of you and that unfortunately, in "relationships language", means lack of love. You guys started great, and then distance made her cool off somehow. And now that you actually moved, she no longer feels the same way - what she felt was an infatuation, but infatuations.. fade. She still feels something because of the past, there's a part of her that seems to want to "rescue" those feelings, but then blows hot and cold, and then gets to the point of "i'm not feeling the moment". It's that past "moment" she's not feeling anymore, gets confused, needs space, has no answers. That's a (painful) answer already right there, and if you stick around the real danger is if she reconsiders and then wants to 'start things over' - the very basic and solid feelings were not there to start with, and that makes a very poor foundation for any relationship, and will crumble later - don't allow yourself that.

    Btw, this is the first time I ever did this, but you seem really well suited to answer my question - sorry if I'm bothering and if you don't, it's really ok! Can't post the link so..Currently under Relationships > Age over 18 > second page "3 year old boyfriend and long distance relationship"


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