Should I call her after 6 years?

OK so we went out for five years -- but I have not seen her in 6. It was not a bad breakup -- just a little sad. She is 2.5 years older than me, and in girl and guy terms, that means she was very mature and focused and I was still a boy. Weird thing. The state took over the house where she was renting an Apt -- and paid her $10K to move! So she moved farther out into the boonies and bought a condo. A smart move. But I was a city boy -- still working on my degree and immature and unfocused about a future path. Now -- she was ready for kids. And I am like -- where can I find ANY job in my field? Long story short, we grew apart not only because of the distance physically, but at the points in our lives. Of course the breakup was not easy -- there were tears when she slept with someone who was close by. Then when I did -- I guess to pay her back. Ya. I was that immature. But now six years later, I see her Mom passed away, and all that time we spent together came rushing back. Funny thing is, we never fought for the first 4 years and everyone was like...ya...Kathy and Marco...that's a lock. SO, given the time that has gone by, would it be creepy to call her, or a nice gesture to tell her I was sorry to hear about her mom? I did call 4 years ago. It was nice, but she had a boyfriend, and I did not want to disturb the peace. Yes, I have gone out with girls since then, and it was physical, but I never felt soul like this girl. Anyway, I am 31 and she is 34. Too late? Let it go? Or at least try one more time -- and let the chips fall where they may? Thanks!


Most Helpful Girl

  • No it's not creepy at all! I think she would really appreciate hearing from you given her current situation. Just be careful not to expect too much relationship-wise, for right now just be a friend and see what happens next...

    • Great answer -- thanks!


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    • PLEASE call her is not too late but might be if you wait !

      Just let her know that you still think about her and would like to spend some time with her if she is ever up for it.

      She will probably be surprised to hear this and if she is not interested now, at least she will know this and maybe in the future she will decide that she is up for it...but until she has this information, nothing is going to happen...

      I'd want to know...

    • Great points -- again. Guys are so bad at that. We think -- well I picked up the phone -- she has to know how I feel. NO. She does not. You have to tell her. I think your approach is excellent, and I will let you know if anything comes of this.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Part 2 ( see below ... it would not let me add more )

    And the therapist said, "By saying 'that makes me angry' " ...uh no, we certainly did NOT express our anger appropriately! LOL

    Communication is so so important and so many people suck at it...myself included...but I am learning...good luck!

    ( I have learned the hard way not to say things that you do not may realize that you were just saying it out of anger or hurt, but the other person usually does not forget those words...)

    • Yes. That is an incredible skill -- not to let the moment get the better of you and say something you will always regret. Some conflict is inevitable in a relationship, but the goal, I think, is to minimize it. Would you rather be right, or still have the love of your life in your life? Of course, not every relationship can be saved. Divorce is there for a reason. A lot of guys are not taught to put their main relationship -- spouse -- first at ALL times. It's a little sad...

  • If you really want it then go for it otherwise you'll spend your time wishing you had of contacted her. Just try not to expect too much too soon though. I hope it all goes well for you though! :) Good Luck!

    • Thank you very much for your answer. You are right -- if I don't contact her, I will always wish I did. If I do contact her, she can either take it well or not. I have no control over that. All I can do is put my cards on the table, not too much too soon, but let her know I think about her all the time. From there, it is out of my hands. I guess I am leaning toward making the call.

  • Well, I say call her and say you're sorry about her mom, at least that.

    Then, if she's not in a relationship and is interested you can meet and try to fall in love again...

    You see, just like you changed a lot in those years, she has as well, so you'll have to know her all over again and see if you love the 34 yo her.

    If you get to this conclusion, and she's single or in an non-important relationship, open your heart to us. The fact that now you are more mature will very probably change her mind if she still think about you!

    • Great answer! Thank you very much. I did not even think of that. Yes, I have changed. But so has she. It will be process to get to know each other again. Thanks again!

    • You are very welcome! ^^ goodluck

  • Definitely call her and definitely let her know how you feel...just tell her if she is ever single again, that you would love a second chance...why is everyone so afraid to say what they are thinking...what is it going to hurt? She certainly cannot read your would you like it if you waited to tell her and once you got the nerve you find out that you had missed your window of opportunity? Do it now and just nicely tell her that you are still interested and for her to let you know if she is ever available to see you ...communication!

    • Thank you. That is a great answer. Very inspirational and makes a lot of sense. I guess, humans let emotions guide them too often -- good or bad emotions? Along with love, affection and kindness there is also fear, jealousy and avoidance of rejection? I guess many stories in human history come from tying to balance these powerful forces. Have a great holiday!

    • They are powerful sources...and it is hard. Too many times we don't simply say how we feel...we are too afraid ... I learned the hard way not to let my hurt feelings get in the way of healthy communication...and so many people don't know how to express their feelings in a healthy way. At the end of my 15 year marriage, I was in therapy and the therapist asked if we expressed our anger appropriately. I said, "I do not know...what is the appropriate way to express anger?"

  • amazing story...out of curiosity was she your first love? so you always used to think of her even when you were with other girls?

    I think it depends on the girls, I'm they type of don't likes hearing from the guy after a relationship is over,because for me when something is over then I'm working hard to get over it, and I don't need anything that reminds me of it...I just need to let it go...but it depends every girl girl is different, I think you should try for your own sake and that's an opportunity for you to do it...good luck

    • Thanks very much. Not my very first love -- if you count sort of puppy love when you're in teens? But she was my first serious relationship where I realized, hey, there is more to a relationship than having fun. There is a thing called the future. So as I say, I was immature. I think you're right. It may be more for me to contact her than for her. She may not appreciate it, but I won't know unless I ask. I am fairly successful now, and it feels wrong to share it with anyone but her.

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    • I am still getting up my nerve. Felt weird to do it over the holidays!

    • lol You can do this, you can do this, you can do this...I' ll be waiting to hear about it :)

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