Should I tell my ex boyfriend girlfriend that he's a cheater?

I will see my ex boyfriend and his girlfriend this week at a birthday. We went out for almost 4 years and I dumped him. I don't talk to him even though he's still trying to be friends with me. I figure he must want me to be friends with him so I don't tell her the real reason why we broke up. I just want to let her know the type of person he really is. He likes to put an act on how he's a good boyfriend but behind your back he's cheating. I don't want nothing to do with him even when he tried to get back with months after the break up. I want to tell her the truth and just warn her. I would've liked someone to have told me about him before I got with him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • As much as you'd think you'd like to hear it, and perhaps you might have been a person who could handle it, most people don't want to hear that sort of thing. It sounds good on paper, but in reality it doesn't work a lot.

    You're the ex. You don't want him back, you're: Trying to break up their happy lives. (even if it isn't true)

    1) Now he's got more ammo against "how he broke up with you."

    2) You're trying to break them up because you secretly want him back (not true, but how he or she might spin it).

    3) You're the vengeful ex girlfriend who is trying to break them up because you want him to hurt (not true? Still might be how she might see it)

    4) You're "butting in." (May not be true, but again, might be how he'll spin it or how she'll see it)

    As much as you might want to help, you're a stranger to her. And if he's as big a liar as you say, he's already probably made you look really bad. If she believes him (probably the case), no matter how good your intentions might be, they'll be seen badly.

    You can tell everyone else, though... don't go out of your way to badmouth him; don't add in extra personal attacks, as it'll make you look petty... but if anyone asks, simply put, you found out he cheated, so you dumped him. It's someone's duty to tell her (a true friend or family member) perhaps... but not yours.

    Stay away from him, don't be "buddy buddy" with him, but just privately realize that it is what it is, and you got out before it could have gotten worse. Good luck.


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What Guys Said 4

  • many ideas come to my head:

    1) no way you will do it without sounding catty or biter, unless (and this is a BIG if)

    *he IS cheating now, and you somehow know, "once a cheater always a cheater" is NOT a good "evidence" that he is cheating on her, and who knows, maybe he is being 100% loyal to her (at least for now), maybe he will remain that way.

    *depends a lot on HOW he cheated, I mean, it is your RIGHT to dump him for, say, even texting flirtly with other girls, but unless he was borderline SOCIOPATHIC in his behavior, if he kissed another girl, yeah he is a cheater and it is not a small thing, but is not like saying "listen, he is VIOLENT, be careful", yes cheating is SERIOUS, but is less "need to know ASAP"

    2) yeah, pink glasses of love makes us blind, but really, if he is THE cheater you make him seem he is, she should at least sense it OR, her other friends would realize it SOON. Do you know the girl? if she is in your circle, chances are she has had the oportunity to know, even if you do not know her directly, but your friends who know the story might havetold her. Speaking of such...

    3) is this about her? and I believe this is the most important question you should be asking to yourself, your motivation, I am sure, even if you never met her, you could be concerned for her, you might want her to avoid suffering, you may want her to be with someone better, you may want to protect her. Noticed how not once I mentioned HIM there? seriously, if you are not doing this for HER BENEFIT, then STOP, and do nothing, IF you are doing more "against him" than "FOR her", then you are wrong. For what I read, you are moved by your concern for her (and yeah, about how you would have liked to be treated) but we can decieve even OURSELVES, REALLY ask you if your mobile is truly that, if not, refrain from doing it, and now...

    you say you would have wanted a warning, now, again, honestly, think back of when you first started dating him, and picture his ex telling you he is not to be trusted, you would have dumped him there and then? are you dating someone now? are you interested in someone? if you are told something bad about a new love interest, would you give yourself the chance to TRY or would follow the advice and rejected them even if "as of now" you find the guy charming?

    do not know what you will answer, but I believe, your adviced will a) sound resentful (even if it is not) and b) very likely will fall on death ears.

    picture one last thing, you start dating someone new, and your ex tells him you cheated on him, however lie it is (he can tell his girl "it is not like that") it will be your word against his, who do you expect your boyfriend to trust? now it may be a lie, but if your boy choose to believe his word, as I guess you want the girl to believe yours, could you really blame your boyfriend? I mean, you are right, ex is not, but is not about what IS, but about "what the ex says", forget about true or false, is about who she trusts.

  • No, if you have taken yourself out of his life then stay out of his life. Are you going to follow him around forever warning off every girl he goes out with? Kinda silly right? Be better than that. And also be honest with yourself, you speaking up is not doing another person some good deed, it's doing it for yourself because you want to hurt him the way he hurt you. Again, be better than that.

  • This is a tricky situation. He has probably already slandered you to her. At this point anything you say about your relationship with him will only prove you are the crazy, jealous ex he has likely convinced her that you are. You might get a chance to get the message to her someday, but don't go out of your way to tell her. I agree with you in the sense I wish someone would of told me of my ex'es tendency to cheat before I found out the hard way. These people are scum, cheaters are among the lowest forms of life on earth. It sucks these people seem to get away with their treacherous behavior, but they are doomed to repeat this cycle of destruction and live with their self loathing and pain they push down deep inside themselves. They will never know real love and happiness.

  • Tell her for $0.50 you will tell her the truth. If she wants to know then tell her, if she doesn't want to pay she had a choice.


What Girls Said 2

  • It is not your place to tell your ex's girlfriend anything about him. Talking bad about someone else only serves to make you look bad. He is no longer with you and what goes on between them is none of your business.

  • Not worth it. Just move on.


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