Long story short.
Met a guy, dated him, he was the one initiating everything then suddenly he turned round and told me he still hadn't gotten over his ex and thought she might possibly be open to getting back together, he couldn't pass up that chance with someone he already loved to be with me and possibly lose her for that reason.
i was very upset but as he was going through personal things at this time too, I decided to be there for him as a friend, and we also discussed possibly trying again later down the line.
Now I'm beginning to think what an idiot I am. I don't want to hang on being friends with someone, with a SLIGHT chance we may try again for something more one day... I don't want to be someone's second choice. And I really like this guy- REALLY like him.
his friends keep contacting me, saying that he's being stupid, chasing someone who clearly didn;t want him, when he has the chance to be with someone who does. They (and I) are scared he's going to get hurt.
Anyway, basically I want to know- should I cut contact with him for a while and let him know I am doing so? as I feel a little as if he needs a kick up the bum a little - at the moment he is having his cake and eating it- living in delerious hope that his "true love" will come back, and the other girl he really likes, although he left her, is still there to listen to and support him- kind of waiting in the wings. I feel like I've kind of enabled him to have these delusions in a way; and as a result have devalued myself.
Most Helpful Guy
Cut your losses and move on at once, if you want to be valued.
He has history and connection with his ex. He is also in-love with her, which should have instantly prompted you to eliminate the option and/or the discussion of dating you entirely, or, at the very least, until he is completely over her, which should be a lengthy process, by estimation, given his level of ambition to be with her.
Furthermore, if you continue to befriend him and offer your support, you may ultimately be setting yourself up future heartache. Sure, he'll get the comfort he needs from you, but you, on the hand, will be torn if he returns to her.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, where there is smoke, there is fire. If he does reconcile with her, he will likely end the current friendship has with you or drastically decrease the communication between you two
As you can see, staying in frequent contact with him under the present circumstances is a risk that you should not be willing to take.
You must take all-encompassing approach to protecting yourself. You can always consider revisiting dating him when conditions are ideal for you both.