Getting with your close friend - advice for 26 yo virgin.

So, I am a 26 y/o virgin and finding someone to be intimate is difficult for me. It may help to know that I was sexually abused/molested as a child as well as physically and mentally abused. So here's the thing. I have a very close friend, who's a girl, and we are ridiculously close to the point that people usually ask if we're dating. She had a boyfriend and I helped her break up with him about a year ago. So time has passed and we continued to share a very close bond. She even wrote a poem for me. Then suddenly I became sick (anxiety) and she was there for me and I fell in love with her hard. Never has happened to me before. She became busy and my own surprise and nervousness kept me from doing anything. When I had another breakdown she dropped things for me and we met and spent over 6 hrs together just talking. Long story short, she decided to plan something for my birthday as a surprise. I said OK. She went really hard at it and did all these amazing things with me and even got all my friends together to celebrate with me. (During the day, she said she didn't do anything like this for anyone except her ex). I ended up getting depressed towards the end realizing she wasn't mine etc. So at 3 am we all head out and I offer everyone rides home and she's the last one left as always. We drove on got lost and ended up having breakfast and staying together for the next 7 days. We barely slept and just talked and talked incessantly. She doesn't want to go home. She broke down crying with me about personal stuff and even told me she's lonely and looking for a relationship. I've been massaging her, even in intimate spots, and she's taken to holding onto me and cuddling with me. She's still here now, sleeping as I type this. She cooked dinner multiple times she spent Christmas with me and my fam,one morning she woke up and put her arms around me and we fell asleep head to head holding each other. It felt great! I've driven her home for her to take a shower and she still comes back with me. I've tried to express myself to her but I just can't. We can't stop laughing together or touching each other. And I'm deeply in lover with her. But I just can't make a serious move for some reason. It's like I'm ridiculously afraid. Like what if I'm just a friend and always have been? Why am I so confused? I want to make my move before time runs out and she gives up on me. I don't what I'll do the day she decides to go home officially. I know I'll be depressed. But why can't I do anything AND what should I do?! Something that won't break me down is preferrable. by the way, I'm not nerdy or geeky and am a very outgoing personality and talk with plenty of women. So I don't know what this is. Thanks for the help!
P.P.S- I've lost all interest in girls also. For half a year now. I used to like nothing better than to look around and talk to as many as possible. But now, it's like there's nothing there. That feels so shallow now and she's the only one ever worth looking at. I need like a courage/confidence move I can make but I don't want to be bold either. The whole thing scares the crap outta me. I just don't want to lose her- she's the best person I have ever known.
I keep running through various scenarios in my head in which I tell her my feelings and stuff and I get turned down flat in every single one of them. It's like I can come up for an excuse for every reason that I suppose we like each other. I hate being like this
Hey guys thanks for your help I did tell her a little while ago and she just kinda said no to the whole thing. That's what I was expecting since I have no luck in this kinda thing.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well that was a different post than I expected. It was a much better read than I expected.

    I'm gonna be pretty brutally honest with you here, and don't take offense to this, but you need to man up. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I know how it is to be molested, because I don't. I'm not gonna tell you I know how it is to be you exactly, because I don't. But I'm going to tell you that I have been terrified of certain things,and that I have fell to be deepest pit of loneliness. I'm going to tell you that I have felt abused mentally to a point of extreme anxiety among other problems, and I blamed my whole life on these things, I blamed all of my failures on them. So I can tell you these problems aren't weights bound around your ankles, and the problem is able to be overcome. However, searching for sympathy, and allowing them to give reason to your actions should not be acceptable. Why? Because these things are obstacles, and justifying your actions by giving yourself excuses pulls you down to earth so hard you are incapable of jumping those obstacles. Between you and her are where these obstacles lie. Now you can either jump them, or you can continue to crash into them, and I shouldn't have to tell you which one will get you to her and which one will fail.

    Now when you get to her, and I believe you will, will you get what you ultimately desire? That no one will be able to answer, not even her. I can tell you though, that you will have obtained something regardless of outcome, and that is personal and inner strength. Something invaluable, something very worth it, and something to hold great pride in.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Just talk to her and spill your guts


What Guys Said 2

  • Show her this -- what you just wrote about her. Tell her you love her. Tell her before you lose the best thing that ever happened to you.

    Let her know now.

  • You're afraid of losing her by her just leaving, and you're afraid of her turning you down if you talk to her. The worst thing you can do is NOT talk to her. You would NEVER forgive yourself if she walked out the door without her knowing how you really felt. NEVER.

    You HAVE to talk with her. Share every feeling you have about her. If it scares you too much to begin, then show her this. If she's not already head over heals crazy for you, which it sounds like she is, she will be when she reads it.

    Why do you think she doesn't want to go home? Because she wants to be with you. And she's waiting for you to do something...To tell her, show her. ...STOP THINKING, AND DO!...


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