BF thinking of dumping of me. Worth fighting for?

My boyfriend and I have been together for one year. I think we have a great relationship. He does too. All of a sudden he is getting "cold feet" to continue. He does this in relationships. He doesn't know when you are "suppose to know she's the one". He was sure about someone once. He was 16. It ended because she moved away. He's 32 now, still looking for that feeling.

I think a lot of people are not "sure" about the person they are with. I appreciate that he is honest about this, but at the same time, it's gut wrenching. I'm not "sure" about him either, but my approach to relationships is just figure it out. I don't have the same romantic ideals.

I have never asked him for anything. I'm 28. I want to have kids someday. He also wants to have kids. He talks about us having children all the time. We have never talked about getting married. I don't think he is interested at all. We don't live together. In fact, we live in different cities. He lives with his parents (!), so we only get to see each other once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks.

He asked me to give him a few days to sort out his feelings. I am suppose to sit on the back burner while he decides if I'm worth the effort. He says he loves me, but he doesn't have "the feeling".

I don't think he will ever have the feeling he felt at 16. He's chasing a dream. But maybe I'm wrong.

He is trying to be compassionate to me by not "leading me on". Should I be compassionate to him and let him go? It would also be compassionate to myself, free myself up to meet someone who would want to be with me. Or should I give him time to sort out his feelings and wait for him? If he committed with his heart (we've always been monogamous, no issue there), then I think we could really have a beautiful future.

All the while, this is making me feel worthless, rejected and abandoned. I don't want to feel so pathetic. I also don't want him to break up with me. I think, if he decided to put both feet in, he could be such a loving partner.

On a side, during this conversation, he made a joke. He said "Couldn't we just get you pregnant?". I responded "So you would be stuck with me?". He said "Yeah, it would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to make a choice". I laughed along, but it was heart-breaking.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think you should give him the chance. I don't think this is worth fighting for. I don't think this will get better. He's not going to get the feeling he's looking for, and I don't think he's ever going to settle. He sounds like he's just being stupid and immature, and something about your relationship is lacking. On both sides, no less.

    Even if you convince him to stay, he's going to be thinking about leaving. Even if he comes back after leaving, he's going to be looking for other things. I don't think that will change. You're not what he really wants. It's a harsh thing to say, but I think you should know. This won't get better. I don't think this is worth fighting for. Sorry.

    I get the feeling you're probably not looking for an honest response, because most people who ask the type of question you just asked aren't looking for honesty. Most often, they're looking for someone to coddle them, and tell them a miracle answer that says everything is alright, and always will. I can't give you that, and I'm sorry.

    So my advice is to just end it. Break it off, return each others things to their respective owners and just give up. Go out, and find someone better. If he comes crawling back, I suppose you could always let him back in, but I guarantee this will become a pattern, so I don't recommend it. Just end it, and close all doors. There's nothing you can do here.

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    • Honesty appreciated. He has been transparent that this is what he does. He can only appreciate someone in hindsight. He says it himself: He feels like a teenager. I enjoy spending time with him because it's fun and easy, but he isn't right for me either.

    • I concur. He's not right for you. When you leave him, you might want to give him a well prepped speech about what a fucking child he's being, as well. Seriously, this guy needs to wake the hell up.

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