I cannot stop thinking about one of my first guy crushes. Like, for years, we were always drawn to each other, but we never really got together. Timing was just always really bad. I'd say everytime I was in love with him, was the time he hated me most, and vice versa. But still, I was never quite able to let him go.
He made moves, but like I just said, I was never brave enough or sure about it to act on them! And I know that after all of this time, he has probably given up on me (I did reject him quite a few times...) , but I just cannot seem to move on! Like, I had boyfriends since then, but still I'm never able to stop thinking about him and wondering whether I should be with him. And I know this is unfair to the other ones, but like I said, I just cannot let him go! He was a high school friend, we grew up together, we saw each other in school every year, made our first clubbing experiences together and so on. I feel like I know him really well and I think that's mutual.. Ever since we've graduated, we've moved to different cities to study, so we don't see each other as often as we used to! But everytime we do, everytime I see him, I feel safe, and I regret everytime I rejected him. Timing was just really bad!
Anyways, how do I let him go? Do I ever tell him how I felt for him? Like, maybe I finally have to confess all of that to him in order to get a honest "leave me alone, I haven't thought of you like that in ages" answer?