Said he doesn't want to be the rebound - How do I prove he isn't?

I was in a long term relationship that ended at the beginning of October. I had dated this guy for 4 years.

An ex came back into the picture (that had ended things with me for military reason - he was going to be off doing training etc while we were in college) He helped me get the courage to break up with him. My ex said "I broke you up from one relationship to date you the first time and now I'm doing it again and this will be the last time." We rekindled an old flame. Everything was going great talking/texting but I was holding back some because I was so freshly out of the relationship. He picked up on this right away. I cancelled plans with him twice saying I felt guilty. After that he began distancing himself for the months of November/December.

Randomly right before Christmas he text asking what I had planned for New Years and asked if I wanted to spend it with him as a friend. I said sure I would come out there. He text me the day of New Years eve asking what color my dress was so he could match me. I thought hmm that is odd. I just went with it.

He invited 2 of his buddies out as well with us so it was me and 2 guy friends that went out for the night. They just wore jeans and t shirts while me and the ex were super dressed up. He wore a suit and tie and I had a dress. At the bars one of his buddies introduced a guy to me randomly and said go along with this. I did and eventually my ex came of whispered in my ear so I turned then he planted a huge kiss on me. He then said "problem solved". Obviously it was a set up by one of his buddies to see how he would react. Then the rest of the night my ex and I pretty much spent the entire time making out at the bars. He eventually told me the reason he distanced himself was that he just didn't want to be the rebound.

I can see a future with us and very long term. He was the hardest ex for me to get over the first time because things were so great between us then the military training happened. How do I show/prove that I want him more than just fill shoes temporarily? He text me New Years day making sure I made it home OK after I spent the whole day with him. He said he was going to be super busy with work the next few weeks (He also told his buddies that at his apartment when we were all there). I don't want to seem clingy but I want to show that I want him and only him in my future - How do I do this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a little confused. It seems like after the slow months of November and December, things really heated up on New Years. Do you feel that was just a temporary night of passion? Has he mentioned anything about being a rebound since that night? This problem may already be resolved unless I'm reading this wrong.

    • He is still being distant and barely texting me but he did say his work was going to be hectic for the next few weeks. I'm so confused. All he kept saying new years Eve was he didn't want to be the rebound. We had sex and spent new years day together. Everything was awesome. I assume work has just been busy. What do you think?

    • I see your dilemma now. You were getting very mixed messages at the same time. So it still needs to be resolved. A rebound happens after a breakup when someone is focused on the ex rather than the new love interest. It doesn't sound like that's happening in your case. Maybe you need him to tell you what rebound means to him. It could be more of an excuse to cover another reason for holding back.

    • It helps that he told you we would be busy. It would also help if he would commit to a time when the two of you can get together or at least talk on the phone. It's best not to confront him while he is busy. You will have opportunities to discuss this when he brings up rebound again. You could always text him that you miss him and would like to talk when he's available. Keep it light and sweet until he brings up the rebound topic.

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