How can he play with my feelings like that?

idk where to begin.this is actually older story but its still bugging me :( there's a guy I'm in love with..its been more than one year...but he has a girlfriend, theyve been togehther for 6 years. the problem is I fell in love because he started to flirt with me, started to be too nice and so on, he was always only a friend to me until then. We studied at the same college, I mean he already finished, I'm still there, but when he had a day off from his job he would come to visit us , we live in a college dorm, he still has a lot of other friends there and when he has a chance he's all over me.. he's flirting again, trying to get my attention and when he's drunk he doesn't care that there are other people (some of them even know his girlfriend ), he hugs me in front of everyone, and is really close to me. And when we are alone he's telling me how much he likes me and he's holding me tight in his arms, he's kissing my forehead, he's acting like he really cares...I admit we've had sex a couple of times when we had a chance...I know that's bad, but I couldn't help it and he was the one who kinda started but I know its not an excuse...the point is that he's like that only after a few drinks and the next day when he leaves he doesn't even write me, nothing..he just ignores me for a month or 2 weeks , then comes again and the same story happens every time...he rarely contacts me on FB and if so, its never the next day after we spent a night was really confusing, cause I feel like were soulmates, were having such a good time together and I don't understand why is he doing this? he told me couple of times last year that he's sorry he hurt I thought he knew how I feel but I wasn't sure because I've never said after some really bad days I decided to text him , because I went to spend the summer to the USA so I thought it will help to get it out of my was a long text but basically I told him I have feelings for him and why is he doing that to me if he knows he's hurting me and I asked him for some explanation and I told him to be honest and not to be scared to tell me he's just using me or whatever I don't care...he replied : I really do like you but I hurt you and I can't take that back but now I hurt my girlfriend too so if you wanna blame someone its me. I'm sorry, I can't be with anyone right now for what I did, I'm sorry and I don't want to take excuses in alcohol ( because I told him I know it all happened only when he wasn't sober)...for all I know they Haven't broken up of course, so I don't understand why did he have to lie to me and say he cannot be with anyone. I don't know maybe I'm stupid but I think that meant he's going to break up but not going to be with me, which is fine, I just wanted some answer. then after a week when I was already in the US he texted me like nothing happened, how am I and so on, and after that he ignored me the whole summer.

But in October we had a party with friends and suddenly he showed up. I was ignoring him but he came to me when I went outside to smoke and asked me how was USA, I said awesome, then he asked : and besides that how are you? I said very good but I meant it sarcastically and then I left back inside ignoring him. but after that he started to be like old self, he was trying to get my attention all the time, laughing at my jokes, being really nice to me and then when almost everyone left he was lying
on a bed I was sitting on and he was rubbing my back for the whole time while I was talking to a friend that was still up. Then I left to my room to sleep. He didn't come to me, he didn't text, he didn't imply he wants sex with me again , but still what the hell was that? and of course since then he didn't text, nothing. I know I have to cut contact with him but I just want some explanation of his behviour.why can't he just talk to me and explain?
Its been couple of months but I'm still so devastated, I didn't see him since then, he was supposed to come to my friends birthday party, but he didn't show up. Its killing me that I don't know. Guys, do you think he's actually really sorry he did that to me, or is he such an ass and doesn't care at all? I don't know what to think, he didn't show up since October so maybe he doesn't wanna hurt me anymore but he couldve at least talk to me and make everything clear, I would get over him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • i'm going to make something very VERY clear.

    he behaves like this because he doesn't respect women enough to treat them with the dignity that they deserve. he behaves the way he does because you let him. if you cut him out he might persist a bit but eventually would get the point. he knows that he can probably get you into bed and since he doesn't give a sh*t about his girlfriend why shouldn't he.

    so we know why he does what he does. he's a selfish, low character, disloyal, loser and user

    the real question becomes what exactly is so attractive about a guy who will use you, cheat on his girlfriend and consistently shows a pattern of little respect ?

    • yeah I know, its stupid, but unfortunately our brains are so dumb sometimes.I realize it, but its hard to explain. Its just, I always had great time with him, we laughed a lot so and he was able to act really,really nice, and make me feel that he actually cares. So I fell in love and I can't seem to fall out of it. I'm trying to tell myself he's an ass, but somewhere deep inside I still have hope that one day maybe he will realize or something like that :(

    • Show All
    • it's hard to mentally move past it. after one bad breakup is when I got into meditation. otherwise just sort of finding ways to occupy my time was the biggest help. hobbies, friends, family, etc

    • yeah I'm trying to be busy too but the problem is I'm actually starting to lose interest in things I used to like. The only thing I still love is being with my friends, that is helping me, but there are times when we are just alone and that's the worst time for me. I know I should read a book or do something but I'm just not interested I can't get my mind into wanting to do it :/

What Girls Said 1

  • Most men are like that

    • thats what's so sad :( Most of my life I've been alone, I'm 23, I have a lot of male friends so I'm in the middle of everything and see what's happening around me and I actually know a lot of guys who cheated on their GFs. I'm actually losing all hope there is a relationship where people are really faithful. Maybe first year, or two, maybe three but then poeple just don't like the routine and stereotype or I don't know what's the reason they need to make other poeple fall for them