My boyfriend is being sexually abused. I don't know what to do!

My boyfriend's been acting aggressive (not violent) and agitated for a few months now and we've had a LOT of arguments trying to sort this out. He'll get angry at the simplest things, like me making certain meals he'll just not eat them whereas usually he'd be happy with whatever I made etc. Also if I'm talking on a certain subject for a while he gets irritable and shouts. I was beginning to feel very hurt and was thinking of ending it because he was not acting like the same boy I started to date. Funny, harmlessly sarcastic and even irrationally loyal to people he cares about. Now he was a snappy unhappy person that I felt I didn't know.

That was until last night, when I told him how I was feeling, how I didn't see the relationship continuing in this way. He broke down, sobbing. I've never seen him cry before, it shocked me. I desperately tried to ask him what was wrong and why he was crying and he kept shaking me off and not wanting to tell me. Eventually, I told him I'd leave if he didn't tell me, and there was pain in his eyes, he didn't look at me and he told me that his uncle's been sexually abusing him again. I knew this had happened to him in the past but I thought it had STOPPED for definite. I couldn't believe it when he told me this. The most recent occasion this happened to him was on Sunday, and it's been happening approximately twice every three weeks. He has changed a lot, and I'm not sure how to help him, his uncle is very big, I could not hold him off, if I was ever there when it happened.

My heart breaks knowing this and I can't let it go on but he has told me not to go to the police, because his family would break down if this came out (he is right, his family is very unstable as it is). So what the hell can I actually do for him?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is there a way you can report this to the police? Will the police do anything if you say your boyfriend is being molested and you know who it is? If I were in your shoes I would take this matter into my own hands and call the authorities and get this uncle in trouble. I know he doesn't want his family to know, and such, but this is for HIS well being. He can't put this aside just because of his family! What his uncle is doing is criminally wrong and morally wrong, and he needs to get trouble for it. I know you are stuck, cause it does seem like a "stuck" situation cause you are the girlfriend, but I think what you should do is go to great lengths to get his uncle in trouble weather your boyfriend approves of it or not, cause your boyfriend needs help and he needs to be out of this situation for good. He is in fear of his uncle. His resistance to going to the police about this is very common amongst sexually abused victims, cause they are "fearful" of what is going to happen to them or it might make the sexual abuse worse, etc.

    I feel for you, and I am so sorry you are going through this! I would seriously disregard what he's saying and if I were you I would take the matter into my hands, cause nothing is going to be solved, and he won't be free from this unless authorities are involved. So please for your boyfriend's sake call anyone to get his uncle in trouble. Your boyfriend is going to let this abuse escalate cause he is in fear, this happens to almost every sexually abused victim. Help him out of his deep hole, please. Also he will need extensive therapy to help with the trauma. Hope I helped, and I hope everything works out. You can email me if you want and keep me updated! My heart breaks for you and your boyfriend, take care!

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    • I am going to try all I can to get his uncle in trouble and not listen to my boyfriend if he tells me not to. I will be there for the fallout. I will love him through this and give him all the support I can.

    • That's very good of you! Right on girl! Justice needs to be served on this piece of shit that's molesting him. I hope everything works out! Keep me updated, and take care!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • What to do? Find a way to get that Uncle arrested. He needs to be off the streets, and also, keep your Boyfriend far away from him as possible. If your boyfriend lives with him, move him out to another place. Tell someone about it. I think you can go to the police if he is unwilling to and file a claim. Speak to criminal lawyer about what can be done about this. Most abused people cannot see their being abused because the abuser is really good at manipulation.

    If it goes on, your boyfriend is liable to snap and attack you due to this!

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    • My boyfriend has never laid a finger on me and I resent your prediction about him abusing me. But I am doing what I can at the moment. Since finding out what's been going on he's been slightly less angry, a lot more upset and vulnerable from what I can see (perhaps he's just showing it more now).

    • Resent all you want, I don't care. The real question is what are you going to do to help him? And being loving and consoling ain't good enough!

  • Convince him to go to the police. It's impossible to accept that.

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  • a family only held together by an uncle who is sexually assulting him. he shouldn't be part of that kind of family to begin with

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    • well I think that's fairly fucking obvious don't you?!

    • then call the cops already

      or convince your boyfriend to leave home and stay somewhere away from them

    • a friend of mine had a friend who had an abusive family

      he called a few of his friends followed the guy home and before he can open the door threated him to not do it again

      maybe you can do something similar if you dnt want to call the cops

What Girls Said 2

  • I think its time for his uncle to get put behind bars for awhile. He's destroying his nephews live and it needs to stop!

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  • If he's not willing to go to the police then I don't think there's much you can do, besides maybe moving away and taking him with you. If he stays where he is and doesn't want to involve the police then there's nothing stopping his uncle from continuing the abuse.

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    • I can't live knowing he's being hurt like that. It's disgusting.

    • Show All
    • I'll try,I'll try anything to help him at this point.

    • Be careful please!

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