I can't forget how he ignored me after the first break-up. Please help!

Sad to say, I took my ex boyfriend back. We went out for a month two years ago and he broke it off. He couldn't commit. I was heartbroken. Within those two years he didn't talk to me and pursued girls in front of me.

I was in a new relationship and he said he regretted letting me go. When my relationship ended, He apologized to me last year, regretted acting like a jerk and that I didn't deserve it. I forgave him and took him back because I'm in love with him. Not everyone agreed with my decision.

Now he treats me with love, respect and is the best he's ever been. We're great and the relationship is wonderful. He told me that he's in love with me too.

But those feelings of hurt and pain I felt when he ignored me and went to other girls before we got back together, they always resurface. I can't help it. I feel sad from time to time and therefore can't completely feel happy with him because of what he did.

Please someone help me! I'm very depressed, what do I do? My heart wants me to be with him but my head is reminding me of the past.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, yeah, this is difficult...I'd say, you have to be very honest with both him and yourself. Have you told him that you're still resenting him for those things? If he is really in love with you, you should be able to tell him. Plan ahead though. Pick a time when you're both relaxed and somewhere comfortable. Maybe write it out on a notepad so you know exactly what you want to say. This way you can edit not just what you want to say but how. You don't want to just blow up at him out of the blue.

    Also, ask yourself what you expect out of it. Do you just want him to say he's sorry or would you want a more public apology? Is there a behavior you want him to change? Is this your litmus test for whether he really loves you?

    In a way the last question answers itself. If he reacts defensively, I'd still give him a bit of time, even if you think things might go downhill. Give him a chance to get comfortable with the info. Even if you present your side calmly he might feel attacked. If can't seem to see your side at all and just throws out something like "Well, get over it, I'm with you now, aren't I", I'd seriously re-consider the relationship...IMHO:)

    Good luck!

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    • Yeah you've basically said what I've been thinking lately. So many thoughts are going on in my head with possible scenarios. I will tell him, I'm just going to wait. And to answer the last question, yes this would really reassure his love for me, the way he handles it when I do tell him. I'm hoping he can take it.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I had the same problem, however my ex cheated on me, I decided to forgive him and when we got back I was really struggling with what I feel and what I think. In my case , my head turned out to be right, but give it a chance, give it time and you'll see.

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    • So you didn't give him a second chance? Sorry to hear he cheated on you.

    • No I did forgive him but he cheated on me again and then we broke it off for good. After 3 years we are no longer even in contact.

    • Oh my, that's a bummer. Hope you're enjoying life. He sounds like a jerk.

  • I've been in a similar situation as well. I'm currently on the ending end of it.

    He was messing around talking to other girls, lying about it, joining dating sites, ignoring me. (3 year relationship). This all began around 2 years ago, and his actions continued. So to this day I have extreme trust issues with him, but also a huge love for him.

    Love can put you in compromising positions.. my best advice to you is to tell him how you feel, if he shrugs it off, and continues to do nothing to make you feel secure in the relationship, then it's time to call it quits.

    Ending it sooner rather than later is always the better option. Also, don't let your anxiety or mistrust get to you.. don't give him more than he's giving you in attempt to show him what you need. A lot of guys just get spoiled off of that and it gives them more to take for granted.

    Stay strong girly! If he's worth it, then stay, but know that you wouldn't have this issue with someone new. It's a hard realization, but one that should be made.

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