So my parents are getting divorced...any advice for me?

Alright so my parents are getting divorced pretty soon, my mom is giving my dad the separation papers this Tuesday.

Long story short my mom is not happy with my dad and hasn't for a while and she just can't take it anymore.

For the past month my dad has been telling me about things about that he shouldn't have been telling me. Pretty talking about things but making it should like its my moms fault for literally EVERYTHING. So he's been putting me in the middle of everything. I Haven't heard anything from my mom and released the things my dad have been telling me are not even close to being true. So I'm on my moms side with everything and just lost trust for my dad.

So for people who have been in this kind of situation or their parents getting divorced as well...do you have any advice for me?

Thanks in advanced

0|0
85

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honey. The worst part of parents divorcing is what your dad did. The children have nothing to do with the divorce. They should be told only what they need to know. But parents will bad talk another parent. Making you feel like you need to choose sides. But, for your father, he is probably afraid that you will hate him, he failed at marriage which can be demasculating. He doesn't want to lose his children too. It's a painful time for him. Doesn't excuse him talking about things he shouldn't. It's just his way of defending his position as your father. He may feel he failed his kids too. Don't chose sides. You need to just tell your dad that what he has said hurt you and you don't wsnt him or your mom talking bad about each other. You just wsnt a relationship with him. I don't know what happened in their relationship. But this is a painful time for him and her. You are not responsible for being the councilor. Your job is being the child. As a divorced parent, my children were never thrown in the middle. They saw their father, and now that they are teens they make their own decisions. I just support and love them.

    How do you feel about the divorce? How had this affected you? Do you have someone to talk to about this? Divorce sucks, but it sucks even more when parents drag their kids into it. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. But always be respectful they are always going to be your parents.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Yeah I have plenty of friends to talk to over things. IT really only effected me (at first) that I couldn't sleep for a couple nights (my long term girlfriend broke up with me shortly after they brought up the idea of divorce so it sucked even more haha) For me rn I'm kinda excited that my mom is gonna be happy because she hasn't for a long time. I still love my dad and all but he just been a jerk to my mom for the longest time. Thank you for the advice it means a lot :)

    • Anytime hun. I have kids ranging from preteen to early 20's. They are all well adjusted. Sometimes the worst part of divorce is the fact that there will be 2 households. But, you acknowledged the most important factor here. The fact your mom will be happy. She loves you, more than you will know. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and confide in your mom or dad. You will be on amazing person when you are all grown up.

    • Thanks again :)

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • hey suck it up, you're a big boy. I dealt with my alcoholic mother being in and out of my life and abusing me at five years old. and that's not even that bad.

    it could be a LOT worse kid.

    0|0
    0|1
    • hey, thanks for the horrible advice :)

    • Show All
    • not having sympathy for someone isn't the same as not having morals, either. What I'm trying to say is, I know someone who was repeatedly, and violently molested by her own father... Now what would you rather have?

    • yes I get it, but still do you really need to post that?

  • Divorce can bring out the worst in people and that's what happening with your parents. Your father doesn't sound too mature but that's just my opinion. If you're on your mother's side then so be it but don't gang up on your dad or else you can make the situation worse. Simply tell your father to stop bringing you into it. You have to stand your ground with him. Good luck.

    0|1
    2|0
  • You'll be fine. It 's more difficult for the child when they are younger.

    0|0
    0|1
  • Things happens for a reason

    0|0
    1|1
  • My parents got divorced. I didn't even care

    0|0
    1|1
  • The same thing happened with my parents in 2010, my mom was unhappy too and moved out and was kinda forced to move in with a man (that became her boyfriend for the next two and a half years) because of financial problems. We moved around a lot and my father told me things I shouldn't have known. I was very young at that time and was forced to grow up quickly. Still today my parents can barely look at each other which is pretty sad since they were best friends and perfect for each other but my father refused to give up alcohol and my mother gave up after years of begging him to stop it. They had been together for 15 years. Do NOT allow your dad or mom to talk about each other in any way unless its positive. I got depressed and still am today though I don't show it on daily bases. I was too young and got to know the cruelty of people. When your dad starts to talk about your mother let him know that you won't have any of it and walk away. It took me a long time to realize that I had to do that so he would stop. Best of luck, I know what you are going through but just to let you know that this year and maybe the next are going to be tough but there does ALWAYS something good come out of it. I have three best friends to show off for it that I've gone through black and white with :)

    0|1
    0|0
  • Ignore them, you will see the worst come out.

    At least you are an adult now and can do your own thing. You need to grow up fast and get a life of your own now.

    0|2
    0|0

What Guys Said 5

  • This is their issue. Don't let them drag you into it. If your dad starts badmouthing your mom, tell him you don't want to hear it and to vent to someone else.

    And realize that things may not be as clear as it seems. Your mom may have stayed in the relationship for your sake, but that doesn't necessarily mean she didn't contribute to the problems. Your dad may have been an obvious Jersey, but there are other ways to antagonize or hurt a person that aren't so obvious.

    I'm not saying this is the case for your parents, but consider it as one of MANY possibilities before you simply shut your dad out completely: Your parents' relationship has been bad for 12 Years. You say your mom fell out of love. Your dad has been a dick and seems to exhibit some anger after all these years. Anger indicates emotion. It's possible that she fell out of love, but he didn't. Consider what it might be like to spend 12 years living with someone you want to love, but who only shows you coldness. That could turn a person really bitter and angry, no? That doesn't excuse his actions, it just makes them a bit more complex.

    Again, not saying that's the case, and even if it is, that's still not the whole story. I'm just saying that things are probably a lot more complicated than they seem between them. You don't know every conversation they've had in the last 12 Years, so don't rush to take sides and lose a relationship with a parent.

    0|1
    0|0
    • yeah I get where you're coming from. Thanks for the advice!

  • Given your mother 'couldn't take it' and left him, I'm not surprised he finally blew his ability to contain all his disappointments. Maybe he's a big liar. Maybe not.

    I'd suggest you tell each of them (because it may happen from both) that you're disappointed they're divorcing but that it is their relationship, and you intend to focus on the parent child relationship YOU have with each of them.

    You don't need to take sides because you're not part of the marriage. If your mother is a decent mother have a good mother-son relationship with her. And if your father is a good father, have a good father-son relationship with him.

    Realistically you're entering a period of your life where whether the two of them live in the same house or not is going to impact you less.

    0|1
    0|0
    • LOng story short my dad was just being a dick to my mom for 12 years. She stayed because she wanted to stay for us (me and my bro). She just feel out of love. Thank you for the answer tho it means a lot :)

    • He may well have been a total dick. If she was just staying for you, I have to wonder how great a relationship he was getting back. Finger pointing going back that far ... I'm sad for the two of them. But even if one of them was the worst damn spouse in the world, they might still be an okay parent ...

    • yeah I get what your saying. Thanks again

  • Mine got divorced around the time I was four, so I'm afraid I can't really give a large amount of tips. If it happened to me now I'd probably take no sides and let them sort it out :l

    0|1
    0|0
  • My parents have fought a ton this year and last, and while they're not getting a divorce--at least, not yet--it's gotten to the point my dad visited a divorce attorney for consulting.

    Hmm... my case is different, where mom is really the one at fault. poor health, so she's often ill. and when she's ill, she's mean to everyone. or like, her and my dad get in an argument? she'll be in an awful mood, take it out on me and my siblings, any safe target.

    just, realize that both your mom and dad are going to tell different stories, and neither might be 100% true.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Just remember there are two sides to every story! But my honest recommendation is to stay out of it as much as possible.

    Tell your dad to see a therapist or something and that you don't feel you should be someone he should be talking to this about and that it just looks like he's trying to poison you against your mom. You never know what could have really happened between them and sometimes it could be better not to know.

    0|1
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...