Am I crazy? Or is everyone else?



I guess I'm not supposed to be posting this because I seriously tried typing this question out 3, now 4 times already and each time I've gotten to the end it deleted everything I wrote, so here's my abosulte last time.

A while back I had a conversation with a few of my male co-workers about something and what they told me really struck a cord. And something my mother told me tonight made me think about all of it again.

Back in October me and my boyfriend were having some relationship issues, and I went all psycho girlfriend onhim and did some snooping, and I found somethings. through Facebook (which I already had access to via his permission, not for what I did but to use for when we played online games) I found a conversation between him and a girl about a website called "Meetme" from there I hacked into his MeetMe account and found a series of conversations between him and serveral females. One very long one that bothered me ALOT. I have not and still have yet to confront him about all of this. I will post conversations below. (or try to)

Back in Nov/Dec I was talking to my co-workers about all this and they said how stupid I was and I should have confronted him. They also asked if I cheated on him or did the same to him yet or if I plan to which I told them no because two wrongs don't make a right, and I've already done wrong enough by invading his privacy. They went on to say that while yes I did wrong, he was doing wrong first by having these conversations.

Today my mother asked if me and my boyfriend made a deal yet where we can basically cheat on each other while I'm on my cruise to the Bahamas (which I told her no, I don’t plan to, which she said why your going to be a bunch of miles away) Going on the cruise without him doesn't make me antsy enough, because of above, now she puts stuff in.

But anyways am I crazy? are they right? should I confront him? is it too late? should I cheat back? did he technically cheat?

Updates:
cant post the links. some stupid rule about needing to be level 4
I didn't explain the part where I feel like I shouldn't be mad at him because at that point in our relationship we kinda sucked at sex. Aka I didn't give him as much as he needed. I feel like what he did was all my fault hence why I never confronted him *braces for lash back from you all*

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me be the first person in the history of GaG to say... when your in a meaningful relationship...

    fuck privacy.

    If you need privacy it's because you need to hide something and if you need to hide something it's ether because you're doing something you shouldn't be doing or something you're ashamed to be doing.

    Beyond that I have nothing of value I want to add.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I fully agree that cheating back at him makes no sense at all. I can't imagine that would actually make someone feel better. The rest is much more difficult. It is a bit of a problem that you found out about all this by inappropriate means. But it has happened and now you have to decide the next step. I don't think it's a good idea to do nothing and hope things will resolve themselves. You need to either forgive him for what he's done so far and then work to find a way to improve the situation so he loses incentive to stray (assuming he was not always this way), or confront him about it. If you do, you'll need to keep the focus on what he did because he's going to focus on your behavior as an excuse. No matter what was going on before or how inadequate some part of your life, there is never justification for cheating on someone. If you go the confrontation route he needs to own up to it and give you reason to believe that he will turn away from it. If he won't do that, you should assume the cheating will continue.

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  • It depends on what they actually said to each other. If he "cheated," then don't act like a child and waste a bunch of your and his time by cheating and playing games, just be an adult and leave him.

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    • i would totally show you what they said but I can't unless I directly message you them

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    • As I said below, I feel like all this is my fault anyways. I want really giving him much, I can kinda see why he did what he did. Hence why I haven't confronted him.

    • Any time a girl rationalizes as you are, the names change but the story always concludes in the exact same sad way. This wasn't your fault and had nothing to do with what you did or didn't do; this is about him. It revealed who he really is. You'll either waste time and effort before having to confront who he really is anyway (once it's far too hard for you to rationalize) or suffer even more several anguish after he eventually, inevitably drops you. Sorry, but no good will come from this.

  • not your fault, do not blame yourself

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What Girls Said 2

  • you should have confronted him when you found out. def do it now and yes he will be mad that you snooped but he should be willing to explain. if not, dump him. and I'm kinda surprised at what your mom said. I took a hawaiin vacation and every day I wrote in a journal for my then boyfriend.

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    • yea my mom is crazy. I think she's mad at him because I want to move in with him.

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    • okay this is starting to make more sense now. please send me a message so I can give you my comment to that. from very personal experience.

    • I friend requested you

  • Confront him about it. He'll definitely get mad and say you invaded his privacy, which you must admit you did. But your coworkers are right, he definitely was wrong to have conversations of that type with any other girl. Don't cheat back though because even if he gave you permission to do so you'll both end up resenting each other. Doing that will just end your relationship most likely.

    If I were you I would confront him about it, admit I was wrong for snooping, but ask why he even had anything to find in the first place. You need to communicate in a relationship and have trust, losing those two things will doom a relationship no matter what.

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