Help. Messed around with my bestfriend and he's engaged?

K what to do? Best friends for almost 2 years. Met at school. There's always been that attraction. He and I flirt occasionally but drinks are involved. First person I want to tell happy or bad news to and vice-versa. Talk and text back and forth minimum several times a day- and for the record, these text I would be completely comphy with is anyone seeing. But he's engaged. Been together since before he and I met and became engaged after he and I met. I helped him do it. He's my best friend and he couldn't afford a ring so I gave him mine to sell and buy his own. I was happy to do it. I'm giving the "best man" speech for him. In the time we've known each other we have always been there for each other, shoulder to cry on, I need to bitch about a guy or he bitches about his girlfriend, shoot the shit. No subject is off limits. We spend time together on a regular basis. Nothing has ever happened. I've dated. He's occasionally met them. But its important to me that he likes them. Some times it seems like he jealous but I don't know for sure- just his responses and or behavior. This is different because if this happened with another guy, he's the person I would talk to about it. But this time he's the guy. He was over just like any other of the millions of times he's been. We were sitting on the couch watching a movie live we have before and but this time he got "cuddly". That's never happened. But it wasn't weird, it was felt comfortable, "normal". Occasionally I smoke in my room at night if its cold out- he's aware of this. He suggested the smoke, he went there. As great as he is and as freaking' awesome as it would be, I thought I had decided that nothing would ever happen, it was like an unspoken rule between us, it has been mention between us in drunk conversations. We did not sleep together but we fooled around. At one point I said if this is going to become weird then this has to stop. There was no sex. After, HE said that I can't get weird on him that if he and I stopped being friends that would be weird, that I have to promise not to "break up" with him and that the only thing that could keep him out of my life is -he said a variety of things- but essentially death. I said as far as my concerned this was a Vegas thing, doesn't leave the room and it never happened and it won't again. He answered with "are you sure"? And I repeated what I just said. We hung out for a bit more, he went home. For hours afterward he constantly texted and called several times, once just to bitch about the shitty drive home. I don't want for us to get into a weird spot and I would feel "broken" if he wasn't around and he's pretty much said the same thing. I don't know what to do. In a perfect world he and I could get together but its not and we're not. He is with someone. I know that, he knows that. I know that I want more but have accepted that there isn't more, it is what it is. I'm fine with chalking it up to "shit happens" but what if he wants more how do I know?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Simple. You ask him. And you ask him now. BTW where's his fiancé in all of this? You didn't mention her take on your relationship or him being with you and talking to you even though you're giving the best man speech. Will your relationship with him change once they say I Do? My guess is yes. It seems wives have ways if pulling in the reigns from that moment on. They can may life pleasant, and they can make life a living hell. It's not easy to tell which it will be from the beginning.

    From what I read it sounds like the two of your were made for each other. I'd give anything to be back in that kind of relationship. They're few and far between. If your boyfriend and his fiancé don't have the connection the two of you have then his marriage will be, let's say, less than ideal. No, let's say miserable. I married someone I got along well with. Relationship was good but not like yours. 25 years later...we've both been miserable for almost 10 years...

    Ask him. Ask him now. Is she really the one? His soul mate? Or are you the one? The one he knows he wants and needs to be with? It's a life long commitment. Don't let him make a mistake. You may not be here when he comes looking in 10 years. Make the right decision now for the all right reasons. I was too stupid to make that decision for fear of hurting someone. Now the hurt involves more than one. Talk to him, please. Best of luck to you both.

    • she is out of town. Us hanging out with or without her is normal. Far as I can tell she likes me, I generally like her except for the way she talks and treats him sometimes. He called we talked. He said I love you and I love her but he and I can't not be friends. Said we can never talk about this again but that he keeps thinking about it. I can't be without him. but I can't ask him that either.We agreed it can't happen again, but I think it will. Meeting for coffee tomorrow, just like normal.

    • He's fooling himself. He actually loves you more than her but is afraid to say so. By what you said about his fianc? she will eventually drive him into your arms by degrading him and treating him like dirt. It will take time. But one day, he'll wake up half the man he is today and realize what she's done to him. He'll realize the mistake he made. Love is blind. And stupid.

      Later,if the situation happens, the 2 of you getting intimate, tell him you can't because he's married. See what he says.

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • You are not being true to how you feel. I can feel it in your words. "If I do this I will lose my friend." Is not a new idea. But there is some hope in the back of your heart there. Some part of you wants him. This is a slow-built relationship and you guys talk about everything. Talk this through with him. Ask the hard, uncomfortable questions. When they are married, she will pull him away from you and you will hate her for it. You will also be angry at him for letting her do it.

  • It seems to me he does want more. You both have grown very close to each other and have probably felt this way for some time (hence the jealous). However, he might have dismissed the thought himself for the same reasons you have. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. The last thing you want is him to cheat on his soon to be wife with you, then go home to her. It would kill you inside. His marriage isn't final, so there is still hope. That actually sounds kind of bad for me to say, but it's true. Things like this happen. If he was so sure of his marriage he wouldn't have fooled around with you. So just talk to him, be honest with how you feel and see what he says. Maybe you can have your fairy tail ending.

  • Ask him. Do it before he gets married or you'll look like a trifling home wrecker. If he likes you more he will leave his fiancé for you. If not you two can just stay friends


What Girls Said 0

Be the first girl to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

Recommended myTakes