I experienced toxic heartbreak a year ago, most days now I think I am fine, but still some days I think of him and cry and breakdown, until I'm breathless. I truly loved this person with all I had, unconditionally.
I can't be with him even, he is a horrible person I only found that out in the end. It just kills me I have nothing that says I should be with him, and he smashed my heart mercilessly , manipulated me, lied to me, I could list so much. He broke my heart to dust and I love him still with every grain of it. I get so mad at myself for feeling this way.
I hate the fact that other men wanna date me, but I feel so hollow and numb in my heart :'(.
Like have you been with someone and after a long while, you still breakdown over it from time to time?
Most Helpful Girl
YES. I was with my ex for a little over 6 years. I won't get into the details about why we ended the relationship, but we both were still in love with each other when we broke up. For me personally, I knew that if I didn't start moving on right away- that I never would move on. I was an absolute wreck. Deciding to date again was absolutely heart breaking, and I almost felt like I was disrespecting the wonderful relationship that we had all those years, because I started dating so quickly. But it was just something that I had to do for myself. I tried online dating, with the mindset that I would just go on casual dates with people for the time, nothing to serious. I met a guy, dated him for 4 years, got engaged, and have been married now for about a year and a half.
He actually contacted my friend three days before my wedding, telling me to call him because he really needed to tell me something. I never called him though. I knew that if I did, and he tried talking me into getting back together with him, that I would make the wrong choice, and lose what I did have with my current fiance at the time. Again, I had to make a tough decision that really killed me, but that I knew deep down, was best for me.
I'll admit, I have, and still do miss him a lot. Often, I will hear or see things that remind me of him, and it still hurts a little. Reflecting on our relationship and thinking about our many memories together still hurts, but I think that will never really go away. He was my first love, and he will always, always have a little piece of my heart. As much as I wish I could take back that piece, and be able to give it to my husband so that he has my whole heart, I know that I can't.0