So here's my story. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He confessed last year that he cheated on me with 3 girls. I was going to leave him but he said that it had been so long ago that he would never do it again that he was a different person at that time. I forgave him and things got better in our relationship. He told me he had added those girls on Facebook & I wanted to go check things out which he claimed that he had forgotten his password. I let things go until one day I tried to go on it and I was successful. I looked through his messages and the thing is that he was trying to spit game with every girl he could. He started doing this since our relationship began. I was furious and asked him if he had every flirted with any other girls besides those who he said he slept with. He said no I then showed him the messages and we talked. He said he did not tell me about it because he wanted to leave his past behind that he was a different person now. I have seen him changed but I'm insecure I am not sure whether I could trust him again. We live together and he had been acting amazing. It seems like me finding out took a load off his back. I don't know what to do should I stay or should I go? I'm afraid that he might go behind my back like he did before. For example, he was messaging and texts other girls while being with me and then he would delete me from his face-book or erase the messages so that I wouldn't see him. I don't know it's hard. I've been faithful and to know that he made a joke out of most of our relationship hurts me a lot yet he has matured a lot. Could he really have changed and want a life with me? I asked him why didn't he just break up with me if he wanted to be with someone else or flirt with everyone and he said that because he loved me and that our relationship was very hard. He has also become a lot more religious. Just please let me know what you think I would really appreciate it.
Most Helpful Girl
Some one please ring the bullshit bell.
Now, sweetie, if he loved you he wouldn't have even flirted seriously with other girls. That is the definition of love (in this circumstance). Part of love is respect- a big part. And by cheating on you- not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES he is showing you plain and clear that he does not respect you, or the terms of your relationship. And in a monogamous relationship love means committing yourself emotionally and physically to one person. If he so easily cheated on you, again, THREE TIMES and flirted with a dozen more girls (which is information you had to pull out of him, and he was hiding it, really says something about all that "changing" he did, doesn't it) that doesn't scream love to me.
If I were you, no matter how I felt about him or what he said I'd walk away. There's someone better out there, someone who deserves me. Do people deserve second chances? Can people change? Yes and yes. But it takes a lot of time, work and effort to change and I find that very few people can, and most of those that do, do it for someone else, to prove themselves or win that person back and that's not real change. Real change comes from within, comes from yourself FOR yourself.
If you can't just walk away then tell him you need a break to think things over and to get your head straight, and so does he. Break up- don't talk to him, text him, visit, call, Facebook, email, snail mail- NOTHING. Have no contact with him at all. At the end of the summer meet back up and talk over how things are and where you both stand. See how it goes, see if he really is changed. And if he's saying he has because he wants you and he did it for you then that's not real change, not at all. This is what my boyfriend and I needed to do after a rough two years in a needy, neglectful just awful relationship and we're back together now. We didn't talk for four months, and when we did again for the first time- we had fell out of love. But we were friends, we saw that we were each a whole new person, so we became closer and closer and... happened to end up back together.0