Getting over a feeling of 'abandonment'

with most guys, (aka real men), their need to shield or protect their girl from harm is undeniably innate. They would protect them because they cared.

I recently left and broke up twice with this guy who wouldn't help me when it was his 'duty' to do so.

How do I find someone who is caring enough to care/ protect me from harmsway ? A few guys seem interested and I can't bring myself to trust.

I almost fear that every is going to do the same thing, just leave me when I need the help the most...

advice needed on how to heal because even though I broke it off, I felt like my ex was non existent

and was just there for financial support and when he needed me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The good news is there are plenty of real men out there. The problem is you may not be taking your time or cutting your self short by not finding out how someone is long enough before hooking up with them.

    Looking at your age I am sure you are having issues immaturity with this kids walking around with flat rimmed hats and pants hanging half way down thinking they are bad. Anyone dressed like this is not a "real man" they are poser boys looking ridiculous and talking smack.

    Take your time when on your search for a real man that will respect you and open doors for you. Those are the guys that will protect you be there in times of need and put your needs before his own.

    We are easier to spot than you think. They are the guys that you would normally pass up for thinking as weaker because they are respectful enough to themselves not to waste their time on someone who isn't ready for real.

    Almost like a right of passage. When you are ready your eyes will be open to that sort of man. He may even find you.

    The advice I have for you is to realize (as it sounds like you have) that you deserve better. Take time for yourself and respect yourself enough to take time to really get to know somebody before hooking up. You seek and do not settle for anything less than the man you want. It may take a while a long while or it may be tomorrow. But the timing isn't up to you so chill and prepare yourself for that guy that will be what you desire!...

    Erase your past of those losers, Be grateful to them , that they showed you what you don't want and will not settle for ever again !

    Good luck

    • Thank you much :),

    • I hope so. I suck at flirting to be honest. part of it is my confidence has been affected and so I'm concentrating on work and working out at the gym. hopefully I find someone. I haven't hooked up with my ex, he was catholic

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • You just have to look for the warning signs...if this is a repeating occurrence in your life, you need to look inward to see what in you is attracting you to guys with that personality trait.

    • for sure, I'm seeing a relationship advisor over a few weeks times. ty

  • Maybe you need to stop having these standards & expectations of all this stuff "real men" will do for you. Most guys like to do things for their girls cause we like to see them happy, not because we feel it's our duty. So if you think it's a guys duty to help you, you are very mistaken and that explains why you're having such a hard time finding "real men". It's evidently not the men that are the problem here, it's you.

    Learn to expect less and be more grateful when a guy does things for you, and he'll want to give you the world. Expect it and tell him it's his duty, and he won't want to do anything for you.

    • I haven't told a guy 'it's his duty' but the one big thing I hear about your answer when I read it is, ONE SIDE.

      I don't know what it is but it just sounds childish in a way to point the finger. Before personally attacking me as an individual, if you don't like what you read, you don't have to answer the question

  • He probably still felt something towards you to be in a relationship with you. maybe he did not know how to help you and that is why he didn't. I'm sorry that he was never there when you need him but you were there when he needed you. It just sounds like he did not know what he had. It sounds like you need to let your guard down and give the other guys a chance. Have you guys been broke up for a while?

  • There is often a fine line between a guy helping you, and overdoing it. I don't know if that's the case with you, but just want to point it out. If a guy always steps in for every little thing, then it can be insulting and condescending to the woman. It would be like saying she's incapable of taking care of herself. Knowing when to step in and when to let her take care of herself is not always clear.

    I don't think it's his "duty" to help you unless you can't help yourself. This should be very rare. If you are in as many situations as you imply, then maybe you are in the wrong places, or around the wrong people.

    There are plenty of men who will stick up for you and protect you, when you actually need it. But jumping in for every little thing weakens you and is very disrespectful.

    • you're right. There is one big thing and he didn't do a thing

  • Oh so I didn't know only real men were considered guys. So because I'm only 24, I'm not a real man? Even though I have a dick

    • NO you are not a real man because you are choosing to talk to a lady like this.

    • Show All
    • I didn't know I had to talk to women a certain way? I thought this was a free country...freedom of speech

    • I really want to report your answer because you're not even answering the question. You're asking a question that has no relation to the question. People like you pull down the quality in answers and I don't know why you even bother being a waste of time to everyone else who may have a relationship question adn sincerely want an answer.

What Girls Said 1

  • All you can do is keep trying and take these past experiences as something to learn from. Like yaddayaddayadda was saying, look for the warning signs. Recognize the things that often lead to this kind of situation and next time you meet someone knew make sure they are not like this. Perhaps you should try something outside of your typical "type".

    Lastly its important to never give up, once you do you'll only be setting yourself up for failure. Evaluate what you need in a relationship and make sure that's established early on with him. Don't doubt him before he's done anything wrong because that won't end well either. If these things start to happen with someone new, communicate your problems and try to fix them together. If he's unwilling to try, move on because there will be someone who will give you what you need.

    • Also remember relationships are give and take. Don't settle for anyone who's taking more than they give, no matter what they say actions speak louder. I.e taking your money but being non existent.

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