I have all these unanswered questions is it OK to contact her

Ok so really long story short I'm 21 my ex girlfriend is 19, she broke up with me about a month ago because she said that she just wasn't really feeling it anymore and she didn't give me any other reason besides that. This was the first major relationship either one of us had been in. We dated for 3 years and for her to just end it so quickly just really confused me! I haven't contacted her at all and she hasn't contacted me, but I'm still left with all these questions in my head that are driving me crazy! like was the real reason she broke up with me just because she wasn't feeling it anymore or was there something else? is she really happy with us going our separate ways? Does she plan to get together in the future or are we done for good?

when she broke up with me she did it really fast I just showed up at her place and she met me out by my car and told me it was over, probably only took like 3 minutes. So I just feel like if I could meet up with her one more time and get a little closure it would help me move on. I really don't have any intentions of trying to get back with her the only reason I would be meeting up would be so I could get a better understanding of what happened.

So do you think it would be a good idea for me to call her and ask if we would meet up and talk? and if so where do you think would be a good place to do it? we both live with our parents so I just thought that might be awkward if we went to either one of each others houses, and I thought about going to eat somewhere but I don't know if its a conversations I would want to have in public. I've had a bunch of people tell me not to contact her cause she's the one that broke up with me and I should wait to see if she tries to contact me, but I'm just thinking if its already been a month and she hasn't then its probably not going to happen.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry for your loss, sweetie, but with from experience with even a man in this sort of relationship, that women can be just as unstable emotionally as a man, for that matter. I see it a lot on here myself. With every good apple, there is a bad one, red or green, in the bunch.

    Many of today's guys are sporadic and unpredictable. So it seems with girls as well. With that being said, one doesn't outweigh the other, I suppose.

    You and your girl had a long three year relationship. You didn't mention, during this time, if she was giving off any mixed signals to raise a red flag. You simply said she suddenly broke it off, not feeling it anymore, and obviously, that included YOU, as well.

    If you think back to the moments that led up to this "sudden spurse," I am quite sure, that if you think back to the moments in which may have brought you to the point where she-----met you out by your car, and told you flatly and ----flat out---that it was over, something will raise its own flag with you. To me, it seems pretty harsh coming from someone, in just three minutes flat, to tell another whom she has been with for THREE years, that it is over. She may as well have told you in a nonchalant voice," Turn off the TV, show's over."

    To me, when you said she "did it really FAST," tells me that she probably had someone else in the "background," let's say, someone she has probably been seeing during your relationship, deciding in the end to call it quits.

    With quickly just pushing off this button that she so deliberately wanted to do, she just wanted to do it without: Explanation, didn't want to "see you cry," hear any more about it, and blah, blah, blah. End of discussion. She was also probably guilt ridden as to WHY she was breaking off with you, and for all you know, her new beau may very well have been sitting in her family's living room sipping a soda. Think of a similar movie, sweetie. Happens all the time.

    She became this snake charmer, and now you see what's inside her skin.

    Of course, for some closure, you could contact her and meet her in a cafe for a cup of Cappuccino, just to "meet up and talk." I don't see a problem with it. Find out what you can, or even if you CAN, get her to meet up at all. It's been a whole month, so let's be fair, and say, with or without a newbie, she has had some time to think things out. Give it a whirl. All she can say at that point is either 'yes or no,' and make it either under three minutes or---over this time.

    The way I see it, you are telling yourself you just more or less want a closure, but if I know a heartbroken, determined man, he has other ideas, if even given "one last time."

    If you haven't heard anything in a month, I do believe in my own heart, she has moved on to something or yes---possibly someone else---and has no plans, at least right now, in reconciling with you. But who knows what the future could bring again? But ask yourself: Could you ever really trust her again?xx

    • looking back now I can definitely tell that the last 2 months before she broke up with me she just seemed more distant and uninterested in our relationship, every time I asked her what was wrong she would just brush it off or give me an indirect answer. And yeah id be lying to you if I said that a part of me still doesn't want to be with her but like you said I don't know if I would be able to trust her, and there wouldn't really be any point of trying to get with someone who doesn't want me too

    • Yes, definite signs she was looking for an out. How sad to have everything with someone one minute, and the next, it's like they shut down and---you out---pretending like it doesn't matter to them anymore. My opinion, is when she met you at the car, and gave you this "three minute speech," that, for me, for even the cold, hearted way it was done, would have been just one more sign that it was over...and that, in itself, as well, would have been my closure.

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What Girls Said 3

  • So far, Just reading the first paragraph, I related with this woman/your ex. I may not be her, but I know that when I'm dating someone and we do the same type of dates and conversations all the time, I get bored, I want excitement, and if I don't I lose interest.

    That could be one of the reasons, and/or she met someone else who makes her feel special that she can't pull her eyes away from.

    I know both those things are most likely the LAST things you wanted to be told but hey, you're looking for real truthful advice right?

    As for contacting her.. if she's anything like me, just let her be. Because I know once I lose interest in someone, it doesn't help either of us to keep contacting me, because I end up getting annoyed and lose interest in them even MORE.

    My advice, move on and live your life. People come and go. You say this relationship was the 1st real relationship for both you and her. As much as some wish, not every first is gonna be your last. But there's always something/someone new waiting for you just around the corner.

  • Sometimes you may never get that closure :/ My boyfriend and I just brokeup recently and I'm not sure if his reasons were true or not. I think if you have questions, you should try to call her. If she doesn't answer, the only thing you can do is to try to keep yourself busy.

  • thats all you can do and if you were with her that long you DESERVE an answer, especially to heal. But if don't go into it thinking you are going to change her mind. Don't hound her and say why did you do this to me or us, just tell her you need to know for closure, and accept the reason for what it is.


What Guys Said 2

  • Send her an e-mail instead. If you meet up with her, it's going to get emotional and messy really quick. If she refuses to answer, then you know that she either found someone else, or it was you.

  • This is one of those things that sound good on paper, but rarely work out well. She told you that she wasn't feeling it anymore..isn't that all you need? If she tells you more -would it actually help you get over the relationship and move on? What if she says "well, I really just met someone else who I liked better, and used that as an excuse" - would that make you feel better?

    You got your closure, the relationship is over. As you said, she's not contacted you in a month, she's not really that eager to converse with you.


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