Should I take my abusive alchoolic ex boyfriend back after one year of treatment

okay I broke up with my boyfriend of four years yesterday because of his alcohol addiction and his abusive tendencies. he has been crying to me on the phone saying he will do a year of treatment and will then never touch alcohol or hit me ever again. the treatment place he is going to is a one year facility and it is one of the best for addiction counseling. he had reasons that he said he drank so much. Because he didn't have a childhood due to aspergers and isolation and bullying he never got to party or drink or have sex. he first got drunk at 21. I met him at 22 I was 20. I took his virginity and I made him sexually active I invited him to college parties with me bought him a car let him move in with me. I did everything for this man and the first year was amazing he loved me so much he would worship the ground I walked walked on. he would kiss me and call me beautiful 100 times a day. he said he loves me so much. and told me he wanted to marry me. then at 23 he cheated on me. he had a three way with two prostitutes. at first I let it slide thinking he just wants to get all the casual sex out of his system. and then he cheated on me again and again and again with over 100 different women. at 23 he started binge drinking each night. Right after I would go to bed he would blackout drunk on hard liquor. and each day the drinking would be more and more and more. he started yelling at me and calling me names. one time I was eating some chips I am very healthy and this was just a treat and he said put it away you ugly fat cunt. then it was a routine with him blackout drunk each night and call me the most horrible names imaginable and only use me for sex. his nickname for me used to be beautiful and then it became cunt. he would hit me a lot not everyday but a lot. I was so scarred he would kill me at times with the way he would yell and threaten me and hit me. I had to buy him alcohol everyday after work and if I didn't get the right brand he would yell at me and make me go back. honestly within the last three years I honestly don't remember what it was like to see him sober and caring. I haven't been called beautiful cuddled or said I love you to in three years. he is now crying saying I will go to treatment and be sober for the rest of my life. part of me still loves him and the other part is so hurt. what should I do should I believe that he will change and forgive him what should I do please help me.
Updates:
this was meant to be in the realtionship category my bad could you please just answer


0|0
48

Most Helpful Guy

  • I was with the same female for quite a few years. I was not a lush or strung out when we met, nor was I a virgin in any sense. As I spiraled out of control using drugs (meth, crack, coke, weed) as well as alcohol, I became a different person. Physically, mentally and socially. I was mean, rude and down right an as$hole. We did not split up before or durring my road to recovery. I could have blamed my usage on being sexually abused for a decade, being raped (sodomized) when I was 8 as well as forced oral. I could blame it on being adopted and feeling abandoned by my biological parents. Bullying for being overweight. The list goes on. What it comes down to is that it is my fault that I used and or abused the abve listed substances. No one made me try them or use them on a daily basis. It took about a year and a half of treatment and finding the real me under all the pain and self hate. After I came home we found that we really HATED one another. Things that I liked or thought I liked were in fact not anything that I liked. Even though I said that I would never use again or raise my voice, it did not last long. The first real fight/argument that we had I was off looking to have that freight train going through my head again - I wanted to be comfortably numb. This led to me going on a two week binge, a heart attack from the drugs (free basing cocaine) and ending up serving a year in prison. If he has already cheated on you or treated you like shit, then trust me - it won't change. Do you want to be used and/or abused or loved and appreciated? A lot of things can happen or change in a year. If something does happen or change and he is in a year lock down program and you are leading him on then it's not going to help him or you in the long run... I wish you the best of luck. I also agree with summiter, you do deserve better.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • Wow, that's a rough story--I'm sorry you had to go through that. Despite whatever feelings you may have for him, my advice is to say to him "We'll see what happens after a year." Not saying it in a negative way, but a somewhat hopeful way. The important thing is that he gets treatment. Right now he probably thinks he needs to get treatment to get you back--if that's what it takes to get him in rehab, so be it. If he really stays there for a year he will have to realize that you can't get (and stay) sober for someone else. You have to do it for yourself...

    Hopefully he will realize that and come out of rehab a changed person. But your feelings for him may change in a year as well. If they don't, and you still love him, you may feel that you want to give him another chance. However, he may have to live in a supportive environment for a while, and they may encourage him to get his life together by himself for a time before going back to a relationship. In any case, if you do give him another chance it has to be once and done--any relapse and that's the end. I know people are saying "move on" and that's how I would feel myself, but none of us are in love with him. In some ways the relationship may be "tainted" by everything that has happened, and in some sense you both might be better off in new relationships without all the baggage. However, sometimes love is too strong to be put aside...

    I would advise you to seek some treatment for yourself over the next year. If not actually seeing a therapist, then Al-Anon or a similar program. That will help you deal with what has happened, and will give you some perspective that will help you decide what to do in a year. Good luck...

    0|0
    0|0
  • NOPE. PERIOD.

    That's great he had treatment. This sort of thing is a long road, and is often never fully complete. He may be some better, but it won't be good enough. Also, getting back into relationship with you will re-awaken old patterns for him.

    Do both of you a favor and move on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The three things in that title alone should tell you everything you need to know.

    Abusive.

    Alcoholic.

    Ex boyfriend.

    He was abusive, and that isn't typically something that changes. It's not likely he changed since then, and not likely he ever will.

    He's an alcoholic. This means he's an addict. This will be a lifetime problem. He can fall off from time to time. Chances he will.

    He's your ex boyfriend for a reason. You know what he was like. The relationship is over. Run, and never look back. Consider yourself lucky.

    You can do better. You should do better. You owe yourself better. Go do better.

    1|1
    0|0
  • You deserve better...move on. He had sex with 100 different women? You don't want what he has..

    0|1
    0|0
  • How can I say this nicely? Are you nuts? No don't take him back, Why do women always do this? They always give the jerks, drunks, and druggies chances over the nice non drinking, non druggies jerks.

    0|0
    0|0
  • RUN AWAY. run as far as you can. Get a restraining order too!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wow, you put up with a lot of shit. He should get treatments because he should want to be a better human being. But he should do it whether or not you want to be with him during or afterward. Make no promises at all, support him if you really care for him, but it that's the case, you tell him if he ever disrespects you again, verbally or physically, he won't even have you as a friend. Honestly, he doesn't even deserve that, he deserves you to turn your back, walk away, and never look back. That is another thing that he needs to understand. You owe him nothing.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • Don't make a decision until he has done the one year of treatment, then has lived in the "real world" for a significant amount of time (maybe another year or more) because you don't know how well he is going to go in treatment and how well he will do when he gets out. He might do well in treatment because there will be no alcohol available to him, but once he gets out into the real world with the temptations of alcohol, he might go back to his old ways.

    You can't make this decision now, before he goes into treatment because you don't know how it is going to work out. I also don't recommend getting back together with him straight after he comes out because treatment and real world are very different things. Give him at least a year or two after treatment, to do it on his own and resist temptation before even making a decision like this.

    You can't possibly make that decision now and if he is saying that he will only go to treatment if you get back together with him after, then just say no. As much as he may want to do this for you and to save your relationship, he really needs to do it for himself and get his own life in order before even thinking about having a relationship with anyone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ...ARE YOU INSANE!? Forgive me for being harsh and There's a phrase in Spanish, "One who treats you like shit, will always go back to his or her habit, and if you dare go back, you'll end up dead" yeah in Spanish its harsher and bone chilling and sorry for the horrible translation but the point is, no you do not go back to that...that...person...i've seen it before, other girls I growing up with, with boyfriends like yours, I never hear from again and if I do, well its NEVER EVER a good thing. My mother and other women who had experienced or seen this, all tell me the same, "they (not just guys, also girls) will always ask forgiveness and a second chance, as humans we make mistakes and deserve another chance but people like this (like your ex and others like him) they know they can manipulate you, they know you are easy". For your sake and dignity, forgive him BUT DO NOT GO BACK! Forgiveness is a virtue but DO NOT GO BACK, you not only deserve better, you deserve the best Now IF he truly changes and he truly loves you, he will stay away and let time fix himself, get help, remolding to become a better person. As for you sweetheart, for the sake of our female gender kind, you too, go seek help, self esteem needs a better and bigger boost. He can come with flowers or other materialistic offerings, even with sugar coating words as a sign of "forgiveness" but never be fooled with such things.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes, men cry and use the emotional card to make you stay. Was he thinking of you as he slept his way through a hundred women. No. Aspergers is no excuse. Excuses excuses excuses. Most men won't change. You deserve better.

    0|0
    0|0
  • hell no, he will not change. abusers WILL cry and plead and say theyll never do it again to manipulate their victim into forgiving and going back to them he won't get the treatment if you go back to him. make him to to the facility and stay there then move on and cut him out your life.

    i have aspergers syndrome and I never got to do those things either as a teen but you don't see me blaming boyfriends and hitting or verbally abusing them or drinking myself into a coma. he just used it as a sympathy excuse so you don't look at him as just a nasty git

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...