okay I broke up with my boyfriend of four years yesterday because of his alcohol addiction and his abusive tendencies. he has been crying to me on the phone saying he will do a year of treatment and will then never touch alcohol or hit me ever again. the treatment place he is going to is a one year facility and it is one of the best for addiction counseling. he had reasons that he said he drank so much. Because he didn't have a childhood due to aspergers and isolation and bullying he never got to party or drink or have sex. he first got drunk at 21. I met him at 22 I was 20. I took his virginity and I made him sexually active I invited him to college parties with me bought him a car let him move in with me. I did everything for this man and the first year was amazing he loved me so much he would worship the ground I walked walked on. he would kiss me and call me beautiful 100 times a day. he said he loves me so much. and told me he wanted to marry me. then at 23 he cheated on me. he had a three way with two prostitutes. at first I let it slide thinking he just wants to get all the casual sex out of his system. and then he cheated on me again and again and again with over 100 different women. at 23 he started binge drinking each night. Right after I would go to bed he would blackout drunk on hard liquor. and each day the drinking would be more and more and more. he started yelling at me and calling me names. one time I was eating some chips I am very healthy and this was just a treat and he said put it away you ugly fat cunt. then it was a routine with him blackout drunk each night and call me the most horrible names imaginable and only use me for sex. his nickname for me used to be beautiful and then it became cunt. he would hit me a lot not everyday but a lot. I was so scarred he would kill me at times with the way he would yell and threaten me and hit me. I had to buy him alcohol everyday after work and if I didn't get the right brand he would yell at me and make me go back. honestly within the last three years I honestly don't remember what it was like to see him sober and caring. I haven't been called beautiful cuddled or said I love you to in three years. he is now crying saying I will go to treatment and be sober for the rest of my life. part of me still loves him and the other part is so hurt. what should I do should I believe that he will change and forgive him what should I do please help me.
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I was with the same female for quite a few years. I was not a lush or strung out when we met, nor was I a virgin in any sense. As I spiraled out of control using drugs (meth, crack, coke, weed) as well as alcohol, I became a different person. Physically, mentally and socially. I was mean, rude and down right an as$hole. We did not split up before or durring my road to recovery. I could have blamed my usage on being sexually abused for a decade, being raped (sodomized) when I was 8 as well as forced oral. I could blame it on being adopted and feeling abandoned by my biological parents. Bullying for being overweight. The list goes on. What it comes down to is that it is my fault that I used and or abused the abve listed substances. No one made me try them or use them on a daily basis. It took about a year and a half of treatment and finding the real me under all the pain and self hate. After I came home we found that we really HATED one another. Things that I liked or thought I liked were in fact not anything that I liked. Even though I said that I would never use again or raise my voice, it did not last long. The first real fight/argument that we had I was off looking to have that freight train going through my head again - I wanted to be comfortably numb. This led to me going on a two week binge, a heart attack from the drugs (free basing cocaine) and ending up serving a year in prison. If he has already cheated on you or treated you like shit, then trust me - it won't change. Do you want to be used and/or abused or loved and appreciated? A lot of things can happen or change in a year. If something does happen or change and he is in a year lock down program and you are leading him on then it's not going to help him or you in the long run... I wish you the best of luck. I also agree with summiter, you do deserve better.0