Is staying away from the ex the best way to get over her?

I have had girlfriends before, but I have been lucky that none were really in my close circle.

I took a chance and dated someone from my circle last year. We dated for almost a year and then she broke up with me.

It's hard for me to get over it because we have friends in common and there are functions where there is a chance of running into her.

I am seriously considering leaving this group/circle for my own sanity.

Some would say this is a defeat, and I am letting her win. However, isn't my sanity and heart more important.

It sucks that I would lose some friends and access to some events in the process.

Any thoughts?



Most Helpful Girl

  • don't over think it. I guess it's easier said than done. I'm guilty as well of beating myself up after a break up. um...I have retained most of my friends and they're people who are professionals or I went to school with..

    My ex did clean house and is only in his small pocket of friends.

    and I feel there is no set rules.

    honestly do what's healthy for yourself.

    I cut some of his 'friends' because they started demeaning me. In the end, doesn't matter if they're her or yours, if they are good people and shut up about drama, it's fine.

    my personal rule is, drama free friends only

    I am avoiding mine. nothing wrong with that


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What Girls Said 3

  • Yes your sanity is what is important right now.Once you have regrouped and moved on, then you can revisit the option of the groups of friends. We all heal differently, and time is the best healing factor. Heal yourself and once your dating someone new etc, you will feel confident in revisiting the group! Keep in touch with the friends however tell them you are busy with work etc and keep contact via text-phone.

    • Thanks. It's kind of sad that I have to rely on a new girlfriend before I can feel comfortable enough to go out again where my ex will be. However, I know that my ex is the type who can't wait to throw a new guy in my face. At least if I am with someone I really care about, it won't bother me as much, or at all.

    • Well it doesn't have to be a new girlfriend-it just has to be that you have healed. Someone once told me the best motto: Don't be sad about a goodbye, as that opens the door for a better HELLO.

      I swear I have to repeat that to myself, as the person just wasn't in the plan for the future. If she is that type that is horrible to show off a new guy..why because then she doesn't care or never did care about your feelings! So be glad she's not in your life.

    • Thanks...I will try to look at things that way.

  • Staying away from her is the right decision.

    • Thanks...I think you are right.

    • So just try to stay away from her because if you see her then you will automatically think about her so I wish you goooood luck :p

  • Probably a good idea.


What Guys Said 3

  • Yes, you will loose some friends , that is why dating in the friends of friends is psychotic and fake anyway . You will be seeing her with her " New Guy " soon so its time to branch out.

    • That is sad, but true. Well, I did not want to run away after the breakup, so I did stay somewhat within the circle. I avoided her where I could, but did run into her here and there. These meetings were always awkward, but at least I didn't see her with a guy. However, I do not want to push my luck, so I feel like I have to ease out of the circle at some point, or else I will see something that will feel like a kick in the balls.

    • Show All
    • Easy for them to say "Man Up "when they are not in the same position as you . To awkward and there are better things to do.

    • exactly!

  • Tough to say I guess it could work but there's always that thought of you thinking about her? Try to keep yourself occupied by doing things like painting, drawing etc.

  • It's like I'm reading my story ... the last time we saw eachother when it became clear that it's the end of us it didn't go that well: lots of unsaid things, there was no closure at all for neither of us and yet part of the same group ... somehow... because I was avoiding her.

    i was always asking who's coming before deciding if I want to go out with the group, because I simply couldn't stand her presence at that time... BUT then I realized the group would always remind me of her so I slowly started to drift away.

    It's better because I realized it fucked me up so bad that I became afraid of seeing her... Cut out everyone that had anything to do with her and I'm actually pretty OK. It's been about 3 months since I started to decline the hang outs... and it's been about 3 weeks since a guy that I was really close to in that group last called me. I already told him why I'm not gonna speak with him anymore but he said I'll get over it without leaving the group. I guess he gave up...

    What I'm thinking is... because she stayed in the group and I used to go everywhere with them, would she be reminded of me while out with the group OR not. Because I want her to feel feel the pain I did.

    • Sorry to hear of your story. But, yes, it does ring a bell on more than one level. It's been a year, and I am still concerned about running into her, especially if she is with a dude. I think my friends know if she someone, but they are sparing heartache by not telling me (and I dare not to ask). The group is making it hard to move on like I should be, and how I have in the past with other exes. I hate to leave friends, but do I have to worry about running into her forever?

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