I need some insight into why my ex boyfriend said what he did?

so me and boyfriend recently broke up, a month or 2 ago, one of the hurtful things he said to me over the phone is 'at one point, I did want to get married'

that was pretty hurtful.

less than a year ago I was the one to break off engagement because his family became stifling (demanding some personal information from me) and at that time, boyfriend and I had a discussion. I stated I saw flaws and if we don't work it out, I don't believe it will last.

I was right. He didn't bother much with the solution or plan we had. He just didn't want to acknowledge the issue.

After he said that, he said something along the lines 'I don't want to hurt you' and I responded that I've been hurting for quite some time (because he refused or ignored the problems in our relationship)

how do you guys get over what is said in a post break up situation? obviously I'm still healing. It's tough since I was with him for some time and then he goes from 'i want to marry you' to 'I want to see other people' basically.

subconsciously I have sensed this and the last month was worst, I just didn't think I loved him because doesn't seem he cared and started talking to other guys.

but I find him and his friends especially put me down a lot at the end although I did not say anything to his friends at all. he turned into a complete opposite of what he showed me.
please note I will report your answer if you're going to be rude. it's better to not answer if you have nothing to say. I'm trying to work over the end of my relationship, I'm not perfect however, I am not asking to be psychologically damaged by your answers. I'm actually sincerely hoping that someone has advice. If not, then don't answer


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have often found people don't really answer questions on here. Some of the guys on here have a genuine hatred towards women and women towards men, so no matter what the situation was some men on here will answer with a negative response. Don't take it too personally.

    Take a step back from it all and take a deep breath. He asked you to marry him and you felt deep inside that this was not right for you. I know you say it was down to his family and some of the things they said, but lets be honest. When you marry a guy, you are also marrying their family. If your boyfriend didn't defend you against them now, imagine what it would be like later on.

    I think this guy just was not right for you. If he did not want to talk openly about an issue, the lack of communication will only get worse.

    I'm not going to lie to you either and say you will get over the hurtful things he said or the break up right away, because you won't. No matter how many issues you had, you still had a relationship with him. You will even go through the phase where you fantasise the relationship, where you make it seem better than it was.

    I realized the hard way, that your feelings are the only thing that matter. If this guy wasn't making you feel good, or was making you feel worse than when you were single then he is NOT the guy for you.

    The only advice I can give you is to move on, stand your ground and yes whilst he may bad mouth you like my ex did, there is a reason you are leaving this guy. Throw all your efforts in work or something else and find the life you had when you were single. Any issues he had with you he will have in the next relationship and if he isn't willing to work on them, I can bet you anything he will have another broken relationship.

    Keep moving on and don't waste time. You will find someone that actually appreciates you. :)

    • his over weight future sister in laws and their bf's both harrassed me, at work and on Facebook (have a copy) and camera evidence.

      obviously he's just a door mat, who can't do a single thing but this---- let his girlfriend get hurt.

      obviously our ex's don't deserve us

    • Absolutely, it sounds like you had a lucky escape. I would keep that evidence, and whenever you start to regret breaking up with him, just look at those and remind yourself why. Life is far too short to waste it on someone that doesn't want to love you completely. Good luck and thanks for best answer.

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What Guys Said 2

  • People do a lot of hateful things when they are hurting inside. It just comes with the ugly side of human behavior. Take some of what they said and analyze whether you are displaying some of those behaviors and modify them. Know that both of you made mistakes and neither of you are perfect.

    • first off, thanks for not name calling me, like the other user just did. um...I honestly have not called him names or his friends. My mistake is not realizing his friends are jerks and he's easily influenced

    • As long as you learn from it, it will be good in the end.

  • You don't think you loved him, YOU were the one to break off the engagement, and you're surprised that he wanted to get married?

    Sounds like you weren't paying attention when he proposed or something. And you have difficulty putting one and one together now, and coming up with 2.

    • it's complicated because there were some nasty things his family called me and my feelings for him, fell at that point. sorry I didn't fill that in.

      we initally were really into each other and I liked him a lot. I said yes to the proposal, but it was way too soon like 8 months into our time together. and understand this is 3 years of things that I haven't filled every detail on.

      but---- I don't think you really answered the question

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