What is your definition of cheating?

What do you consider cheating... everyone has a different opinion of cheating.

Now, do you think there is a such thing as EMOTIONAL cheating?

Some people think flirting isn't cheating... Some people think watching p*rn is cheating.. Some people think spending time with the opposite sex without telling your s/o is cheating.

What's your view?

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109

Most Helpful Guy

  • Definition varies from person to person. Here's mine that I can think of so far:

    No intercourse, no foreplay, no kissing, no holding hands, no playful touching, no flirting, no pet names like "babe", no emotional confiding in a person of interest or ex MORE than me.

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    Any female with emotional maturity and the ability to be monogamous won't find these requirements (Yes I said requirements) difficult to abide to in the slightest.

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    • BTW all the above applies for my significant others' behavior towards BOTH genders, so if she was doing the above with another female, it's cheating.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • Here's what I think (it'll take me a bit to get there):

    We do not "share the same love" with our partners.

    It's a romantic thing to say, but really, my love for my partner and my partner's love for me are two different things.

    So if my partner were to "cheat" on me, she would not be betraying my love for her. My love for her is distinct from whether she cheats on me or not.

    The hurt I would feel would come from feeling that her love for me was not as strong as my love for her. The hurt would be a sense of loss - the loss of the reality I thought I was living in.

    So I believe that she cannot "cheat" on me. For her to cheat on me would imply that she has betrayed me in some way.

    The problem with that is this: my partner doesn't owe me anything. She is with me because she wants to be. I'm with her because I want to be.

    Would I feel hurt if she decided to leave? Absolutely!

    But I wouldn't be "cheated on." She would have followed her heart, and I wouldn't wish her to do anything else.

    My definition of cheating is to not follow your own heart. Cheating is only something you can do to yourself - you can't do it to someone else in a relationship.

    By my definition, you can "cheat" by denying your own feelings and staying in a relationship where you don't feel love for your partner.

    My partner might save me considerable pain by choosing to "cheat" and not follow her own heart; but I love her, and don't want her in my life, feeling pain herself just in order to avoid causing me pain.

    That, to me, is what love means.

    Oh, and the whole notion of "would you tell your partner about it?" is a great test, in general for a lot of things. But we are all individuals, even still when we are in a committed relationship, and there are lots of things about my life that are mine alone. There are lots of things about her life that are hers alone. In the end, for myself, the equivalent of what people mean when they say "cheating" is to not hold her in my heart, as the one partner I choose over anyone and everything else.

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    • well she does owe you something. she made a commitment to you and by doing something with another guy without changing your commitment, she would 100% be betraying you. if she cheated and broke your trust, that's not a decision that affects her alone. if she has sex with 50 other people besides you while pretending to be in a monogamous relationship, that is unacceptable, despite being her choice.

    • wtf?!?! I just typed up a long comment. Now it's gone?! I hate it when this happens...

    • Trying this comment again. Let me clarify: I would be hurt. I might divorce her (depending on what happened). I would be hurt because I've lost our partnership. Infidelity is just the act that reveals this. She does not owe me. And above that, I cannot expect her to give something she does not have, including love. Monogamy for us is a side-effect of love. Otherwise it's meaningless. Love is felt, or not. I can't require it. So she can't "cheat" on me.

  • Anything you wouldn't do with another person in front of your partner is likely cheating.

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    • Expand that to include anything that would hurt you if you knew your partner was doing it with someone else.

  • The best way to determine if what you are doing is wrong is to ask yourself a few questions before doing anything.
    1. Would my partner feel disrespected, betrayed, or upset if I say this, share this, or do this?
    2. Am I or do I feel I have to hide this from my significant other?
    3. How would I feel if my significant other shared this, did this, or said this to someone else?
    If you answered yes or maybe to any portion of any of these questions then what you’re doing, done, or might do is probably wrong.
    Answering yes to any of these questions in some relationships might be perfectly acceptable, however to be absolutely sure, boundaries should be set in your relationship.

    If your conversations with someone else are every day, frequent, and mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a significant other then you are likely starting to or having an emotional affair.

    Any conversation/flirting that goes beyond that of a single non sexual appropriate compliment or conversation that you would otherwise probably not have in front of your significant other is not okay. The same would go if you did it in front of your significant other as this could be highly disrespectful to them. As far as porn, I would have to consider the boundaries set in your relationship would be all that matters in that aspect. I don't think watching porn is cheating, but would think that you should consider your partners feelings on the matter.

    I hope this helps...

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  • Anything that you wouldn't do if your partner was there watching, or that you knew would hurt them (or hurt you if the situation was reversed) is cheating. And what exactly that is is going to vary somewhat from person to person. You listed a bunch of different things that some people consider to be cheating, and others don't, and that's because different people draw the line in different places. Cheating is crossing that line, wherever it happens to be for your partner.

    You should know where your partner draws that line, and they should know where you draw yours; if not, then your relationship isn't healthy because you aren't communicating well enough.

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  • I think the term cheating should be abolished altogether, because it's understood now as some objective line between what's excusable and what isn't. At the end of the day, you shouldn't do anything that would hurt the person you're with; that's a strong motivation you should naturally have when in a relationship.

    But on another note I think checking out, fantasizing, flirting, p*rn and sex are cheating. That's what makes the most sense, because it diverts your emotional and sexual attention from the person you're with. If that attention were focused entirely on your partner, then it's inherent that the relationship would be better off. If you choose to hurt your relationship, even in a way you might consider small, that's cheating to me.

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  • Having a romantic relation with somebody else.

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  • cheating is being with someone else (can be with both genders) and making out or have sex or offering sex etc when you already have someone without their knowledge or permission

    whats NOT cheating is looking at p*rn, looking at another, and/or shaking hands or hugging and kiss on the cheek, or something along the lines as to being polite like holding a door open etc. or talking to someone in a civilized manner, (read carfully on this next one) have sex etc. and/or date another person with permission from one who your already with

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  • Having sex is cheating.

    We have perfectly good words to describe any other activity which involves going behind your partners back to do something dodgy with another person.

    IMO, kids today are too eager to classify anything as cheating, just so they can use the word and have a bit of drama in their young lives. What's next? We'll let teenagers who are breaking up call it a divorce?

    Emotional cheating... jesus tapdancing christ...

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What Girls Said 10

  • I am very strong on what I believe is cheating and what is not. Flirting, looking and p*rn is not p*rn! Neither is your boyfriend hanging out with other girls. Him not telling you about it is shady and untrustworthy but is not cheating. I am very strong on that one because my best friend (guy) dated a girl that hated me and because his parents love me and I know everything about him oh and I had no idea where she worked and I ran into her there and I had no idea who she was. But she freaked out everytime we hung out I pocket dialed him once and she freaked out. So I was willing to reduce the seeing him once every two months to not hanging out as long as I could see his parents. I hated that I live far away he is my best friend and she couldn't let that go so I could see why not all guys tell girls like that.

    Cheating is when you kiss (unless it's one of those hey kisses) or anything sexual with a person cuddling and yes there is emotional cheating but that's so hard to pick at. Basically if feel like your doing something wrong you are or if the situation was reversed how you would feel

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  • I simply use my conscience.When my conscience says it's cheating,then it is cheating and I will feel my conscience pricking me and preventing me from hurting others.Come on,we all have a conscience,right?Haha.Nobody in this world has the same conscience and so our definitions of cheating are all different.Haha.

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  • Basically anything overly physical is not allowed. Hugging is okay, though. It's not okay to be all lovey-dovey with someone else either, since I would consider that emotional cheating.

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  • If you either have to lie or conceal what you're doing or thinking, it's cheating. Whether it's p*rn, internet "friend" or whatever.

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  • If you are in a relationship and you have feelings for someone else it isn't cheating but acting on those feelings would probably be seen as cheating.

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  • A committed partner engaging in sexual acts with another person who is not their partner or spouse.

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  • If you're trying to hide something, you're cheating.

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  • To me cheating is when there's a deliberate, intentional and consensual wish of having a relationship when already in one.

    Like : kissing someone in a game (like one gag user asked) is not considered cheating.

    Going multiple times to a café with another girl/guy, to the movie, hanging around... with tacite intentions and feelings involved on both sides : I consider it cheating. Even if sex hasn't happened.

    If one person has feelings for somebody else while in a relationship isn't considered cheating, but it can lead to. If it would ever happen to me, if my s.o was having feelings for someone else and I knew about it, I would rather let my s.o leave because it's not fair to both of us.

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  • It's when you have to lie about it.

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  • any interaction with another person, whether live, by phone, or by internet, in which your SO reasonably would not be comfortable with, of a romantic and/or sexual nature

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