What is a good, non-jerk way to stop talking to this girl since she has a boyfriend now?

I thought I could be friends with her, but I can't. I asked her out a long time ago and made things uncomfortable, until we finally worked things out.

Ever since then, she has been "wary" of things I do. At first it was uncomfortable but little by little it got better, but I knew it was still on her head.

So when I find out she had a boyfriend, I told her I was very happy for her and that, maybe now that she is attached, she could drop her defense and that nagging feeling in the back of her mind and we could be friends, like she is with other guys and is nice, relaxed and approachable instead of sarcastic, teasing and "on defense" like she is with me, but she said that the feeling was still on her head. So now its even worse, when she was single and had that feeling, I could let it go because a) she was single and b) I wasn't trying anything. Now, since she can't let it go, it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like she thinks I'm trying to make a move even though she has a bf.

She has been super nice to me and we get along awesomely (even though we rely on sarcasm and teasing remarks) but I feel I need to do this for my own peace of mind. What can I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • What do you mean you are not trying anything? Of course you are. And it's okay, thing is, you made your move, she said no. Now, either you accept she doesn't have that kind of feelings for you and you can be friends, or it's too uncomfortable for you cause you still have feelings and you need to put some distance. Either the distance will make her realize that maybe, and it's a big maybe, she could picture you differently. Or it will just help you to move on and open up to someone new;

    • I'm not trying anything! I asked her out about a year ago and yes, I admit that may be clouding her judgement, but I have female friends with boyfriends or husbands and we hang out, grab lunch with other friends and me and other male friends able to talk and joke with them without them thinking we are hitting on them, because they are attached. She talks and jokes with other guys without getting all awkward, its like I'm being punished for opening my mouth...

    • Show All
    • Its just so difficult. If I talk to her, then she gets that "nagging" feeling. If I dont, then I'm being a jerk. We have had SO many arguments over this very thing and its has been so long it has never been settled. I thought that after our last fight/ignoring each other for months, we could start a new page, but obviously she cannot let it go. But I would much rather be a jerk to her than coming off the way she pictures me. At least as a jerk I do not have to watch what I say AND she doesn't care

    • You're not a jerk, you're just in a shitty situation. You don't need to push her away completely, just don't see her alone and too often. Obviously she likes you as a friend, otherwise she wouldn't even argue with you. Spend more time with your other friends, put some distance in subtle way, I'm sure you can do it. There's no need for a big talk. Just act like you're busy with other stuff in your life. Fake it if needed be till you actually start having something or someone else to care about

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • She may be afraid of hey boyfriend being jealous. So she's tense because she wants to hang out with you but doesn't want any drama, but if you want to stop talking to her just keep your distance.


What Guys Said 1

  • Stop talking to her much. Fade away.

    • Thats what I'm think but she knows me and she KNOWS when something is bugging me. I'm just afraid that if she asks, and I tell her, she may think I'm childish. If that was the case, would it be a good idea to be straight up and tell her what is going on?

    • Oh yeah, and we see each other regularly at school, which makes running into her very common

    • Try to genuinely fill your life with other things and people.

      Then you will genuinely be to busy to talk to her much.