I'm the "other woman" now what?

So I met this guy at a hotel room party and we were hanging out he's 28 and I'm 20, and downstairs in the building was a rave going on, we were talking for a bit getting to know each other a little, he's from a different state than I am but he's only one and a half hours away, and we're having a few drinks and stuff and I was drunk enough but still aware, of my surroundings and we went downstairs to the rave after talking for what seemed like 2 hours, and had a few more drinks to where I was boarder line drunk he was too. So we go to the rave and we're dancing grinding on each other and he's kissing my shoulders (these are from pics I found later from a photographer who was there) and we walked out to talk to some more and then we got all touchy with each other and started kissing/made out. (I'm enjoying my single life so I didn't care he was cute) I'm not big on social networking sites so he asked for my number and we've been talking everyday since for about 6 months, every day he would say "Good Morning Beautiful" or other cutesy names and finally one day he admitted he likes me, I didn't give him a full answer back, I just like being single. He's been trying to find a way to come up and see me again, but my work schedule is too busy for me to properly hang out with him. So I saw him again at another hotel party/rave thing and we found each other and the moment he saw me he kissed me, and said I've missed you so much, so we started grinding on each other again, and then we went up to the hotel room had a few drinks got drunk again and we had sex this time. We leave before anyone comes back up and I got to meet some of his friends since we were in his state this time, and they were like she's a "cutie". So I hung out with them for a bit while stumbling around the building. After the weekend I made a Facebook and added him on there. Only to see he has a girlfriend he's been with for 3 years. I felt so awful after seeing that his girlfriend is 34 and his girlfriend is hot. So I asked him wtf, he explained to him, how can you do this to her? She's beautiful, he's like " well she decided through the rest of our relationship we shouldn't have sex anymore, besides she's not everything she looks and turns out to be and she's not a people person and doesn't like to have fun anymore." At this point I'm livid because I'd hate to be put in that situation especially for her and I don't know her. From the looks of her profile she really cares about him and looks happy to be with her. I asked him since you've been together so long are you going to marry her? He said "Of course not." I didn't talk to him for like 2 days because I could only imagine how she would feel about this. He still likes me and insists on asking me out on dates and seeing me again, I'm still friends with him and we still talk everyday, he's a good friend overall. But I don't even know how I'm suppose to feel. Worse he sent flowers to me on V day, I don't want to develop feelings for him I kind of. Now what?
Updates:
tl :dr Guy who I met at a party has feelings for me, he has a HOT girlfriend for 3 years she doesn't want sex, I didn't know it until later on, he keeps texting me everyday calling me beautiful and getting me these gifts. Starting to develop feelings now what do I do?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • One of two things could be going on.

    Either he has an understanding and agreement with this girlfriend of his where he can date other girls. And in this case he's probably struggling with it, and wants to find someone else. He seems to like you, he bothers to talk to you every day and he did publicly kiss you in front of people in his own town of residency, so it didn't seem like something he was afraid of getting caught from. If this is the situation then you're probably going to lose him once he realizes how you feel, and then you might not like it, especially since you'll probably want him more when you can't have him, so you'll be left wondering what could have been.

    Or he is an asshole that just wants a hook-up, and not just one hook-up, but a guaranteed one for every time he gets to see you. In this case, he's probably talking to you every day, because he has the time to, and so he might also be talking to other girls too. Especially since you're in a different state, he has the advantage of not getting too serious, not getting caught, and also he has the advantage of being able to do this with other girls in other states as well.

    And a side note: he only sent you flowers, he didn't come out to see you, or do anything more personal like send over a bottle of your favourite drink or call you on the phone and talk for a while. So he most likely sent other girls flowers too.

    Originally, I was thinking he was the guy described in the first case, but now... Other people might not agree with me here, but I'm leaning towards the second case. Although you shouldn't disregard the first scenario so soon.

    You should talk to him, get the truth out, ask for complete honesty. Don't let him fool you twice by lying to you and you believing him. Be precise about what kind of answers you want, but at the same time, keep an open mind. You seem like a kind-hearted person, worrying about the woman and all that, but you should put on your selfish shoes for a while and think of what's best for you, even if it means hurting someone else, because from the way he described her, she doesn't seem so nice. Good luck to you, it seems like you're going to be dealing with some confusing feelings very soon. Sorry I rambled on, it's just that I found you're situation interesting.. Oh, and hope for the best, expect the worst, and prepare for everything!

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What Girls Said 4

  • Now, you either activate your moral compass or accept decreasing your integrity for some unfaithful, deceitful, disloyal asshole.

    If he can't remain honorable for a girl he's devoted his life to for THREE YEARS, then what makes you think he'll be honorable to you when you've been in his life for less than THREE MONTHS?

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  • Did he tell you anything in regards to him having an open relationship with his current girlfriend?

    If not, I would contact her and let her know what he did and urge her to promptly kick his teeth out. If he lies to her and sleeps around behind her back, who's to say he won't do it you? Expose this piece of shit and move on with your life.

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  • Its okay I enjoy being the other woman, but thats because I'm a bitch

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  • Well, I give you props for confonting him about his girlfriend. I know some girls would not care and be the "homewrecker". But, wow, I do think it really sucks that he would cheat on his girlfriend like that. BUT, it sounds like they have many issues, who knows what she has done to him and what other problems there are, and for god knows what reason they are still together, even though for their best interest they should break up. He seems to be really trying to impress you. But in all honesty if this was my situation, I would be friends with him, maybe still hang out with him a few times, but thats it. I just think a relationship with this guy would not be a good idea at all. Besides, you seem to be enjoying your single life, and you should! Good luck with everything, I hope this other guy figures out his problems.

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